Author newhorizon Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 File for divorce now. Why are you waiting? A man does decisive things, if you're done then be done. File immediately get her served, she's currently having her cake and eating it because she knows she can offer crumbs and you'll come running. You know she's having an affair. She's left you in the worst possible way because she didn't have the courage to tell you or break up with you. File now, it may hurt but it will put your mind at ease and start the process of properly healing and moving forward with your life because it's obvious the woman you love is gone. Good luck I understand what you are saying it makes sence, there's no way in taking her back ever. The reason I wanted to wait was bc I'm in the process of moving out into a new apartment and money will be tight while I settle down. Most likely I might not even have to wait that long i will probably file waaayyyy before that. I like the way you are straight forward, I really do appreciate that! Thank you
Author newhorizon Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 So today I received closure, through an email and with the worst thing a woman can tell a man.- she is pregnant from another man- That being said, I don't know what's going on with me, I only shame, no hate, no anger, no heart ache. I kinda feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. I know I'm probably just numb and that it will all hit me hard eventually but when I read it all I thought to my self was "that explains everything" I know I have some dark days, weeks, months, maybe years ahead of me but I'm not worried about that but I am no longer scared I learned something from that Pablo Coelho book, "the thought of fear is worse than the actual fear" It doesent change anything I've been done with her this just re enforces me and shows me how lucky I am for not having her in my life anymore.
Darren Steez Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Sorry to hear that pal. Real sorry. Hope you find the light at the end of this dark tunnel. She's not your problem anymore. She will never find any happiness in her dishonesty, now all that sex has got her pregnant, her infidelity a remainder to her and this union that started out from lying and cheating will never have a solid base based on trust and real love. Soon the excitement will fade and they will settle into normal life. You're much better off without her, as hard as that sounds at the moment. Good luck.
Author newhorizon Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 Darren, I know for sure I am better off without her. So thats the push I needed I will file for divorce ASAP. For the first time I am glad she is out of my life!! theres no kids or any other strings attached between us. I just closed down that email account and changed my phone number again. I really hope to never see her again, just like that thing I flushed down the toilet this morning lol
Mystery2Me Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Hi NH, So very sorry I am for your sorrow and pain at learning the news. Please let me kindly remind you that you've come an incredible long way; and you will continue to do so!! I agree you are numb and rightly so are in full survival mode (~perhaps sort of forced back to the denial stage to make it thru) putting necessary distance by changing email/phone between the two of you. I know Ive mentioned it before, but please consider therapy/IC to address this cruel and abusive treatment. Continue taking care of yourself and reach out to your super support system. Be well. ~Mystery
Author newhorizon Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 Mystery, thanks for the reminder I will be going to counseling this week, as crazy as this is I feel surprisingly calm, I feel more in control of me and my future. I hope It can stay this way!! How have you been mystery?
Mystery2Me Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 You are most welcome, and continue to take care of yourself. I am doing very well right now! Of course that does not mean, STBXH has not been up to tricks but I've tighten up my mental/emotional game so am handling things much better (not perfectly but better). Just this week he texted me (after 9 mo NC), and I did not respond nor did I feel an overwhelming need to do so. I am thankful for my progress made dealing with my issues and confusion, and can finally enjoy and be more in control of my own life. Today popped into my favorite shop, dressed up, lunched w/a friend, and now am enjoying glass of wine and watching tellie. I am still praying and routing for you! ~Mystery
Author newhorizon Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 Thank you for the prayers mystery. It's good that you were able to control yourself and not respond to the text, and that you didn't feel the need to. Don't even think about that text or over analyze it, treat it as if it was spam! Why haven't you changed your number? Good job and taking care and spoiling yourself, remember now you are your own significant other. I know I've never spent so much time or money on myself since New Years it helps out a lot in distracting your mind. It's time to be real selfish lol Take care mystery, we made it another day
Mystery2Me Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Thank you for the support!! Yes, another day we have and that's wonderful in itself. I did not change my number because I knew it would be a VERY long time if ever that STBXH would try to contact me( he's a scared ****)......which was true it's been NC for 9 months. Also frankly if healthfully possible it was important to maintain some of my identity , after 15 yrs. married I had been forced to change everything....I was not going to change my cell phone number of 10 years. Of course if had tried to take advantage...would have changed it. Finally, I knew if he did reach out the phone was a better option than he coming by home......and would be easier to reject him in the early days. Continue to shower yourself with life's gifts to regain yourself. ~Mystery
Author newhorizon Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 You made a good point there mystery, it's better if he tries to call you or something instead of going to your place!! I didn't think about it like that but it makes sence!! For me since she's out of the country it's better for me to just close all the doors and never hear from her again!! Mystery they broke us down, it's time to re build ourselves better and stronger, I'm kinda looking forward to meeting new people and doing new things. I feel that there's a motive for life now. I can honestly say I don't feel scared for the future bc I'm not thinking of the future, all that matters is what I am doing now, this instance, this second. Take care of yourself mystery I really appreciate your input!! This site saved my well being and mental health
MsOptimist Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I'm so sorry to hear about your latest piece of closure, nh! That is awful news to hear when still trying to deal with all of this. It's another piece of reality. Hang in there and I echo what the others have said - continue taking care of yourself and move through any feelings that will eventually come from this new piece of information.
2.50 a gallon Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 nh I hope you had a rewarding weekend. As to the future you are only 25, your whole life is ahead of you, you are are at the doorway of just starting to really live. Relax and let the winds of life introduce you to new ideas and places you never dreamed you can be in. Enjoy! Trust me it will happen 1
Author newhorizon Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 This week has been weird, I think I'm still numb from all this. I think of her but now I only remember the bad stuff she's put me through instead of anything good. I don't hate her, I don't wish her anything bad or any harm. Sometimes I catch myself wondering and asking myself questions but I realize that everything is irrelevant. I haven't had any anxiety or any type of pain, the only thing I feel is loneliness every once in a while I know everything is going to be fine, I've learned a lot from this experience, I'm looking forward to the day she is no longer in my mind. Thank you all for the great advice and support!
Author newhorizon Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 So another week that goes by and all I can say is that I feel GOOD!!! I havent had a single depressed or down moment. Ive been doing great at work, the crazy thing is that Ive been dreaming of her every single night, but I wake up in a great mood. My attitude towards life is positive, I feel relaxed and laid back. I hope my attitude stays like this. Its been 2 weeks since she dropped the bomb on me, and all I can say is that she liberated me. I was feeling like crap before but since then I feel that I really progressed in moving on! I am so much better with out her and it took all that for me to realize. yea, I still think of her, I still dream of her, but she no longer hurt me! I feel sorry for her!!
Oberfeldwebel Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 NH - Glad to hear you are progressing. Its funny how we want to know why, what could we have done differently and what can we repair what went wrong. People like our ex's though do what they do for their own selfish reasons and we really are a none factor in the bottom line. I recommend that you get legal documents to her soon, so that she can sign them and back to you to file. The sooner this story ends the quicker you will heal and be available to the great lady that is waiting for you. Carpe Diem!
2.50 a gallon Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 nh It sounds like the roller coaster is starting to flatten out. Someday in the near future, you will after some time realize that it has been months since you got off that ride. You have a great future ahead of you. Love life and live it.
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