starla33 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 so a guy i've gone on about 5 dates with (we had a few weeks break in between because I was away) has out of nowhere sat me down and gave me the "i'm not looking for a relationship speech". I was just going with the flow and it kind of came out of nowhere so I asked him where this is coming from. He said the last girl he was seeing he did not make that clear enough (i have a feeling this was at the same time he was seeing me) and she was heartbroken and got feelings for him and he doesn't want to lead me on blah blah. I do want a relationship at some point and him not going with the flow on this and putting this wall up is a huge turn off for me as things were going slowly, casually and well. Thinking about it I did say we can hang out again....but I don't see the point. He seems to not know what he wants. How do I tell him I changed my mind and don't want to see him anymore?
TouchedByViolet Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 How do I tell him I changed my mind and don't want to see him anymore? I feel like that is what he told you... Sorry it didn't work out, wish you good luck! 1
TaraMaiden Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 By giving him the "Well, I AM looking for a relationship" speech. What's sauce for the goose.... He gave you the low-down. It's not what you wanted to hear. Tell him. How more simple can it be? 1
Emilia Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 How do I tell him I changed my mind and don't want to see him anymore? I think he expects you not to want to see him anymore
Author starla33 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 I feel like that is what he told you... Sorry it didn't work out, wish you good luck! No...because he still wants to see me after it. Maybe I didn't make that clear enough in my above post
DC4 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 By giving him the "Well, I AM looking for a relationship" speech. What's sauce for the goose.... He gave you the low-down. It's not what you wanted to hear. Tell him. How more simple can it be? I completely agree. Not to be an a-hole, but based on what he told you I don't think he's going to really fight back so just rip off the band-aid.
Author starla33 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 I completely agree. Not to be an a-hole, but based on what he told you I don't think he's going to really fight back so just rip off the band-aid. Well dude has not had a gf in 5 years so pretty sure hes been casually seeing tons of people like this for years. Apparently I'm the first hes made it clear too because the last girl was so so hurt he felt bad
TaraMaiden Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 No...because he still wants to see me after it. Maybe I didn't make that clear enough in my above post Oooh... I get it.... "I 'm not really looking for a relationship right now - but please stick around because I'd like to bang you." Naw. Bail, like I advised. 3
Author starla33 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 Oooh... I get it.... "I 'm not really looking for a relationship right now - but please stick around because I'd like to bang you." Naw. Bail, like I advised. Yeah, I'm kind of torn because honestly I was seeing him as a casual guy not a relationship guy anyway. So him giving me the speech was stupid as I was not taking him very seriously in the first place and exploring my other options. I was having a lot of fun with him. He totally ruined it.
TouchedByViolet Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 No...because he still wants to see me after it. Maybe I didn't make that clear enough in my above post I meant he made it clear his intentions are different than yours. He wants something casual and you do not. Tell him this and stop seeing him.
stillafool Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I think you should be grateful that he was honest with you. Would have been better if he told you this before he had sex with you but at least now you know not to expect anything other than sex. You are right that he has just been banging different ones for 5 years. One day he will meet a woman who will blow his mind, he'll want a relationship with her but she won't want him. Seen it happen too many times. 1
Author starla33 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 I meant he made it clear his intentions are different than yours. He wants something casual and you do not. Tell him this and stop seeing him. What makes me mad is basically he did not hear it from me he heard it from a mutual friend we have. That I want to settle down and have a relationship. LIKE yes that is my end goal. Did I want that with him? No probably not as I was looking to see other people anyway
Author starla33 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 I think you should be grateful that he was honest with you. Would have been better if he told you this before he had sex with you but at least now you know not to expect anything other than sex. You are right that he has just been banging different ones for 5 years. One day he will meet a woman who will blow his mind, he'll want a relationship with her but she won't want him. Seen it happen too many times. But honestly what is it that is wrong with the women he has been banging for 5 years? I'm pretty sure there were awesome women in there that he could have had a relationship with. If someone is not open to one it doesn't matter. I honestly think it is all about timing
stillafool Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 How do I tell him I changed my mind and don't want to see him anymore? Just tell him, "I've changed my mind and don't want to see you anymore because I'm looking for a relationship." That's it.
Emilia Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 What makes me mad is basically he did not hear it from me he heard it from a mutual friend we have. That I want to settle down and have a relationship. LIKE yes that is my end goal. Did I want that with him? No probably not as I was looking to see other people anyway It doesn't matter. If he acts on heresay rather than discuss it with you, he is not a keeper. 1
stillafool Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Did I want that with him? No probably not as I was looking to see other people anyway Good then it's no skin off your back.
Author starla33 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 It doesn't matter. If he acts on heresay rather than discuss it with you, he is not a keeper. Well obviously he is not a keeper. I do respect the honesty though.
TaraMaiden Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Yeah, I'm kind of torn because honestly I was seeing him as a casual guy not a relationship guy anyway. So him giving me the speech was stupid as I was not taking him very seriously in the first place and exploring my other options. I was having a lot of fun with him. He totally ruined it. "Well, that's good... I on the other hand, AM looking for a serious relationship - but it wasn't my intention that you would be 'the one'...I too am just exploring my options. Anyway, now we both know where we stand, I'll keep moving on and looking and you keep - NOT looking! Have a nice life - seeyabye!!" 3
Author starla33 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 Good then it's no skin off your back. it is because we were having A LOT of FUN haha.
Author starla33 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 "Well, that's good... I on the other hand, AM looking for a serious relationship - but it wasn't my intention that you would be 'the one'...I too am just exploring my options. Anyway, now we both know where we stand, I'll keep moving on and looking and you keep - NOT looking! Have a nice life - seeyabye!!" I love this!!! Unfortunately I do have to see him at some point since we have a mutual friend
Emilia Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I love this!!! Unfortunately I do have to see him at some point since we have a mutual friend Hmmm, let him worry about that. Just stop taking his calls or something, it's not like he cares. 1
Author starla33 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 Hmmm, let him worry about that. Just stop taking his calls or something, it's not like he cares. Yeah I think in this case I should just do the fade and put him very low on the priority list. 4
NoMoreJerks Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Tell him that you are looking for a relationship, not a fling / ****-buddy arrangement. I'd be very blunt and use those exact words. Because, clearly, he is looking for that, and while he was at least honest about it, 5 dates is still too late for someone to tell you that: if he just wanted a ****-buddy arrangement, he should've told you so from date 1. Why go on DATES, when you're just looking for a regular booty call?!? Do NOT, and I can't emphasize this enough, do NOT, EVER, continue with this guy, in the hopes that he will change his mind. He will NOT. At least he was blunt/honest, even if after 5 dates.. My ex wasn't honest for a long time (about 5 months), and it hurt like a b*tch when he gave me that talk. By then, I was in love with him, and he discarded me a month after he gave me that speech.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 No...because he still wants to see me after it. Maybe I didn't make that clear enough in my above post Of course he'd want to see you. He would be thrilled if you wanted/accepted to be his ****-buddy. It's up to you to turn down his take-it-or-leave-it offer.
TaraMaiden Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I love this!!! Unfortunately I do have to see him at some point since we have a mutual friend "seeing" him is one thing. Continuing to be there at his sexual beck and call - is completely another. By all means see him. I see my grocer, and pass the time of day with him, but I don't owe him sex for carrots..... 3
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