Allie788 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Hello everyone, my name is Alicia and I'm new to this forum! Here is my situation and I wanted to know if someone can please help me with it because I'm so confused right now. I've been dating my boyfriend Matt for 10 months now, just recently he has been acting very strange around me. I went to a concert on December 29th with my father ( The Fixx, I love 80's music!) and he knew that I was going two months prior. I went to the concert and had a blast with friends and my dad, I even got to hang out with the band for a while! When I came back home Matt was asleep because it was after midnight, the next morning he kept accusing me of cheating! I've never cheated in my life, nor will I ever! He was like, " You lied to me about what time you came home from the concert, where were you?" I told him that the concert was over at 11:30, the band didn't come out to sign until 12:15. So I was waiting for all 5 band members to sign my ticket stub..my dad even waited for me! He was like, "You are lying, why don't you just come clean?" I told him that I didn't cheat..like 12 million times! Then he was like," Please gather your things and leave my house key on the table, we need a break for a while"..whaaaaat? Then he went on a texting rampage and accused me of cheating and how he doesn't want a cheater in his life! I couldn't even talk to him because he avoided hearing my voice! We spent 4 days apart..and he called me one night to come over so he can apologize. Now, he's back to his weird ways again, after work I used to go to his apartment so we can spend time together, he was coming home from work today and he saw me going to get my mail, after getting my mail I walked up the hill and saw him getting out of his truck, he saw me and ran into his apartment! I knocked on the door and he said, "leave me alone!" I went back to my apartment, he sent me another text saying, " Things are a lot different now, I need some time to be alone after I get home from work, things aren't the way they used to be..I'll text you when I'm ready for you to come over(which is like 3 hours later and we don't even get to spend enough time together before he has to be in bed for work!)What is going on? I'm very upset by his behavior, it sounds like to me that he doesn't want a relationship and is trying to back out of it. When I questioned him about where we stand in our relationship, he said we are taking it one day at a time. This is hurting me more and more because he is playing head games with me, he doesn't say I love you anymore, he's distant in bed( not sexually, but cuddling), he says he can't sleep when I sleep over, he gives me weak hugs. I would love to know what his problem is so I can save myself from a possible heartache, any advice would be great..Thanks so much!
Sanctionne Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 My ex started to act strange before he broke it off w/me as well. And from past experience and hearing stories from friends, if he is making accusations such as you cheating, then he may actually be the one cheating. I can't know for sure, but something is going on w/him. Don't feed into his game. Let him play it all by himself. Besides, he doesn't sound very stable or committed. Relationships are hard work. You have to work at them constantly. And if he is that quick to just kick you out and not hear you out then that says a lot right there. Just be thankful that you found out sooner than later. 1
KungFuJoe Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 He sounds nutty as ****. Run as fast as you can and don't look back. 2
CC12 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Did you ever ask him what he meant by "Things are a lot different now, things aren't what they used to be"? Has he always been like this, or is this a complete change in his personality? It's very strange behavior, especially when he ran away from you and wouldn't even answer his door. You should sit him down and ask him if there's something going on in his life that is making him behave this way. Maybe he's really stressed about something. Not that it would excuse his behavior, but it might make it a little more understandable and it's something you can work with, possibly. If he can't give you any kind of reason why he's being such a jerk to you, then you should definitely walk away. You should probably be ready to walk away, anyway. But at least if you ask him what his problem is, you'll have tried to give him a chance. Whatever you choose to do, don't put up with being treated that way. You're being way too accommodating to his jerkish antics. When he tells you to leave him alone, leave him alone completely. Don't then show up when he calls you, ready for you to come over. When he accuses you of something you didn't do, don't keep defending yourself over and over. At some point you've got to say, "I've told you the truth and there's nothing else I can say. I'm going home/hanging up now." When he runs away from you like an eight year old and hides in his apartment, don't go after him. You can save yourself some heartache by sticking up for yourself. If your relationship ends, it's going to hurt, but it will hurt less, I think, if you do not let him jerk you around for weeks leading up to the breakup. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 He's up to something himself, he's sabotaging the relationship on purpose...I know you're taking it personal but it has nothing to do with you. He's either cheating on you himself or sabotaging the relationship because he doesn't know how to get out of it. You should pressure him for the truth, because I know women need that in order to move on....but he's acting very shady, I know you think you love the guy and all of that but he isn't good for you and you'll find out in the end this is just silly games, he has a hidden agenda, there is a reason for him doing this and it has nothing to do with you...you're just the one he's dumping this out on because you happen to be there, he's already disconnected, then he'll tell you he doesn't love you anymore, then he'll tell you about someone new. This happens all the time, every day...I know you think your situation is "confusing" but you have to realize the majority of men are simply to cowardly to admit the truth, instead they act passive aggressive trying to make you feel bad for it and like you caused it, therefore they don't have to accept it themselves and feel guilty, they can just convince themselves you had something to do with it. Keep trying to "fix it" and "understand it", try to find someone to "make it work" if that's what you want to do regardless of the reality, but you won't save this and he'll still dump you in the end....in fact he already has, you just haven't accepted it yet, depends on the kind of girl you are on how long you'll be in denial of it...you'll think you're getting somewhere and making progress...but you're really not, remember that...and I'm sure he'll string you along, not because he loves you...but because that's what a lot of guys do instead of be alone. 1
Author Allie788 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 Thanks for the advice everyone, it really helped me out a lot! I got rid of him, there was no way I was going to let him use me like that! He doesn't want a relationship, and I don't even think he knows how to have a mature adult relationship. He is 35 years old and acts like a child! On top of that, he is an alcoholic. I did the right thing and am very proud of myself! 7
Treasa Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Thanks for the advice everyone, it really helped me out a lot! I got rid of him, there was no way I was going to let him use me like that! He doesn't want a relationship, and I don't even think he knows how to have a mature adult relationship. He is 35 years old and acts like a child! On top of that, he is an alcoholic. I did the right thing and am very proud of myself! Way to go! Wish more people were like you. 2
jakelongot Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Thanks for the advice everyone, it really helped me out a lot! I got rid of him, there was no way I was going to let him use me like that! He doesn't want a relationship, and I don't even think he knows how to have a mature adult relationship. He is 35 years old and acts like a child! On top of that, he is an alcoholic. I did the right thing and am very proud of myself! He's 35? I would have figured early 20's. Yeah, he's just trying to back out of the relationship and put the blame on you. You made the right move. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 He sounds like a weirdo. You made the right decision 1
spiderowl Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 He thinks you're cheating? Sounds more like he's cheating - or at least considering doing so. Something has changed with his behaviour not yours. Whatever the situation, he shouldn't be treating you like this and you'd be justified in dumping him. 1
charlietheginger Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 You went to the concert with your dad. I know this may sound like a far leap at Guessing what happened but hear me out. Your boyfriend was not or is not close To his father. He is jealous you got to Goto the concert with your dad. Being He was not close to his dad he can't Go to a concert with his dad. Hence you Did with your dad what he cant do with his dad Equaled jealousy and anger. I might be wrong but ill make another assumption He was from a broken home or is father is dead. If he does have jealousy issues that you have a loving Father and he does or did not. Then you will understand Why being with your father is considered cheating in His eyes.
charlietheginger Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Im saying this becuase my dad hit me Very hard it left a scar on my face. I see That small indentation on my face in the mirror. I get sorta jealous when ever i dated a women Close to her father. Jealous to the fact why Does their dad love them so much? Yet my Own dad hit me.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Sorry but unfortunately it has taken some emotional investment and time for you to discover you have gotten involved with an irrational, judgemental and paranoid person. You are lucky to find this out before the much worse thing of marrying and having kids with a person with these shortfalls. I don't give the advice to write partners off and move on lightly but you've seen who he is and that's some deeply discouraging trust issues. Hugs from you new friends at LS while you face cutting the cord with this mistake of a man. 2
dreamingoftigers Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Whew, I thought this was going to be a really heavy thread! Thank goodness you dropped him. This is exactly how my husband acted during alcoholic relapse after treatment for sexual addiction. Yes you read that right Upwards and onwards!
todreaminblue Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I am another [poster that woudl advocate tryign to work things out....when a guy accuses em of cheating however when i am not cheating, or never even contemplated cheating I have found through experience they are cheating>its a guilt complex.....oen fo the reasons i continually gave chances to cheatign partners, is because i truly didnt feel they woudl do it again too, because i am honest i expected them to be which makes me an utter idiot....... I do feel you have done the right thing, i have father issues men issues trust issues paranoia issues, and i dont take it out on the guys i am with or guy as in singular....at the moment no one....lol....there is no excuse in making others feel crappy......because you are doign crap to them for one, or you have had trust issues in the past, you give everyone their individuality and knwo not everyoen makes the same choices in life.......or we woudl all eb clones living the same lives.......your ex did the wrong thing and the running in to his apartment sounds sus......weak hugs...ugh.......not a good sign.....i like boa hugs too....;0)....you did the right thing.....i wish you much happiness and hope you find that boa hugger, weak hugs no effort ...no love.....its a nah......deb
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