nes9 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I deleted my ex's number but unfortunately I know it off the top of my head. Just knowing she's back in town and only a 10 minute drive away has been driving me NUTS. I had a text written up and ready to send to her, asking to meet up and talk things out before school starts (basically just get closure). Her number was typed in and the text was ready to send and I ALMOST did it. I paused for a second, put my phone down and logged on here to see if I could find any last second motivation to go against my impulse. Then I reread the caliguy NC guide and saw at the end that seeking closure is a horrible idea and will only reek of desperation and get you nowhere. By seeking "closure" I'm wishing deep down that she will suddenly change her mind and get back together with me. Dear god remaining NC is getting SO tough for me. Hopefully next time I get the urge I'm able to withhold like I was today.
mutant Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 NC is never easy but you have to press on because at the end the whole situation will improve.congratulations for not sending that text because you would now be anxiously waiting for her reply and if she did send one your NC progress would have been reset to the very beginning. I recently had a terrible dream that left me yearning to contact the ex but somehow i restrained myself from doing so. It wasn't easy but coming here to seek advice helped me hold on. Now 33 days NC. 1
Author nes9 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 NC is never easy but you have to press on because at the end the whole situation will improve.congratulations for not sending that text because you would now be anxiously waiting for her reply and if she did send one your NC progress would have been reset to the very beginning. I recently had a terrible dream that left me yearning to contact the ex but somehow i restrained myself from doing so. It wasn't easy but coming here to seek advice helped me hold on. Now 33 days NC. Yeah it is hard as hell. Being at 33 days NC must be nice. I would assume it has gotten easier for you now, no? I am only on day 8 unfortunately. I was broken up with on the 2nd and pined (texted/called her) on that day only. NC was initiated immediately the day after and I haven't broken since, though it is growing increasingly difficult. I try to pat myself on the back for my progress so far, because with past breakups I would text/call my ex for a good 1-2 weeks after the date of breakup. This if my first time going cold turkey the day following the breakup.... I guess it means I have finally learned.
mutant Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I don't think I have made much progress towards achieving a state of indifference. However, i consinder myself to be 33 days closer to getting healed. Someone here mentioned that we are birds with broken wings who must heal before they can fly again; this is very true. There is no NC timeline and people heal at their own pace. Mine has been a roller coaster ride; one day i am happy that we aren't together the next i am missing her terribly. However with the help of LS i have learned how to puddle my own canoe towards my ultimate goal of achieving benign indifference. It also helps to engage in other interesting activities; for me I went straight into dating other ladies hoping that with a girl on each arm i would forget my ex but that didn't work. Next i enrolled for a masters degree which i am currently pursuing. I also hope to join the gym next week to improve on my fitness. I have found out these activities help me to forget my ex whilst improving myself. This is a long journey and there is no light at the start of the tunnel. Btw i dated the ex for 4 good years.
hudson701 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Makes me feel better your counting days too... I'm on day 14 NC since the last text sent. Looking forward to getting to the 12 week mark. What stops me breaking NC is the rejection I'll get and information I simply can't handle at this point in time about her going off travelling the world for the next couple years. Meeting new exciting people, having fun and new relationships etc. I get so jealous my blood boils. It's pathetic really I can't help it. Why do I feel so jealous? It's like I don't want to be left behind.
cavalier99 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Makes me feel better your counting days too... I'm on day 14 NC since the last text sent. Looking forward to getting to the 12 week mark. What stops me breaking NC is the rejection I'll get and information I simply can't handle at this point in time about her going off travelling the world for the next couple years. Meeting new exciting people, having fun and new relationships etc. I get so jealous my blood boils. It's pathetic really I can't help it. Why do I feel so jealous? It's like I don't want to be left behind. I think we all feel somewhat left behind. They are fine and relatively happy and many of them already in new relationships. So we feel left in the dust and destroyed..and just want to catch up and be just as recovered. It sometimes feel like a weird sort or competition in our own mind. But they aren't even here..it is all just projection.
hudson701 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I think we all feel somewhat left behind. They are fine and relatively happy and many of them already in new relationships. So we feel left in the dust and destroyed..and just want to catch up and be just as recovered. It sometimes feel like a weird sort or competition in our own mind. But they aren't even here..it is all just projection. That's exactly what it feels like, a competition. It's like I have to better her or I'll die or something. But I realise its my brain I'm fighting with and I should just concentrate on my own happiness rather than focusing on someone else's life. It's so difficult to break this thought pattern though. That's why I'm in the middle or organising a trip myself, as I can't bear the thought of being left behind. Very childish to the extreme.
cavalier99 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 That's exactly what it feels like, a competition. It's like I have to better her or I'll die or something. But I realise its my brain I'm fighting with and I should just concentrate on my own happiness rather than focusing on someone else's life. It's so difficult to break this thought pattern though. That's why I'm in the middle or organising a trip myself, as I can't bear the thought of being left behind. Very childish to the extreme. Yeah it isn't very productive but i think it is normal. They were the people we confided in. Talked to when we were down or celebrated accomplishments with. So sometimes all this getting in shape and bettering ourselves feel like it is for some imaginary encounter in the future to show them how great we are doing just like them. Hopefully with NC, and time and all this work ...we will realize eventually it was always about US and never about them.
Missing Him Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Good job at maintaining it! I had a weak day today, too, and I also reread the NC guide and saw that a good thing to do is call up a friend when you're feeling the urge to text or call. So that's what I did, I called up a friend and talked for a good two hours about things and then I didn't feel the same urge to message my ex. It's hard. Lately, every time I've implemented NC, my ex has initiated contact and I have folded to it. This time I am finding it just as hard but am also much more determined.
CaliGuy Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I deleted my ex's number but unfortunately I know it off the top of my head. Just knowing she's back in town and only a 10 minute drive away has been driving me NUTS. I had a text written up and ready to send to her, asking to meet up and talk things out before school starts (basically just get closure). Her number was typed in and the text was ready to send and I ALMOST did it. I paused for a second, put my phone down and logged on here to see if I could find any last second motivation to go against my impulse. Then I reread the caliguy NC guide and saw at the end that seeking closure is a horrible idea and will only reek of desperation and get you nowhere. By seeking "closure" I'm wishing deep down that she will suddenly change her mind and get back together with me. Dear god remaining NC is getting SO tough for me. Hopefully next time I get the urge I'm able to withhold like I was today. Closure is not something an ex can give you. The only one who can give it to you is yourself. 1
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