xxoo Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 People only fall in love when they are open to it. Mostly true. But being open to it is not the same as actively focusing on it. The adage "it'll happen when you least expect it" is popular for a reason--because a lot of people experience it that way. I did!
somedude81 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Mostly true. But being open to it is not the same as actively focusing on it. The adage "it'll happen when you least expect it" is popular for a reason--because a lot of people experience it that way. I did! I believe in that adage just as much as I believe in "love at first sight," which is absolutely not at all. It stinks of feminine fantasy that love will just happen, the prince will randomly show up and you will fall instantly in love
suladas Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Mostly true. But being open to it is not the same as actively focusing on it. The adage "it'll happen when you least expect it" is popular for a reason--because a lot of people experience it that way. I did! Yep my last relationship happened when I least expected it. But I have a tough time thinking I will get that lucky again.
xxoo Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I believe in that adage just as much as I believe in "love at first sight," which is absolutely not at all. It stinks of feminine fantasy that love will just happen, the prince will randomly show up and you will fall instantly in love I'm talking about the polar opposite of love at first sight After working side by side for a couple weeks, passionately on a project, attraction can sneak up on you. Or me, at least. YMMV.
tigressA Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Yep my last relationship happened when I least expected it. But I have a tough time thinking I will get that lucky again. I didn't expect my last relationship too. I hope I'm never that 'lucky' again 1
terlislee Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I looked at meet up groups but nothing in my area was interesting to me. I feel like such a loser, no one at 22 has this many dating issues it's shameful! Igo out to clubs and bars but you know Girl it's not shameful and you're not a loser! Stop putting yourself down over something so silly. I didn't have a proper relationship till I was almost 23 and was a virgin till 25. I never thought it was an issue. I just wasn't into being with someone for the sake of it. I had lots of interests, studied abroad, worked, travelled a lot, got some amazing experiences and made lots of friends. I wasn't always happy, there were things I struggled with, I made mistakes and suffered from depression, but that all helped to shape me and made me feel more comfortable with who I am. Yes having a boyfriend/girlfriend is a nice bonus, but looking back sometimes it wasn't worth all the heartbreak. No need to rush the babies either, if it helps you only one boy from my year at high school (cca 90 people) has a child and it wasn't a planned one, we're all nearing 27 and I don't see anyone cutting themselves over it. Where I'm from we spend at least 5 years in university and then people want to enjoy their life a bit and start their careers before settling down. I undestand it's different everywhere and for everyone and you might want different things, but never feel like society expects you to do something or looks at you wrong for not following some stupid pattern. I think it's a nice thing to want to be a good girlfriend and wife and mother one day, but I'd really recommend you some "me" time to explore what are your capabilities, what sustains you, what are your core values, what are you passionate about. Be more interested in the world, get some non-bubbly life experience and learn how to grow from it. The 20s are an amazing period that will form your adult personality and worldview a lot, so don't limit yourself by being stuck on getting a boyfriend and refusing to leave your teenage mindset. I'm sure you will be surprised how fast someone special will come by. There's no guarantee of course, but at least you get to live an awesome life instead of sitting in front of a computer stressing over some virtual profiles. Also, I understand the fear of not wanting to travel alone, go alone to places and stuff. I used to be like that but then in high school already I decided that screw it, I won't let outer factors like someone not willing to do some particular activity with me limit my life and what I want to do. I'd go to concerts of bands my friends weren't interested in, traveled to see my favourite actors in plays, watch my favourite sport live, went on vacations to a country I loved, I joined clubs and societies without knowing anybody at first, volunteered, learned foreign languages etc. I did what I wanted and sometimes it was incredibly hard, I was scared, I had no self esteem, but I did those things because I knew once I overcome the first fears that's what I really want to do and that's what will make me happy. Not to mention you meet lots of interesting new people along the way you'd never otherwise cross paths with.
iris219 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 But being open to it is not the same as actively focusing on it. The adage "it'll happen when you least expect it" is popular for a reason--because a lot of people experience it that way. I did! This is how it's always happened for me. The more I focused on dating, the less I succeeded. When I just live my life and stop thinking about men, good ones seem to appear out of nowhere. It's a nice surprise.
clia Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I wish I could be like that but I'm so scared that people will see me alone at a restaurant and think I'm a loser or something When you see a person sitting alone at a restaurant do you think they are a loser? Do you even notice they are alone. Trust me, no one cares if you are eating alone, traveling alone, or doing anything else alone. You may miss out on a lot if you don't do things by yourself. And being single is awesome. I almost prefer it in some ways. I mean, you can do whatever you want! How do you beat that?
edgygirl Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 And being single is awesome. I almost prefer it in some ways. I mean, you can do whatever you want! How do you beat that? I bet you're in a relationship 1
suladas Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I bet you're in a relationship Ya I bet they are. The freedom is nice once in a while but overall i'd still prefer a relationship. Some peoples ideas of a relationship seems to be they are going to get married tomorrow have kids, and be tied down forever and never do anything again. You can be married even and still go out with friends, bars, travel alone ANYTHING if you still want to. Yes you have another person to consult with and consider their feelings, but you also have someone to support you. It's a tradeoff that I want and like. 1
suladas Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I didn't expect my last relationship too. I hope I'm never that 'lucky' again Hah ya. Mine was crazy because it was my next door neighbor. Never in a million years when I met her after moving in did I think I would date her, nevermind her pursueing me. I really doubt something like that will happen to me again.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I believe in that adage just as much as I believe in "love at first sight," which is absolutely not at all. It stinks of feminine fantasy that love will just happen, the prince will randomly show up and you will fall instantly in love I've found a love when I least expected it and wasn't looking … AND experienced love at first sight! I swear! The thing about "when you least expect it" is mostly about getting more involved in actively living your life and you never know what will happen, on all kinds of fronts including emotional, social and romantic. Just in the course of all the things life entails. 2
somedude81 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I've found a love when I least expected it and wasn't looking … AND experienced love at first sight! I swear! Good for you. The thing about "when you least expect it" is mostly about getting more involved in actively living your life and you never know what will happen, on all kinds of fronts including emotional, social and romantic. Just in the course of all the things life entails. Never know what will happen? That I'd find a girl who'd actually let me date her? You're only seeing it from the feminine view point where things just happen to you. It's passive. Most men cannot be passive. I'm not going to be at the gym one day then a girl shows gets on the elliptical next to me, starts chatting me up and then asks me out. Things don't happen that way for the vast majority of men. Men purposely go to where women are and then men have to initiate just about every interaction. It's the complete opposite of "finding love when you aren't expecting it."
Treasa Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Good for you. Never know what will happen? That I'd find a girl who'd actually let me date her? You're only seeing it from the feminine view point where things just happen to you. It's passive. Most men cannot be passive. I'm not going to be at the gym one day then a girl shows gets on the elliptical next to me, starts chatting me up and then asks me out. Things don't happen that way for the vast majority of men. Men purposely go to where women are and then men have to initiate just about every interaction. It's the complete opposite of "finding love when you aren't expecting it." I'm not terribly passive. If I'm really into a guy, I'll let him know in no uncertain terms.
somedude81 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I'm not terribly passive. If I'm really into a guy, I'll let him know in no uncertain terms. That's great. I have nothing against women who take a more active role. I actually see it as the smarter path. My point was that only women can get away with being passive. Most men can't be passive and wait till love finds them. They'd be alone till the day they died.
suladas Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 That's great. I have nothing against women who take a more active role. I actually see it as the smarter path. My point was that only women can get away with being passive. Most men can't be passive and wait till love finds them. They'd be alone till the day they died. I have. I have never made the first move on a women, ever. Yes your chances go down a lot, but if a women really likes you she will make the moves. If you don't make first move you can't complain though, because someone has to do it, if two people like each other no one makes the move both of them are to blame.
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I have. I have never made the first move on a women, ever. Yes your chances go down a lot, but if a women really likes you she will make the moves. If you don't make first move you can't complain though, because someone has to do it, if two people like each other no one makes the move both of them are to blame. Yea. Rub it in his face why don't you? :lmao:
somedude81 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I have. I have never made the first move on a women, ever. How many women have you dated? And are you super good looking or something? In my entire life I have had one woman make the moves on me. She was about 5'4, 200 lbs. I was also desperate enough to date her and the she found another guy within two weeks. So waiting for women to make the first move doesn't really work out for me. if a women really likes you she will make the moves. If a woman really likes you...... If you don't make first move you can't complain though, because someone has to do it, if two people like each other no one makes the move both of them are to blame. I'd say the man makes the first move in 95% of occurrences.
charlietheginger Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Ok just thinking mostly everyone on here has some type of relationship issue, what did we do to deserve such a horrible tough time in dating? Like I was on this girls fb and she is 25 married to a super hot marine and has 2 small kids... How did we get so effed over? I mean I'm sure we don't deserve this alone single loneliness you know? Just thinking... How do you know she is happy? He could be Mentally verbally abusive or cheating. She Could think the guy is a ahole but stays married For the kids. He might not even like her. He could be a marine today and a disabled Marine living on $680 a month tomarrow. Seriously people on facebook only want you To see what they want you to see. That "perfect Image" u see is just that. On facebook you Don't see the entire picture. on face book do girls post pics of themselves with zits Do guys post pics of their belly hanging out after.eating A pizza? No girls sort through a dozen pics to find a good pic. All men get bloated belly after eating a pizza. The point Is everyones "perfect life on facebook" in reality is " we all Eat sheit stink " but im only gonna post the good pictures 1
suladas Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 How many women have you dated? And are you super good looking or something? In my entire life I have had one woman make the moves on me. She was about 5'4, 200 lbs. I was also desperate enough to date her and the she found another guy within two weeks. So waiting for women to make the first move doesn't really work out for me. If a woman really likes you...... I'd say the man makes the first move in 95% of occurrences. Twice now it's happened for dating, many more for sex. And no, i'm average looking. The thing is, I was acting like myself around them and not acting desperate to find someone, etc things they make a huge difference. They liked me by simply talking to him, being yourself around them. Yes your chances are low if you don't make the first move, which is why guys should. If you want something you have to make it happen.
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I'd say the man makes the first move in 95% of occurrences. Ummm. I wouldn't put it that high. Women make the first move somewhat often. But it's on certain guys. It's pretty safe to say you'll never be that guy. No offense, I've never been that guy either. We're about the same age.
suladas Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Yea. Rub it in his face why don't you? :lmao: Not rubbing it in his face. I'm saying if it can happen to me it can happen to anyone.
somedude81 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Twice now it's happened for dating, many more for sex. And no, i'm average looking. The thing is, I was acting like myself around them and not acting desperate to find someone, etc things they make a huge difference. They liked me by simply talking to him, being yourself around them. Yes your chances are low if you don't make the first move, which is why guys should. If you want something you have to make it happen. So you've dated two women who made the first move and it's happened many more times for sex? You're certainly not average, that's for damn sure. BTW did you see my post where I've only had one occasion where a woman made the first move and she was obese?
xxoo Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Men purposely go to where women are and then men have to initiate just about every interaction. It's the complete opposite of "finding love when you aren't expecting it." It happens to men, too. Men may initiate flirting, but for a lot of men that is just a fun, natural way to interact with women in their environment. They do it without expectation, with women of all levels of attractiveness.
iris219 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I'd say the man makes the first move in 95% of occurrences. I'd say in the majority of cases, the man makes a move when he gets signals of interest from the woman. 1
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