feel hopeless

[newhorizon]

Yea closure without and explanation is hard but after all this time after all the pain your going through, do you really care what he has to say? To me after all she has put me through I don't want to hear a word from her all she's gonna do is keep blaming me for her desicions, I thought I wanted closure but in the end it's going to be the same old story=(

 

I don't know but I have a feeling that after your divorce is done your going to be way better, cut all ties that slow you down, like realeasing all the extra weight you've been carrying on your shoulders, a fresh breath of air. I don't know from experience yet but I'm thinking it is like a big homework assignment/project that's due soon and you've been putting it off or waiting for your partner to do it for you, then you realize it is almost due, you jump on it work hard and once it's done and turned in, you feel relaxed (at least I hope so)

 

Therapy is my next step I should of gone as soon as you told me, I noticed that this is affecting my job and I really can't be without a job. I don't want to add any more stress to my life. I'm still not looking forward to filing for divorce I need to save some money just incase things don't go smoothly. But I'll know when I'm ready physically and mentally. Hopefully the councelor will help me guide myself with the correct choises.

 

Enjoy your weekend mystery

[Mystery2Me]

Wonderful and wise insight NH!

 

Let me clarify about the closure, I completely agree with you in that I could care less what he thinks.

 

Rather was referring to instead of stating that the marriage is not working, they lie/cheat and runaway which causes us unnecessary painful confusion.... of which we are left to resolve on our own.

 

Take care and enjoy the weekend too!

[newhorizon]

Wonderful and wise insight NH!

 

Let me clarify about the closure, I completely agree with you in that I could care less what he thinks.

 

Rather was referring to instead of stating that the marriage is not working, they lie/cheat and runaway which causes us unnecessary painful confusion.... of which we are left to resolve on our own.

 

Take care and enjoy the weekend too!

 

Yes that was my biggest issue, she never came out and said "we are done" or "I want a divorce" nothing! She just left and did her dirty deeds!! That was and is hard for bc I begged and begged for a straight forward answer, she just wanted to keep in a leash while she did her stuff or Idk, doesent matter anymore that's the type of people they are and that's what makes us better.

 

They probably think it was going to hurt less or something. But then if they would of come up with a straight up break up, I think I would of still begged and begged and swore all kinda of stuff, there really is no easy way out for the one being dumped/betrayed, but at least I would of been further ahead in my recovery.

[2.50 a gallon]

From the way I read it, it was after she had been back home that she began to change. Or do you now think that this was pre-planned?

[newhorizon]

It was after she had gone, when she was here everything was good between us, she was telling me to go with her but I couldnt get the vacation at work. It was after she was over there that she changed.

[2.50 a gallon]

nh and M2M

 

How did your weekends go?

[Ladybugz]

wHY CANT YOU JUSt break up with her and move on?

 

And why do you wait till she leave you and lose interest in

you kind of to start acting like its painful.

Where where you when things started to go down hill?

 

WOman often take a lot of crap and for a long time.

So often when they choose to leave its understandable.

 

Im shore if she did stay you would have done noting to change the situation.

 

AND once she left the next you should have been on the plane to her to

have a heart to heart conversation and apologize and all that

you can to let her know you care.

And take action to better the situation.

 

Woman need affection and need to experience you often to

get you more into their mind and heart.

 

If you dont do it, someone else will.

 

And you should men up. Calling her parents is childish.

Marriage is not for boys.

So you need to step up , be open and get everything you have

to win her heart again.

If its real then. Cause maybe you are just acting now cause you

are afraid to be divorced.

[newhorizon]

I am moving on!!! I never called her parents asking them about anything! Things were fine when she left, she went on vacation and just stayed. And if she wouldn't of left how the f*k was I going to know what I messed up on if she never opened up, she was always happy or atleast she faked it! If I would know how to mind read then I would of done something diffrent!!!

So I don't need to step up anything or man up on anything I don't want her heart it's not my dam fault she couldn't communicate her needs and did what she did!

And your right marriage is not for boys, but it ain't for childish little girls either!

[newhorizon]

nh and M2M

 

How did your weekends go?

 

2.50 I had a great weekend, went duck hunting for the last time this season and mudding on Sunday. It was a good distraction! How about yourlself?

[2.50 a gallon]

nh

 

Glad to hear you got out and had some fun

 

"duck hunting" - In the late 70's it was a code word for asking a lady if she wanted to get blitzed on a bottle or two of Cold Duck

 

I am retired, so other than football season, there is little difference between the week days and weekend.

 

But this weekend was special, as it was half price day at Goodwill and I was able to find all but one of the World At War tapes I needed to complete my collection

 

Now next weekend, Go Niners

[Mystery2Me]

Hi NH,

 

Glad that you had a nice weekend in the duck blind! And I hope the goodness flows over thru the entire week.

 

Also good response to LadyBugs, I don't think she really meant to rain on your parade...just did know your history", because you are doing excellent!!!!!

 

Again speaks to my early comment gaining true "closure" After they cut and run we are left on our lonesome to learn how to balancing: A) The real-problem "against" B) The charade created by their smoke-n-mirror lies aimed to confuse us.

 

Keep pushing forward by settling the past (celebrating and mourning), to make room for the new!

 

~Cheers! Mystery

[Mystery2Me]

Hi 2.50!

 

Sounds like you had a well deserved smashing weekend, I love thrift stores and all things vintage!!!

 

Thank you for asking about my weekend, had a working weekend but it was in Vail,CO with beautiful mountain views; fire places; yummy food; and lovely wine.

 

I am working locally this week and am so thankful and happy. To be in my home (almost completely 100% purged of STWXH stuff) with my sweet doggie....is the BEST.

 

Finally I am feeling better after filing the divorce petition 2 wks ago, so I am gonna enjoy and pamper myselfy!!!!

 

Have a great week and another wonderful weekend! ~Mystery

[2.50 a gallon]

M2M

 

Glad to hear you are doing a little bit better. Divorce is always a bi&ch, and it appears that the only cure is time. Trust me with time it will get better.

 

I envy you. I fell in love with Colorado almost 60 years ago when I went throught there on vacation at age 8, and vowed that when I grew up I was going to live there.

 

Alas the tides of life have never permitted me to stay for more than a couple of weeks.

 

Enjoy the views, I imagine that the mountains are covered with snow, something I haven't seen in two decades

 

As for the thrift shopping, that is something that my GF introduced me to.

Yes there are men who actually like to go shopping with the woman of their life.

[newhorizon]

so this week I think I've been doing ok, I've gone to work right after that I go to the gym, come home, eat something, walk my dog, shower, read for an hour and go to sleep. One thing I'm thankful for us that my sleep has been great. Sunday was the last time I turned on the tv and really haven't missed it. I never used to read before going to sleep but I'm starting to enjoy it more and more. I'm hooked on a book by Pablo Coelho right now.

 

I've had some hard falls this week and they usually start by me asking myself questions trying to figure her out all the "why's", the "how's" all the unawnsered questions and doubts. It seems all this hits me when I'm at work. Sometimes I think this nc is a double edge, it helps to heal but it also makes u forget the bad things, I'm not going to lie, sometimes I do wish her back and feel like calling her, good thing I haven't done it, when I get that urge I just turn off my phone and buy a snack or something.

 

I made up my mind this morning, I will file for divorce on the day we got married. March 29

[Mystery2Me]

Hey NH!

 

Man, isn't this moving forward work...but you are handling things brilliantly! This process of closure or sorting thru the marriage, has a life of it's own.

 

****Yes, NC is a double edge. But the clarity it provides, is worth it's sharp edge of loneliness you must bear. My friend, you simply miss her, it is true, and it is okay. What really matters is how you deal with it, so you can move forward*****

 

Now back to the closure process...Rarely does this process ask our permission or wait for a suitable time to drop a rememberance into our minds. Looks like your process, just loves to drop memories while you are at work.

 

May I share a claming technique that works for me (Warning may find it silly)? I've created claming stones/tiny rocks by asking my parents/family/friends to pray with me for strength while holding them. Then I have strategically placed at my desk, coat pocket, car, bed side...so when I'm stressed just seeing them can take the edge off. Also, I have created them by carrying a new stone in my purse when enjoying a night out or coffee with friends.

 

Take home, if possible place something at your desk that brings you joy. Perhaps the Pablo Coelho read you can't put down.

 

Hang in there, you are getting stronger by the second! ~Mystery

[Yasuandio]

Hey NH!

 

Man, isn't this moving forward work...but you are handling things brilliantly! This process of closure or sorting thru the marriage, has a life of it's own.

 

****Yes, NC is a double edge. But the clarity it provides, is worth it's sharp edge of loneliness you must bear. My friend, you simply miss her, it is true, and it is okay. What really matters is how you deal with it, so you can move forward*****

 

Now back to the closure process...Rarely does this process ask our permission or wait for a suitable time to drop a rememberance into our minds. Looks like your process, just loves to drop memories while you are at work.

 

May I share a claming technique that works for me (Warning may find it silly)? I've created claming stones/tiny rocks by asking my parents/family/friends to pray with me for strength while holding them. Then I have strategically placed at my desk, coat pocket, car, bed side...so when I'm stressed just seeing them can take the edge off. Also, I have created them by carrying a new stone in my purse when enjoying a night out or coffee with friends.

 

Take home, if possible place something at your desk that brings you joy. Perhaps the Pablo Coelho read you can't put down.

 

Hang in there, you are getting stronger by the second! ~Mystery

 

What????????

[newhorizon]

Mystery it's been hard work no doubt! How have you been this week?

 

See, I work at a shop repairing heavy equipment, and today I notice what a mess my work area is, I'm going to start by cleaning it up and organizing my tool box. I don't remember when was the last time I actually organized everything I have old parts laying around metal scrap that I might use ect. Everything I don't really need is getting thrown away.

 

It's time to start organizing everything even my apartment is a mess!! So that's the plan for this weekend have my worplace and apartment clean and organized, I'm not saying I'm a hoarder, but I just haven't been keeping up. I want to host the game at my place so that's the goal.

 

I think this week I took another step forward, for the first time it really hit me that now I can buy stuff do stuff that I couldn'twhen I was married! For example I can now save the money and buy myself that atv I wanted without having to take anyone in consideration, if I want to go on a trip or anywhere I just go its like a new sence of freedom that I didn't feel before!!

 

I'll keep that in mind mystery, I will bring something from home for when I'm feeling down. But I feel glad this roller coaster doesn't hit me while I'm at home, so I can relax while I'm there.

 

Thanks

[2.50 a gallon]

nh

 

I can buy what I want, do what I want, when I want and with whomever I want, whenever I want.

 

Another step in the healing process, you are in the process of detaching.

 

That's Good

 

Plans for the weekend, or just watching the Super Bowl?

 

M2M

 

If your plan works for you, go for it.

[newhorizon]

2.50

 

Exactly for example today, I wanted a nice watch I stopped at a jewelry store and bought me that watch that I've wanted for a few months, no worries no questions no second guesses nothing just went out and bought and it feels good. This is in my opinion a huge step and mental freedom!!

 

I've always wanted a nice watch collection or atleast have a good variety to choose from.

 

For the superbowl, I'm thinking of beer and lighting up that grill!! How about you??

[2.50 a gallon]

I am a model builder, a part of the kid in me I refuse to let go of. The Ex never said a word about it while we were living together, but that changed when she became Mrs. Gallon.

 

So when we separated, one of the first thing's I did was splurge at the hobby shop.

 

As for the Super Bowl, I am retired, Doc said lay off the beer as it reacts to my med, I don't mind, I am a rummy. I never asked the doc about that, so no doubt I will have a rum flavored coke.

 

No Grill, my team is playing so will only leave the recliner for refills, I was going to crock pot some ribs, but they switched my ladys hour and she won't be home until after the game is over, so for me it might just be chili dogs

[newhorizon]

There's nothing wrong with a little rum flavored coke.

 

This morning the loneliness is hitting me hard don't even feel like getting out of bed. I don't even know what to do today I don't have any plans and nothing comes to mind. I feel with out energy to do anything. As I was typing this my friend calls me to see If I will go with him to buy a trailer so that changed my mood real fast. Talking about perfect timing!

 

So what do you do with all the models you've built?? I'm guessing you've put together quite a few, I once built a model car it was a 69 camaro I built it when I was 8 years old and said that once I grow up I would buy and restore one, hasn't happened yet, one day though I will.

[Mystery2Me]

Hi NH and 2.5,

 

Glad you gentleman are enjoying the weekend! Hang in there NH; I struggle with monrings too, you are doing well.

 

Beautiful weather at home this weekend, so I endulgled enjoyed lunch at my favorite place and a nice glass of wine.

 

Now enjoying a bit of a late night, wathching my new DVD.

 

Hope it a great super bowl!! ~Mystery

[Darren Steez]

so this week I think I've been doing ok, I've gone to work right after that I go to the gym, come home, eat something, walk my dog, shower, read for an hour and go to sleep. One thing I'm thankful for us that my sleep has been great. Sunday was the last time I turned on the tv and really haven't missed it. I never used to read before going to sleep but I'm starting to enjoy it more and more. I'm hooked on a book by Pablo Coelho right now.

 

I've had some hard falls this week and they usually start by me asking myself questions trying to figure her out all the "why's", the "how's" all the unawnsered questions and doubts. It seems all this hits me when I'm at work. Sometimes I think this nc is a double edge, it helps to heal but it also makes u forget the bad things, I'm not going to lie, sometimes I do wish her back and feel like calling her, good thing I haven't done it, when I get that urge I just turn off my phone and buy a snack or something.

 

I made up my mind this morning, I will file for divorce on the day we got married. March 29

 

File for divorce now. Why are you waiting?

 

A man does decisive things, if you're done then be done.

 

File immediately get her served, she's currently having her cake and eating it because she knows she can offer crumbs and you'll come running.

 

You know she's having an affair. She's left you in the worst possible way because she didn't have the courage to tell you or break up with you.

 

File now, it may hurt but it will put your mind at ease and start the process of properly healing and moving forward with your life because it's obvious the woman you love is gone. Good luck

[2.50 a gallon]

nh

 

The worst time for me was the mornings, to awake from the fog of sleep and find that she's not there, was no way to start a new day

 

What I liked about the camaros was that the prettiest girls seem to be driving them, especially the convertables. They always seemed to have long flowing brown hair, that and the car made them all the prettier.

 

I had a Red 65 Cuda, Formula S, 4-speed, the speedomometer went up to 150, mine had the high speed gearing package and on a long steep down grade would go even faster. A couple of times I zipped by a rich boy in a vette and left him in the dust. And from the black exhaust he began putting out I knew he was trying to catch me.

 

I traded it in for a 69 El Camino, 4-speed, with SS package. That was my dream car for over a decade. It was a casualty to my divorce as I could only keep one car in my apartment complex parking space. The 396 was a gas hog, and they had outlawed leaded gas, so it had to go. By 82 they were becoming scarce, so sold it for several more grand then I paid for it, which went towards paying of the wedding ring set I would never see again. I don't miss the Ex, but still miss the car.

 

As for rum it also makes great pina coladas, and daiquiris, great for socializing, especially in conjunction with a hot tub.

 

Mystery I too used to like my wine, great for conversations when making home made pasta or Christmas cookies. I would sometimes take a box out to the pool and or the hot tub. But in that environment I was more into playing then talking.

 

Hope you both have a great Sunday

Edited February 3, 2013 by 2.50 a gallon

[2.50 a gallon]

As for my models, some are in dioramas, others displayed on shelves,s till others store in special drawer, or packed away in boxes. I have sold some and given some to friends.

 

When my GF and I got our place together I threw away, several boxes of models cars that had built in my younger days.

 

I have advanced into scratchbuilding. Years ago in my apartment dwelling days, I had the idea of building a one eighth scale. radio controlled model of the original "Enterprise" as she looked during the Battle Of Midway. Towards that end I had built and modified several dozen planes for populating the flight deck. I now had the room to build her, she would be close to 10' long, but the big 6 zero was rapidly approaching, and realistically it was never going to happen, so to cut my ties, left them in the dumpster also.

 

We have a large porch, the front half is hers for her furniture, but the back half 8 x 14 I claimed as mine. I have a whole bunch of slot car track I picked up cheap at Goodwill, and have been thinking of going that route. Or better yet my little boy dream of train, complete with mountains and tunnels. I already have some buildings I could swipe from my dioramas, and a couple of locomotives I could use.

 

Mystery, I have also picked up many DVD's at Goodwill, last week March of the Penquins $2, others, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Babe, Garfield, two movies, $4 for her a this week Grand Prix for me. Beats hell out of the prices you pay for them new.