zebracolors Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Agree with xxoo, ive suggested to the OP in a previous thread about way to get out there and meet people through groups of people who share interests and passion. But what I suggested is maybe just like dating. Putting yourself out there as a quality person takes effort, you get out of it exactly what you put into it. But I also warned that she or anyone can emotionally exhaust themselves by continually trying the same things but expecting different results. i.e. if OLD isn't working, maybe approach from a different angle. One thing I find amazingly attractive in a man is ambition, some goal that drives him. Also when you are socially valuable, i.e. friends who value you, that can be very attractive. Which is why I suggested meet up groups. I agree with Treasa when she said someone who seems happy and driven with goals are attractive, where as desperate people are not. But with all due respect IB your topic here could be seen as desperation, and that its clearly bothering you in some way. And you say you are still trying OLD and hoping for luck. Now to be fair, IB if are you still also going out from time to time and socializing, then at least you can say I am trying other methods instead of being at at home all the time and constantly checking your OLD profile for messages. (sorry for the long windedness, I have trouble summarizing sometimes:laugh:) 1
Treasa Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 omg, imperfectionisbeauty. Again?? You know what i just did? Booked a trip to london. By myself. To see a band i want to see and stay for a week. I'm staying in a hostel and i plan to meet a ton of new people from around the world and get drunk all over foggy london town. You can't do that when you're stuck with a husband and straddled with kids, living in enlisted housing on some military base miles away from family. Take this time to do all the awesome things you dream of. Once you get married you can kiss all those possibilities good bye, and you have plenty of time for that stuff later anyway. Edited to add: I'm single and don't have a boyfriend. Don't give a rip, either, i'm gonna do what i want in the meantime! take me with you!!! Please! 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 Omg, Imperfectionisbeauty. AGAIN?? You know what I just did? Booked a trip to London. By myself. To see a band I want to see and stay for a week. I'm staying in a hostel and I plan to meet a ton of new people from around the world and get drunk all over foggy London town. You can't do that when you're stuck with a husband and straddled with kids, living in enlisted housing on some military base miles away from family. Take this time to do all the awesome things you dream of. Once you get married you can kiss all those possibilities good bye, and you have PLENTY of time for that stuff later anyway. Edited to add: I'm single and don't have a boyfriend. Don't give a rip, either, I'm gonna do what I want in the meantime! I want to travel but the idea of traveling alone is scary.
Drseussgrrl Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I want to travel but the idea of traveling alone is scary. No way. It's amazing. You're on your own schedule. You can meet whomever you want. You take in the sights that YOU want to. Often times I've made big life decisions when traveling alone. Then again I'm the kind of person who will see a movie by myself if nobody else wants to go. I will also eat alone in a restaurant or see a concert by myself too. 2
Drseussgrrl Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I just don't get why you think being single at this point in your life is a curse. I really don't. I'm much older than you and I don't feel that way at all. 1
Treasa Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 No way. It's amazing. You're on your own schedule. You can meet whomever you want. You take in the sights that YOU want to. Often times I've made big life decisions when traveling alone. Then again I'm the kind of person who will see a movie by myself if nobody else wants to go. I will also eat alone in a restaurant or see a concert by myself too. Ironically, I'm the same way, and I was going to ask if we could do that together sometime. I SWEAR this woman is my long-lost twin, only nicer. 1
Treasa Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 IB, do you see the differences between you and Drseussgrrl? She's excited about life. She doesn't need a man to have fun. I'm not a man, but being pansexual, I can easily tell you which attitude is far more attractive. I'm not saying you aren't as good as someone else, so please don't think that. I just don't think you're going to get what you want if that's all you want out of life. Interesting people are multi-faceted. What are you passionate about besides men and babies?
april38 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I want to travel but the idea of traveling alone is scary. Totally scary, totally exhilarating, totally fulfilling! I've done it - Went to Europe alone last year for a week. I was so scared I had to drink three tall glasses of wine and keep a friend on the phone when I hit the enter key on the computer when I booked it. I totally impressed myself, impressed everyone I know, and now - Not so scary! Find a challenge that you're afraid of, but want, and do it. You'll never feel the same again, you'll feel amazing! 2
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 Agree with xxoo, ive suggested to the OP in a previous thread about way to get out there and meet people through groups of people who share interests and passion. But what I suggested is maybe just like dating. Putting yourself out there as a quality person takes effort, you get out of it exactly what you put into it. But I also warned that she or anyone can emotionally exhaust themselves by continually trying the same things but expecting different results. i.e. if OLD isn't working, maybe approach from a different angle. One thing I find amazingly attractive in a man is ambition, some goal that drives him. Also when you are socially valuable, i.e. friends who value you, that can be very attractive. Which is why I suggested meet up groups. I agree with Treasa when she said someone who seems happy and driven with goals are attractive, where as desperate people are not. But with all due respect IB your topic here could be seen as desperation, and that its clearly bothering you in some way. And you say you are still trying OLD and hoping for luck. Now to be fair, IB if are you still also going out from time to time and socializing, then at least you can say I am trying other methods instead of being at at home all the time and constantly checking your OLD profile for messages. (sorry for the long windedness, I have trouble summarizing sometimes:laugh:) I looked at meet up groups but nothing in my area was interesting to me. I feel like such a loser, no one at 22 has this many dating issues it's shameful! Igo out to clubs and bars but you know
Drseussgrrl Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Totally scary, totally exhilarating, totally fulfilling! I've done it - Went to Europe alone last year for a week. I was so scared I had to drink three tall glasses of wine and keep a friend on the phone when I hit the enter key on the computer when I booked it. I totally impressed myself, impressed everyone I know, and now - Not so scary! Find a challenge that you're afraid of, but want, and do it. You'll never feel the same again, you'll feel amazing! YES! This! And imagine how much you'll have to talk about on a date with a cute guy in the future. "Oh that one time I did x,y,z... scared the crap outta me but it was a blast!" I mean, don't you want someone well-rounded too, hun? Be what you seek in a mate. "I sat online digging through profiles for weeks before I FINALLY got lucky enough to land on yours". <<< NO WAY 3
Treasa Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Live your life fearlessly. Note this is not the same thing as live your life stupidly (although occasionally the two will overlap). Have fun with your life.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 No way. It's amazing. You're on your own schedule. You can meet whomever you want. You take in the sights that YOU want to. Often times I've made big life decisions when traveling alone. Then again I'm the kind of person who will see a movie by myself if nobody else wants to go. I will also eat alone in a restaurant or see a concert by myself too. I wish I could be like that but I'm so scared that people will see me alone at a restaurant and think I'm a loser or something
Mrlonelyone Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I just don't get why you think being single at this point in your life is a curse. I really don't. I'm much older than you and I don't feel that way at all. Have you been married before and are now widowed or divorced. Perhaps had your kids and their out of the house? If you have then, might I suggest, you've kinda done the relationship thing already. No one will really judge you for being single. All you need to do is look at the threads here which ask... The person I'm dating is TT years old is there something wrong with them? As for traveling alone: I've done that. I did that this summer. I traveled to a UNESCO world heritage site here in Collinsville IL. A big wonderful American Indian city abandoned in the late 1600's. While seeing the ruin itself during the day was fun, alone, at nite, in a darkened hotel room, I could not help but feel profoundly alone there. The next day All I could think as I climbed to the top of Monk's Mound, the largest pyramid in the Americas north of Mexico, was how I'd like to be doing this with someone. I enjoyed the view and all but it was very quiet and lonely up there. People are not built to be solitary. We are built to be part of groups. The most fundamental group we are meant to be part of is a family group which requires at least two people. A suggestion: If you do get in a couple and want to travel and all that stuff. Just don't have children right away OR if you go the distance until the children are gone you can save traveling for the rest of your life together. After all if you have kids at 30-40 you'll be 50-60 when they are in their 20's and able to fend for themselves. Leaving you and your spouse with the rest of your lives to travel. 1
somedude81 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 For the other person to find you they have to be looking. A lot of people who get married do so because they met because of a common interest, weren't looking for someone special or expecting it to happen, but it grew from a conversation. You just have to be thrown into the same social environment together, someway or somehow. Chemistry can do the rest. Haven't you ever had the experience of meeting someone at work or school, and just developing a crush because they are so (insert amazing-ness here)? I agree with Mrlonelyone. I've met way too many girls that I felt were an absolute perfect match, but they weren't looking to date, so nothing ever happened. Meeting somebody I really like that I get along with so well, and having them prefer to be single instead of dating me, makes me feel like I'm the butt of some practical joke. It doesn't make any sense to meet somebody like that and be allowed to spend time with and get close to them but have them be hands off.
Drseussgrrl Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I wish I could be like that but I'm so scared that people will see me alone at a restaurant and think I'm a loser or something Haha. Girl you know what? I really don't care what people think. I do what makes me happy. 2
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 Haha. Girl you know what? I really don't care what people think. I do what makes me happy. I have always been afraid of how people view me so I guess that's an issue, I feel like people see I'm single and think I'm a loser too that's why I rush. And I'm always like oh ill do it eventually, then I never do. I want to go to Peru this summer or even just out of the state in general I'm just afraid, what if no one wants to talk to me? I have such an issue with conversations.. I suck lol
Drseussgrrl Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Have you been married before and are now widowed or divorced. Perhaps had your kids and their out of the house? If you have then, might I suggest, you've kinda done the relationship thing already. No one will really judge you for being single. All you need to do is look at the threads here which ask... The person I'm dating is TT years old is there something wrong with them? As for traveling alone: I've done that. I did that this summer. I traveled to a UNESCO world heritage site here in Collinsville IL. A big wonderful American Indian city abandoned in the late 1600's. While seeing the ruin itself during the day was fun, alone, at nite, in a darkened hotel room, I could not help but feel profoundly alone there. The next day All I could think as I climbed to the top of Monk's Mound, the largest pyramid in the Americas north of Mexico, was how I'd like to be doing this with someone. I enjoyed the view and all but it was very quiet and lonely up there. People are not built to be solitary. We are built to be part of groups. The most fundamental group we are meant to be part of is a family group which requires at least two people. A suggestion: If you do get in a couple and want to travel and all that stuff. Just don't have children right away OR if you go the distance until the children are gone you can save traveling for the rest of your life together. After all if you have kids at 30-40 you'll be 50-60 when they are in their 20's and able to fend for themselves. Leaving you and your spouse with the rest of your lives to travel. Never been married. Don't have kids. Would like to some day but what am I gonna do? Sit around and mope until he shows up? Life's too short. 3
Treasa Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 GO TO PERU!! That sounds awesome. As far as making conversation is concerned...as with everything else, you don't get good at it unless you do it. Unless it's one of your rare natural talents, that goes for anything you want to be good at in life.
Drseussgrrl Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I agree with Mrlonelyone. I've met way too many girls that I felt were an absolute perfect match, but they weren't looking to date, so nothing ever happened. Meeting somebody I really like that I get along with so well, and having them prefer to be single instead of dating me, makes me feel like I'm the butt of some practical joke. It doesn't make any sense to meet somebody like that and be allowed to spend time with and get close to them but have them be hands off. This has happened to me before too. Oh well. Yeah it sucks but what are you gonna do?
Necris Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I wish I could be like that but I'm so scared that people will see me alone at a restaurant and think I'm a loser or something I'm a guy and sit alone at restaurants all the time, and I don't think people think I'm jut that weird loser loner guy, but then again... I'm not sure, but if you're a woman sitting alone depending on the place may attract male attention as you may look more approachable.
suladas Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I can see where people are coming from wanting someone. I have been pretty content with my life, but having someone else makes it better. Before having one, I was pretty content to and didn't know what I was missing so it wasn't as bad. There is certainly drawbacks, but in my opinion they were worth the advantages of a relationship. Not going to mope around waiting for one, but it would be nice. And as said you have to improve yourself and be someone that someone wants to be with. Sure you got someone with who you were before, but you can always do more.
xxoo Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I looked at meet up groups but nothing in my area was interesting to me. I feel like such a loser, no one at 22 has this many dating issues it's shameful! Igo out to clubs and bars but you know What about class? PT job? Internship? Volunteering in the community in ways that put you in contact with other passionate, caring young people? Bars and clubs are more about shopping for someone hot than getting to know people and make connections. I wish I could be like that but I'm so scared that people will see me alone at a restaurant and think I'm a loser or something Strangers aren't thinking about you nearly as much as you believe they are. I'm married, and I still go to restaurants and movies alone on occasion. No one is judging solo patrons, or assuming they are lonely, unless they outwardly look unhappy. 1
HitMeNow Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 The only happiness comes from inside. You could be an average normal single dude and you could be happy and you could be some super good looking celebrity in a marriage who has all s/he wants and be unhappy.
TheZebra Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I'm a guy and sit alone at restaurants all the time, and I don't think people think I'm jut that weird loser loner guy, but then again.... When I was living in NY back in 2011, I didn't know many people in the beginning but I didn't want to keep myself from going out either. I sat at the bar or at a restaurant booth alone many times. A few times guys would actually come up and strike up a conversation (though at the time I was in a relationship). And when they didn't, I just enjoyed my meals/drink. I don't think anyone looked at me weird; I mean, when you go to a restaurant with friends/family do you look at every person sitting alone and start judging them? I'm so distracted I don't even notice.
somedude81 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 This has happened to me before too. Oh well. Yeah it sucks but what are you gonna do? There is nothing one can do. I was just making the point that I agreed with Mr.lonely. People only fall in love when they are open to it.
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