crashvector Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 It's 540Am, and ive been crying since before midnight. I dont know how much more of this i can take.
TaraMaiden Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Read your signature. Do you believe it? Can you stand by it, and act on it? 1
Inviv_girl Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I was sitting in a couch when I got home after a long day outside and Im sort of thinking of him and I begun to cry.. for a bit... but then I wipe out my tears and get up, see the kids playing in my neighbour front yard and I join them to make me laugh. Looks silly but I dont care. I know how you feel and Im sorry. Stop crying and switch your thought to something else.
Author crashvector Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 Im TRYING. I rebuilt my mountain bike yesterday...cried the whole time...cut my hands up bc i couldnt see thru the tears, etc. Everyone keep acting like i must be enjoying this or somrthing....like im not making any effort to move past it. I CANT!! I was just months away from spending the rest of my life with the woman of my dreams...and i CANT. She was EVERYTHING i ever wanted in a partner and a eife and i loved her enough to want to be with her until i DIED for crying out loud. And the kids...i loved those kids like they were my.own flesh and blood... I just want the pain to stop...i cant take much more.
Allumere Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 well...we are all still here if thats any consilation (sp?...need coffee) that you'll make it...just gonna suck for awhile. There ain't much I can say that you haven't heard and when one is lying in the hole you are currently inhabiting "comfort" can actually be annoying because that isn't what you want...what you want is to go back to the way things were, to have the life you had back along with all the dreams and promises. I have been there (still there on many many levels). What generally happens is this cycle burns itself out...whether through exhaustion or boredom or sick of oneself (I do get really sick of me some days) and somehow you manage to get a shower, focus for about 15 minutes, maybe manage to get that load of laundry done (yes, all these things deserve pats on the back)....and then you'll get walloped again. As I have gotten older my ability to compartmentalize has completely failed so I don't even try. I told people at work that needed to know what was going on (the weight loss, bags under the eyes, and silence was a clue I was not in my happy place) and others that asked I simply said "no one is sick or dying, I'm just dealing with some personal stuff" No one put their nose where it shouldnt be and my management was actually pretty damn supportive. Trust me, I felt like an ass initially bringing these things up at work...seriously, I have been through the marriage from hell, divorce, financial disasters, dying family members, health issues etc..and this is what brought me to my knees???? Yep! And what surprised me was that people understood. Sure, I have heard the "move on, get over it" but most folks have simply let me be, let me cry when needed, encouraged and not pushed. You may need to let some walls fall. AS far as the depression and crying fits, well for now just accept that they will happen and feel crappy but the one we know for sure is that feelings/emotions/moods do change so this crappy feeling you have right now will change. As much as it SUCKS, its better to feel and work through everything now than bury and **** up potential future relationships. You know the deal and you know when to seek more professional help if the mood goes on too long, gives ya bad thoughts etc. As hard as it may be, try and do one nice thing for yourself today...even if its silly. Play an arcade game or read magazines in the drug store or download some new tunes, drive some golfballs or hell, you are in LA...god knows its carnival season so throw some beads on a tree..just 5 minutes where its about you. If not today, then try again tomorrow.
MyAngel Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I know it hurts so much mate. I know. We all know what it feels like. I wish I could magically take away all our pain but I can't. I feel so much loss right now and I feel like giving in and crying but I don't want to! I can't help you crash... I can't tell you what to do as we all recover in our own way. If crying helps, keep crying. If it makes you feel worse, then make mini goals. Try and go one day without crying. When you make it to a day, try to make it two. I have been doing that and you know what, I can't remember if I cried yesterday or not. (Admittedly I shed a couple of tears just before) but I am healing. And eventually you will too.
TaraMaiden Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 "Trying" isn't "doing". You have to find a way to prevent these thoughts from going into the old "Lather/rinse/repeat" holding-pattern. You control your mind, it's not touched by outside forces, but you're permitting grief to engulf you, and you have to acknowledge that grief, respect it, honour it and go through it. Of course you do. But then, you have to prevent the thoughts from avalanching into the complete six-volume novel, that you're creating by focusing on the scenario. You're going to hate me for this but your current pain is partially self-inflicted. Allumere's post is full of good stuff. You have to divert, and distract. Otherwise, you'll drown. 1
Lasatra Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 You ever think about it to do something you didn't do before.. But totally something different, like I don't know, going to stripclub.. or take some Spanish/French classes? And if you started crying at midnight in your bed, just get up and do something! Go for a walk, fresh air always help to clear you mind, or go for a run (I did this once). You gotta keep moving forward!! For yourself, for your life!!
th90 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 You're definitely very very emotional for a man. I understand you're in pain but please, you already popped a vessel. Watch it. Unless you prefer to cry your eyes out and continue sulking. Start changing your attitude. Be more positive ok? 1
FailedFirstLove Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I was exact like you before I made myself get up and find distractions... I was there for weeks. Crying, not eating,wanting to be alone... I'm a little better but there's always weak moments when I cry.
Author crashvector Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 You're definitely very very emotional for a man. I understand you're in pain but please, you already popped a vessel. Watch it. Unless you prefer to cry your eyes out and continue sulking. Start changing your attitude. Be more positive ok? Im trying with everything i have Here guys...i just dont have much more... I.popped TWO blood vessels in.my eyes....i.look like some creature with blood red eyes.... Im getting out the house, im working on my bike, i am meeting with my friends...etc
Author crashvector Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 I just broke no contact with her, but there was a purpose. There is a tornado on the ground here, and the weather station predicted that I was heading in her general area, so I sent her a text followed by a voicemail telling her to get inside and take precautions for the next 15 minutes or so,that I would pray for the best, but if the worst happens that she could call me for help. the only reason I did this is because I know she never watches the news on the weather
Coping Vortex Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Crash I know there is little we can all say other than we feel for you. I had a really bad night. 1 hour sleep. I feel horrible. I have not cried but I am so depressed I don't feel like doing anything. So we are all here for you my man. we know and truly feel your pain as we are struggling with the same things. I guess it's amplified by the face that as sad as we all are our exs are happier. It seems so unfair that their happiness is diametrically oppsed to our pain of the loss. I also can relate to you not being able to take much more. everyone says it will get better. When??? I'm going on two months and I feel worse than I did weeks ago as for weeks ago I still had some misguided hope she would come back. Now reality has really set in. All we have right now is each other to lean on. I have been looking up any old friends I have, to talk or meet up and hang out. Sounds like you have a big group of friends and you had some fun parties last week and a few women hit on you. At least you got that some of us don't have the same outlet for now. I would make more use of your friend group and go have some fun. If you find a cure for this let me know. Let us all know. I'm up for any suggestions to get past this.
geegirl Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 (edited) I just broke no contact with her, but there was a purpose. There is a tornado on the ground here, and the weather station predicted that I was heading in her general area, so I sent her a text followed by a voicemail telling her to get inside and take precautions for the next 15 minutes or so,that I would pray for the best, but if the worst happens that she could call me for help. the only reason I did this is because I know she never watches the news on the weather How much more will you keep flogging yourself? If there are tornados hitting every other week, are you going to keep on breaking NC and providing her with the weather report, while again and again, derailing your recovery? This was not about the tornado. You're wanting to remind her of your existence, your thoughtfulness, your need to remind her of what she is missing, etc. You're trying to fool the majority of us that have been there and done that. She's a grown woman. If she doesn't watch the news I am sure everyone at work and around town will be buzzing. She's not living isolated in a cave. Stop seeking comfort from what is causing you pain. The only way to get over this is to go through the pain. And it is going to take time. This was a 5 year relationship and hopes and dreams were about to be established only for it to crumble. It's going to take time and you can bury yourself deep in every type of distraction but that pain is going to be there and you're going to have to feel it and barrel through it. Edited January 10, 2013 by geegirl 5
Author crashvector Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 Well, I sent the exact same message to my ex wife, and I have NO feelings for her....just dont want anything bad to happen to the mother of my son.
Author crashvector Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 Stop seeking comfort from what is causing you pain. The only way to get over this is to go through the pain. And it is going to take time. This was a 5 year relationship and hopes and dreams were about to be established only for it to crumble. It's going to take time and you can bury yourself deep in every type of distraction but that pain is going to be there and you're going to have to feel it and barrel through it. This is true, but I can barely handle it as it is...
geegirl Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Well, I sent the exact same message to my ex wife, and I have NO feelings for her....just dont want anything bad to happen to the mother of my son. Bingo. You have no feelings for your ex-wife. The dynamics with your ex are completely different. The same rules don't apply.
Just smile Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Your making excuses as to why you broke no contact. There is NO reason to contact her, YOU are prolonging your pain. YOU and only YOU. Sorry but it's true....
TaraMaiden Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 This is true, but I can barely handle it as it is... You haven't answered my questions to you, regarding your signature.... How's it working for you? Are you even trying to live by it....?
na49 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 If something bad happens to them, it wouldn't be your fault just like if something bad happens you you it wouldn't be their fault. I know you want to get better. We all want to get better. I want a lot of things. If I don't try to get them, I won't go anywhere. You obviously still need to grieve, and that's fine. but you also need to understand that eventually you'll run out of excuses. Eventually you need to go through with making the changes. Let me be seen as an example. I put off blocking my ex's number for a whole month. I kept accepting her texts and calls. Hoping they would mean she wanted to apologize and reconcile. Looking for meaning in all of them. Looking for what the motivation behind them was. Did it get me anywhere? Did it help me to move on? Hearing from her? NO! Even if I wasn't contacting her, hearing from her wasn't helping me. It's all about me now. So I told her to leave me alone and blocked her ass. It's not about them anymore. It's about you. You fix YOUR bike. You worry about YOUR house and YOUR kid during the hurricane. Not her. I remember your thread about how you didn't want to be Mr.Nice guy anymore. Well don't be Mr. Nice Guy. Mr. Nice Guy thinks everyone owes him something when they don't. Don't be that guy.
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