april38 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 You didn't do anything per se. But sex being easily available for men and lack of commitment on both sides is the main reason people avoid relationships nowadays. Of Course a lot of people specially women are going to be affected by this and stay single even if they don't want to and you happen to be one of them now. I can't say I like what you have to say but I do see the honest validity in it. I guess when it comes to finding someone, it just comes down to having patience, putting yourself out there, and hopefully making friendships that can turn into something deeper. Also, practicing "The Secret"...which simply states if you don't believe that you're going to find love you wont, if you live as if love is already in your life and believe that you will find it, you will. It's a good theory.
runningfar Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Ok just thinking mostly everyone on here has some type of relationship issue, what did we do to deserve such a horrible tough time in dating? Like I was on this girls fb and she is 25 married to a super hot marine and has 2 small kids... How did we get so effed over? I mean I'm sure we don't deserve this alone single loneliness you know? Just thinking... Everyone has different paths. When one door closes... I almost fell apart when my husband divorced me. But built myself up and now I am happier with my boyfriend than I ever have been, and was happier with myself in the time I chose to remain single than I had been at many times before with a partner. Ps. My husband and I looked very happy to the day my world fell apart. Not saying that is the case with anyone you see; I certainly hope not for anyone; but pictures don't say.
TheFinalWord Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Everyone has different paths. When one door closes... I almost fell apart when my husband divorced me. But built myself up and now I am happier with my boyfriend than I ever have been, and was happier with myself in the time I chose to remain single than I had been at many times before with a partner. Ps. My husband and I looked very happy to the day my world fell apart. Not saying that is the case with anyone you see; I certainly hope not for anyone; but pictures don't say. I was going to post something similar. My friend always had pics of her and husband all over office, phone, FB...they're getting a divorce. You never know what is going on in people's lives. People always put on a front for the world to see. Many times the people that appear to have everything in life, are the most unsatisfied. If you don't believe me, look at Hollywood stars. FB is even worse as it creates a false sense of competition and can induce narcissism...who has more "friends" (I use that term loosely), pics with "great social" life (if you think getting drunk every weekend is great, personally I don't get it)...look how great my life is! Honestly, I think FB can be a great tool for connecting, but it has an ugly side and if you are suffering from low self-esteem (what I gather from many of your posts) I really think you would be better off without it. People's lives are way more complicated than the "snapshot" you see on FB. And that's all you are seeing BTW, a "snapshot" of self-selected moments in life. Self-selected b/c most of the pics/posts I see coming from young people have a "keeping up with Jones" feel to them. Except now you have 500+ Jones' to outdo. I'm not saying your friends life is terrible, but you just don't know...her husband being a marine; he could get deployed or gone for long periods of time. Not every woman has the strength for that...husband gone, in foreign land, always potential to get killed or maimed. Don't assume her life is all roses.
TouchedByViolet Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Being single definitely isn't the worst thing to happen to you. As other's have mentioned being in a unhappy relationship can be much worse. Having said that when people are involuntarily single for long periods of time it gives you that stuck in a rut feeling which can chip away at you. There are different types of sadness and happiness in this life. The severity varies based on the individual and situation.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I can't even believe this OP is not meant as some kind of bait. You can't really, honestly think like this. You don't "deserve" a freaking thing, good or bad. A person's life is what they make of the hand they're dealt. OP, you need to grow up for a long, long time before you'd be ready for ANY of the challenges presented by a relationship. You seem to be in a total fantasy world at this stage. You're in therapy, right? Get busy in there. 7
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 I can't even believe this OP is not meant as some kind of bait. You can't really, honestly think like this. You don't "deserve" a freaking thing, good or bad. A person's life is what they make of the hand they're dealt. OP, you need to grow up for a long, long time before you'd be ready for ANY of the challenges presented by a relationship. You seem to be in a total fantasy world at this stage. You're in therapy, right? Get busy in there. I haven't been to therapy in a month or so because I wasn't having any issues I really needed to work out. I don't think I necessarily deserve a relationship but I mean what makes someone deserving or not deserving? I don't the the idiot who has 3 kids by 3 dads and is sitting at home on her ass on welfare DESERVES the children she has or the men who are interested, I don't think the girl I went to HS with who slept with every guy who said hello DESERVES to now be engaged to a seemingly decent man... It happened. I don't think I deserve to be single.. I am not a bad person and I would make some guys life pretty awesome actually.
monicaelise Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I haven't been to therapy in a month or so because I wasn't having any issues I really needed to work out. I don't think I necessarily deserve a relationship but I mean what makes someone deserving or not deserving? I don't the the idiot who has 3 kids by 3 dads and is sitting at home on her ass on welfare DESERVES the children she has or the men who are interested, I don't think the girl I went to HS with who slept with every guy who said hello DESERVES to now be engaged to a seemingly decent man... It happened. I don't think I deserve to be single.. I am not a bad person and I would make some guys life pretty awesome actually. I think the basic idea is that "desert" (as in deserving) is an entirely inappropriate concept here. Relationships, or an absence of them, are not earned or merited, despite all the stupid jargon used in reference to them. Think of all the people who are in horrible relationships. Where does the notion of desert come into play with them? Do they "deserve" to be in bad relationships? Moreover, what about the horrible people who go from one relationship to the next without a single "single" moment between them? Do you really think they "earned" their relationships? How would you measure someone else's worthiness against your own? Are you more qualified to be in a relationship than the people you're measuring yourself again? What's the scale you're using to make that determination? Asking why you "deserve" to be single is like asking whether the colour green is more morally upstanding than the colour blue. 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 I think the basic idea is that "desert" (as in deserving) is an entirely inappropriate concept here. Relationships, or an absence of them, are not earned or merited, despite all the stupid jargon used in reference to them. Think of all the people who are in horrible relationships. Where does the notion of desert come into play with them? Do they "deserve" to be in bad relationships? Moreover, what about the horrible people who go from one relationship to the next without a single "single" moment between them? Do you really think they "earned" their relationships? How would you measure someone else's worthiness against your own? Are you more qualified to be in a relationship than the people you're measuring yourself again? What's the scale you're using to make that determination? Asking why you "deserve" to be single is like asking whether the colour green is more morally upstanding than the colour blue. I am more deserving than some of the people I know... but I mean overall no but there are a few. I just feel like if you're a good person bad things shouldn't always happen to you.
TaraMaiden Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I am more deserving than some of the people I know... but I mean overall no but there are a few. I just feel like if you're a good person bad things shouldn't always happen to you. But they do. Just as good things happen to bad people. Just as bad things happen to bad people. Just as good things happen to good people. It's called 'Life's little roller-coaster'. You are no more, nor less deserving than the person standing right next to you, whether you believe they deserve it or not. Because they're just as human as you are, and nobody can judge who should - or shouldn't be more deserving than anyone else.
Mr Scorpio Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I am more deserving than some of the people I know... but I mean overall no but there are a few. I just feel like if you're a good person bad things shouldn't always happen to you. First, I don't think anyone is any more or less deserving of love than another. Second, to assert that bad things always happen to you, when you have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and food in your stomach is a bit narrow-sighed IMHO. Third, what does your faith have to say about being deserving? 1
monicaelise Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I am more deserving than some of the people I know... but I mean overall no but there are a few. I just feel like if you're a good person bad things shouldn't always happen to you. Tell this to all the women who end up in battered women's shelters, or worse, as a result of the relationships they "deserved"... You're just not getting it.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 But they do. Just as good things happen to bad people. Just as bad things happen to bad people. Just as good things happen to good people. It's called 'Life's little roller-coaster'. You are no more, nor less deserving than the person standing right next to you, whether you believe they deserve it or not. Because they're just as human as you are, and nobody can judge who should - or shouldn't be more deserving than anyone else. So jobless bum deserves a kid more than a person who works and has the means and everything for a kid? (Not my situation just in general)
Radu Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Ok just thinking mostly everyone on here has some type of relationship issue, what did we do to deserve such a horrible tough time in dating? Like I was on this girls fb and she is 25 married to a super hot marine and has 2 small kids... How did we get so effed over? I mean I'm sure we don't deserve this alone single loneliness you know? Just thinking... Be carefull, this is jealousy ... it shows insecurity in you. To answer your question, i know what i did to be in the single life for now. It's not something that can be taken back, or something that others can fix for me. And yes, seeing the ppl who caused this live their lives [or be remembered fondly], does make my blood boil ... but there's nothing i can do about it.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 Tell this to all the women who end up in battered women's shelters, or worse, as a result of the relationships they "deserved"... You're just not getting it. I understand its just hard to like come to terms with..
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 The entire concept of "DESERVING" is repugnant to me. Just exchange it for "entitled" in most of the situations where it's used; certainly in the OP's posts. It has to be one of my most hated words in the English language. IB - are you being deliberately obtuse? It's been explained clearly that the concept of "deserving" does not apply to ANY of the things you persist in applying it to. Nice people don't "deserve" children, relationships, loneliness. Heinous people don't "deserve" children, relationships, loneliness. "Deserving" is not a functional term for much. Including the slogan "You Deserve a Break Today." No, you don't. Have one or don't. It has nothing to do with "deserts." 3
TouchedByViolet Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 You are no more, nor less deserving than the person standing right next to you, whether you believe they deserve it or not. Because they're just as human as you are, and nobody can judge who should - or shouldn't be more deserving than anyone else. This sounds ridiculous. Of course some people deserve more than others. I think you all are confusing "deserving" with the fact that life simply isn't fair. **** happens and you have to deal with it. There is no one balancing the scales. Some people get it easy and others get it hard, it's life. 1
monicaelise Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Good grief!! Being single is not a punishment (for some of us it's a freakin' blessing lol!) anymore than a damned relationship is a reward. Why is this so hard to understand? It's not like earning a degree or a prize for raising the best chickens. You're talking about interpersonal interactions. For crying out loud, if you honestly think being in a relationship is a reward for having great character, think of Hitler or Ted Bundy. Both of these "good" people had relationships. 3
Treasa Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 But they do. Just as good things happen to bad people. Just as bad things happen to bad people. Just as good things happen to good people. It's called 'Life's little roller-coaster'. You are no more, nor less deserving than the person standing right next to you, whether you believe they deserve it or not. Because they're just as human as you are, and nobody can judge who should - or shouldn't be more deserving than anyone else. I'm quoting this because you need to read it again, even if you've already read it once.
Treasa Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 This sounds ridiculous. Of course some people deserve more than others. I think you all are confusing "deserving" with the fact that life simply isn't fair. **** happens and you have to deal with it. There is no one balancing the scales. Some people get it easy and others get it hard, it's life. Even the people who "get it easy" have problems, and just because they have it easy doesn't mean they're happy.
Ross MwcFan Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 A lot of us haven't done anything to deserve it.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 what did we do to deserve such a horrible tough time in dating? How did we get so effed over? Also, you've hardly had a "horrible tough time in dating." You have not even made a realistic attempt at appropriate dating. From what you've posted, it's either sordid booty calls or complete fantasy about babies and somebody who'll marry you who's white and hot, without even considering the character and compatibility of the person you are fantasizing about, or what YOU have to offer at this point of your life. Frankly, you seem like a 12 year old girl with the freedom of a person of your age. Not a very good combination for being safe and making good decisions. 3
TaraMaiden Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 So jobless bum deserves a kid more than a person who works and has the means and everything for a kid? (Not my situation just in general) Who the hell are you to say they don't - if they want children as much as you do? What gives you the right to climb on your moral high horse and decide in your mind who deserves what?? I don't think you deserve to have children ever, because you live in cloud cuckoo land and have delusions about what it's like to have kids - you are extremely misguided - but does that give me a right to determine you don't deserve kids?? Absolutely not! It's utterly unthinkable! 3
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 Also, you've hardly had a "horrible tough time in dating." You have not even made a realistic attempt at appropriate dating. From what you've posted, it's either sordid booty calls or complete fantasy about babies and somebody who'll marry you who's white and hot, without even considering the character and compatibility of the person you are fantasizing about, or what YOU have to offer at this point of your life. Frankly, you seem like a 12 year old girl with the freedom of a person of your age. Not a very good combination for being safe and making good decisions. I have dated I spent all of 2012 practically dating
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 Who the hell are you to say they don't - if they want children as much as you do? What gives you the right to climb on your moral high horse and decide in your mind who deserves what?? I don't think you deserve to have children ever, because you live in cloud cuckoo land and have delusions about what it's like to have kids - you are extremely misguided - but does that give me a right to determine you don't deserve kids?? Absolutely not! It's utterly unthinkable! Ok so you are in support of bums having kids.. Cool I get it now. I do deserve kids because I'm a good person and by the time I have them I will be able to provide
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