Fryderyk_Franciszek Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I have been wondering "What if"s a lot a lately. I have made mistakes along with my ex, who I believe had made mistakes. However, I remember this one moment in our relationship where things could have gone either way. If I just said one thing or acted differently....am I alone on this? I would love to hear other's What If statements.
Zammo25 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 (edited) I have been wondering "What if"s a lot a lately. I have made mistakes along with my ex, who I believe had made mistakes. However, I remember this one moment in our relationship where things could have gone either way. If I just said one thing or acted differently....am I alone on this? I would love to hear other's What If statements. Yeah but what's the point ? Time moves on, people move on and you have to move on. Unless you have Christopher Lloyd, Michael Fox and a Delorean available what else can we do ? Edited January 10, 2013 by Zammo25
Coping Vortex Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I have been wondering "What if"s a lot a lately. I have made mistakes along with my ex, who I believe had made mistakes. However, I remember this one moment in our relationship where things could have gone either way. If I just said one thing or acted differently....am I alone on this? I would love to hear other's What If statements. I do this constantly. I was just doing it before logging into LS. If I saw her one more time before she met that guy at the bar she wouldnt have spoken to him. If her ex didn't stalk us that day making us cool it seeing each other to avoid him stalking us. If I went to see her the next day after she did the BU I might have repaired the relationship instead of going NC the next day. Trust me we all do it but no matter what it's too late. Nothing you can do about. Plus it was probably inevitable anyway.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I totally know the feeling. I did this after my first break-up , tried to work on some of that stuff when we got back together, but he came up with new issues / created new problems, and after he dumped me again, I just realized that mostly, the problems were from his end, and/or his creation. I do have some moments every now and then where I still feel guilty for having ruined the relationship, and cycle through a bunch of "what if"s, but lately, I have been stopping myself as soon as I get into that mood/mindset... I get up and do something else, go out, go to the gym, and it gets me to stop thinking about it. It works. There's no use in thinking about it, and blaming yourself for it and feeling sorry for yourself. Even if you did make those mistakes and were responsible for the relationship going downhill, at this point there's nothing you can do about it but learn from them and not repeat them the next time around, in your next relationship.
Jono85 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 trust me, mine's a ****ed up situation. i don't think about it that much, but when i do it kills me. basically we had a weekend planned at my place (i live 2 hrs away) and she calls me after work the day before she's supposed to come crying about something with her mom (i don't think that's why she was that emotional, moreso b/c she was also realizing her feelings were being lost with me i feel). so she said she didn't feel like coming anymore and gave me some bs excuses and said how she wishes i could come there (she knew i couldn't b/c of work). i was shocked, but we had been fighting quite a bit lately. but still, she would always count down the days till she saw me, and now she just didn't want to come, it was f*cked. anyway i was really taken back, but played it cool "ok babe, stay there, it's cool, hope u feel better". but i was furious! so we get off the phone. not 10 min later she calls me up, saying she wants to come now. she says she didn't expect me to be so understanding about it, and wants to come. wtf? i was still hurt and upset, so i said well in 10 min you'll probs change your mind so don't bother. and we got into a fight. at this point i really didn't want her to come b/c it really hurt me that she originally didn't want to...while i was sooo excited for her to come...i felt like sh*t. so she finally says "if i'm not coming, it's OVER!". i responded with "i told you never to threaten to break up with me me again like that, so it's OVER!" and i hung up. we didn't talk the entire weekend. i was torn up inside. really hurt. i didn't want that, but she hurt me and i couldn't take the breakup threats. the following Tuesday i broke the ice "this isn't what i want, i was upset/hurt, blha blah blah". but she wouldn't budge, and felt it wasn't working. that was it. i did end up spending a weekend with her 3 weeks later but it was too late. we were sexual, but she still hadn't changed her mind. fml. and f*ck hers too!
NoMoreJerks Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 My ex used to do threaten me with break-ups. It is not fun. I will NEVER EVER allow anyone to threaten/blackmail me with break-ups. F*ck that ****. I don't need someone like that in my life. I'll just hold the door open for them to get the f*ck out of my life.
Author Fryderyk_Franciszek Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 trust me, mine's a ****ed up situation. i don't think about it that much, but when i do it kills me. basically we had a weekend planned at my place (i live 2 hrs away) and she calls me after work the day before she's supposed to come crying about something with her mom (i don't think that's why she was that emotional, moreso b/c she was also realizing her feelings were being lost with me i feel). so she said she didn't feel like coming anymore and gave me some bs excuses and said how she wishes i could come there (she knew i couldn't b/c of work). i was shocked, but we had been fighting quite a bit lately. but still, she would always count down the days till she saw me, and now she just didn't want to come, it was f*cked. anyway i was really taken back, but played it cool "ok babe, stay there, it's cool, hope u feel better". but i was furious! so we get off the phone. not 10 min later she calls me up, saying she wants to come now. she says she didn't expect me to be so understanding about it, and wants to come. wtf? i was still hurt and upset, so i said well in 10 min you'll probs change your mind so don't bother. and we got into a fight. at this point i really didn't want her to come b/c it really hurt me that she originally didn't want to...while i was sooo excited for her to come...i felt like sh*t. so she finally says "if i'm not coming, it's OVER!". i responded with "i told you never to threaten to break up with me me again like that, so it's OVER!" and i hung up. we didn't talk the entire weekend. i was torn up inside. really hurt. i didn't want that, but she hurt me and i couldn't take the breakup threats. the following Tuesday i broke the ice "this isn't what i want, i was upset/hurt, blha blah blah". but she wouldn't budge, and felt it wasn't working. that was it. i did end up spending a weekend with her 3 weeks later but it was too late. we were sexual, but she still hadn't changed her mind. fml. and f*ck hers too! That is so sad.....Emotions get in the way way too much. I totally understand. I am sorry to hear about this.
Author Fryderyk_Franciszek Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 My ex used to do threaten me with break-ups. It is not fun. I will NEVER EVER allow anyone to threaten/blackmail me with break-ups. F*ck that ****. I don't need someone like that in my life. I'll just hold the door open for them to get the f*ck out of my life. You seem very angry...I understand. I feel very angry right now too. But I am trying not to let it get to me. Everyone's goal is happiness. 1
flitzanu Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I have been wondering "What if"s a lot a lately. I have made mistakes along with my ex, who I believe had made mistakes. However, I remember this one moment in our relationship where things could have gone either way. If I just said one thing or acted differently....am I alone on this? I would love to hear other's What If statements. what if you never had your breakup? then i wouldn't be reading this post. the problem with "what if" statements are that they are extremely illogical. assuming you "went left" instead of "going right" in one situation, you presume you'd be in the exact same position months later. you wouldn't. "what if i HAD called her and apologized 3 months ago?" you would have solved a temporary issue. the means for someone to breakup is much stronger than the one simple fight everyone thinks it is. but yes...worrying about the whatifs is only gonna drive you crazy. 1
Coping Vortex Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Flitzanu. I love this guy. He is the BEST. Yes he always tells it like it is. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Here are two relevant links that I have found very useful: ?I Wish I?d Done Things Differently!? ? Getting Over The Regret Hangover | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue Do You Have a One False Move (& It?s All Your Fault) Mentality? | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue I love this blog, and it has helped me a lot through my break-ups.
Recommended Posts