Serious advice needed here - should i start NC?

[innanjing]

My girlfriend ( ex now) have been together for a year. We live in China, i am a canadian she is chinese. She left her parents home to move in with me about 9 months ago and that caused major problems of course. But she stayed and we were awesome as a couple. However, a few times, when i lost control over the frustrations of living in a foreign country etc etc, she would get upset and take it personal, when in fact it was not directed at her personally. I went back to canada on july 14 for a holiday to visit family. When I left, she was crying, hugging, hurting that i was going to be away. After i got back to canada, i got emails daily from her how she loved me, missed me, could not wait to see me and hold me, etc etc. Then she informed me that she was going to visit a girlfriend out of town and that she would be back on a Tuesday and that she wanted me to be on msn messenger to chat cause she missed me incredibly. I missed her also the same way. WEll, she got back Thursday, did not email me that she was staying longer. I was upset, and i had sent an email giving her heck for not telling me where she was when i was waiting for her. And i must admit, I was a bit out of line, but just because of my being upset and frustrated. She said she could not email me cause her friend's computer had a virus. Then she said i did not trust her, that i did not want her to be with her friends, that sort of stuff - not true, beleive me. Anyhow, she then informed me that she was done with me, that i could not change, that she would love me forever, she said she promised that, that i will always be her baby doll. that she will help me with anything at all that i need done in china. But that she was never coming back.

 

I finally got home last sunday - she has stayed at our apartment after she broke up with me, but moved to her dad's the day before i arrrived home. I did not see her until 2 days ago, i had gone to the store and she went by on her bike and stopped. She had a great smile for me, said wow, do you ever look great, (i grew a beard back in canada) etc etc - i got a bit emotional and said i cant talk right now and walked away - she let me walk a bit and then drove up and stopped me again and talked again. She asked me to come to her new company headquarters and she would like to show me around her new place of employement. And we had sold a dog we had a while ago and she asked me to go with her to see the dog at the new owners place. She has said she will have dinner with me and the odd show, but that is all.

 

Last night she came to the apartment to fix the internet, i was not here then. I had a picture of another girl that i had met, nothing at all there, but she immediately paged me on my cell phone and wanted to know who the girl was in the picture? Also, i asked her if she wanted to keep my other key for the apt in case i lost mine or whatever, and she said of course, she would love to.

 

So, you can maybe see my being confused here. I have given her ample opportunities to tell me to hit the road - iasked her the other day, do you want me to leave you alone and disappear and get lost? She said of course not, you think to much. So i am confused, beleive me, and could sure use some input from others on what is going on here? My thinking is that, if it is over and she is never coming back, why not just keep away from all the stuff she has been doing, i will always love you, etc etc - makes no sense to me. Please help, all comments and suggestions will be appreciated

[Pocky]

You really need to ask her these questions. It confuses me so much why people ask questions like this of strangers when they should be asking the person they're in love with. Simply ask her what the hell is up? Are we broken up or not? We doing the friend thing? Tell her you two need to sit down and talk about it because things aren't adding up and things need to be settled.

[innanjing]

I agree, but it is very hard to do when she does not want to talk about it at all. I am not trying to get other people to answer my questions, that she should answer. I was just looking for advice or comments on why she would act this way - she went from me being the greatest guy on this earth to me being a loser and jerk - all in a matter of a day or so. I can handle the fact that she wants to end our relationship, that i will get over in time. But trying to understand what motivates a person to change that quickly towards someone is very hard to comprehend and deal with. I treated her like a queen, she has admitted that to others lately, and says she still loves me forever, etc, etc - then why be so cold, cruel, treat me like i abused her or did something tremendously harmful? Cause i never did, i was honorable, respectful, etc, so something is not right here. That is what i am dealing with. And it hurts to think that you are now considered a loser and jerk, a no good person, by someone that you truly loved, that said they truly loved you, someone you trusted and beleived in, all the promises, etc. Now i know it was just a charade, but why would someone do this????

[innanjing]

I sent in a post a while ago regarding the breakup of my relationship with the biggest love of my life. Since then, we have had little contact, when we have, it has ended in arguing, both her and I. But it seems she wont let go - i asked her to say goodbye to me, she wont do it. I have tried to get her to say this to me many times, she just wont do it. I told her i was meeting another girl the other day, she wanted to know who she was, where we were going, etc. Then she said "cool". And asked if the other girl speaks good english (we live in China). Since then, she has avoided me big time. However, today, she paged me on my cell phone and told me her dad wanted me to come there for lunch with him. He speaks no english at all, she is away out of town. I find this weird. She also paged me the other day and told me that my dad, who lives in Canada, said hi to me - she had been chatting with him on the msn messenger!

 

Well, the other day i saw her, and I talked nicely. I told her that if she has a change of heart i am here, no problem. She was a bit stunned i think. I then kissed her on the cheek and said got to go, love you, this was when i was leaving to meet the other girl i have met. And i simply walked off.

 

So, maybe some of you can tell me what your thoughts are here - why is she still doing what she is when in fact she has told me it is over for good, she will never be back? She gives me the impression that she cares not for me, that she does not think of me, etc, etc. Is she kidding me, herself, or both of us? Cause if she is truly forgotten about me and has no feelings, why would she even consider allowing her dad to invite me to have lunch with him alone? Am i just nuts here or what? Sure could use some hearty advice. Thanks