2.50 a gallon Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 nh It has been a couple of days, update please
2sunny Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 She's trying to see if you'll still be her backup plan. Don't settle for that. Have you seen the counselor? I hope you'll keep going and find help and support in that process. Change your number gain! And tell everyone not to give it to her. She's just torturing you - but you're allowing it every time you answer her calls. 1
2.50 a gallon Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 nh 2sunny nailed it. Move on in life, have faith you will find someone new. Someone who will treat you so much better. Someone you can share your life with. You won't find her until you cut the strings
Author newhorizon Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 Good morning everyone, Last time I updated was when she was emailing me and called me Friday morning. I don't know what she wants from me but that really set me back emotionally. Saturday was a great day, I went out with my friends to the mud trails with some atv's, beer and there were lots and lots of ladies all over the place. It felt good when girls saw me riding alone they would just jump on my atv and get wild at one point this gorgeous latina rode with me up until we left, we swapped numbers, it was funny bc I thought I was going to scare her away with my storie but she just said "well that sucks, what a bitc**". We agreed to meet up later on the week for some beers. It was a real confidence booster! I told my friends that when ever they go riding again I'm going also! Jaja So yesterday I woke up feeling ok, but after having breakfast with my family, I felt so damn lonely and empty, there they were everyone with their significant other at the table everyone seemed happy, and me? I was just hurting inside feeling that my guts were inside out. I haven't told anyone about out situation, they think things are well only if they knew. That's how I felt all Sunday!!! I'm seriously thinking of staying away those types of situations untill I've told them what's going on, it really hurt me! Later I went to my sisters house to watch the games it was ok but I just wanted to go home and sleep! As soon as the ravens and pats game was over I went straight home and went to sleep! This morning I realized why a mess my room I kinda like it that way right now.
Author newhorizon Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 How do you all handle the urge to contact the ex?
2.50 a gallon Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 First off realize, that you calling, begging, pleading will do no good, and in fact will likely drive her further away from you, as it will make you look weak in her eyes and she will lose more respect for you. In my case, I knew that deep in my heart that I loved my Ex deeply. But at the same time, there was no way I could ever trust her again, and there was no way I would ever let her be the mother of my children. I kept reminding myself, that if I contacted her and listened to her crying and wanting to reconcile, the more likely I would eventually listen, as I was so lonely. And that the odds were would we get together, someday there would eventually be kids, as that was something I wanted. And that someday, down the road, 5, 10 years, she would likely do this again, and that in most cases women end up with custody of the kids, while I would end up having to fork over a good chunk of my paycheck until they turned adults. And how much it would kill me to not be able to see my kids everyday as they grew up. And the likely hood that some other guy would be able to watch them grow up, teaching them how to ride a bike, play ball, while I paid most of the bills. And that by paying her to raise my kids, would mean that I might not be able to afford to have kids should I ever marry again, and at the least, should I ever start a second family, that buy paying her child support, I would be short changing my kids in the second family
Author newhorizon Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 2.50 your absolutely right. It makes sence the way you explain it! No way after what she did will I want to raise a family with her. I'm always going to be worried or thinking what she will do next, I'm never going to be at peace with her or myself after all this! Today has been one of the toughest days for me I don't know why it's no different than any other day it's just part of the roller coaster? I just got home from work I'm going to take a nap for an hour then I have my first flag football game tonight, it's a co-Ed league so hopefully I'll get some distraction. This sh*t hurts but what really bothers me is the unknown future I'm trying to keep it strong but sometimes it's just overwhelming Thanks for the advice and for sharing the experiences
MsOptimist Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 This sh*t hurts but what really bothers me is the unknown future I'm trying to keep it strong but sometimes it's just overwhelming. I'm completely starting over too and the unknown future is scary. I keep reminding myself that the unknown changes don't have to be bad. It can be overwhelming, so I just try to get through a day or week at a time. I'm also trying to take opportunities as they come my way and just see where life takes me - I'm hoping that eventually it'll lead me to a better place. Try to stay positive!
2.50 a gallon Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 nh I am sorry to say, but the roller coaster ride takes some time to go away. Man, I could be up there flying with eagles and the next day right back down there with my face in the mud. My worst times seem to hit in the morning. Waking up in an empty bed and remembering why it is empty, and I would have to start talking to myself that this is all for the best and my better days are ahead. That today is the first day of the rest of my life. And to quote Gunny. Time to get busy living or get busy dieing
2.50 a gallon Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 It is amazing the healing effects of a pretty face smiling back at you can do for a guy in your position. Are you going to call this gal?
Author newhorizon Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 It is amazing the healing effects of a pretty face smiling back at you can do for a guy in your position. Are you going to call this gal? 2.50 I called her last night when I got home talked for bit and we are meeting up today, it's going to be my first date with a complete stranger since the ex left. I'll update tonight on how that went. This roller coaster is no joke, It brings me down when I'm at work and I can't focus or concentrate, I have to be taking breaks often just to walk that anxiety out. I have to do alot of talking to my self and remind myself that things are going to get better. I've made it this far, so just one day at a time until I hit that day where I look back and I don't remember when was the last day I felt down.
Author newhorizon Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 I'm completely starting over too and the unknown future is scary. I keep reminding myself that the unknown changes don't have to be bad. It can be overwhelming, so I just try to get through a day or week at a time. I'm also trying to take opportunities as they come my way and just see where life takes me - I'm hoping that eventually it'll lead me to a better place. Try to stay positive! MsO, I agree the unknown changes don't have to be bad, in fact this event kinda made me realize what I was missing out on, I've been doing things that I've wanted to do but never had the opportunity. Now only if I can get her out of my mind and heart everything would be much much better. The biggest challenge for me has been to quit putting my life on hold for her, if I was having a bad day I wouldn't do anything just stay in my room, now I drag my self out no matter how much pain I'm in. It hurts everyday but now i don't let it cripple me how it used to at first. It's not getting any easier but atleast I think it is some progress
Mystery2Me Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Hi NH, Congratulations on making great strides while dealing with grief. The courage you are showing I know comes at a high cost, and hope some peaceful days are just around the corner for you. Currently I'm having another extremely difficult time on the roller coaster, and it is taking all I have to resist just pulling the covers over my head. Last Friday I filed the divorce petition, and while divorce is not what I want....it is the only choice I have. Did you have a chance to find a counselor? Just asking because at least for me, when I am going thru the rough times therapy really helps. Enjoy a nice time out with your friend, and continue to take care of yourself! ~Mystery
Author newhorizon Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 Hello m2m Thank you, I'm sorry to hear what your going thru with filing the divorce, I don't even want to think about that yet until I'm a little more stable ad have a firmer grasp on my feelings. That's going to be a big hurtle but after thats been done you will be liberated, let me know how your d goes and what to look out for. Good luck mystery. I haven't gone to counseling bc up until this weekend I thought I had everything under control, but yea I will be going SOON. The roller coaster got rough! Thank you mystery
ataloss8270 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 MsO, I agree the unknown changes don't have to be bad, in fact this event kinda made me realize what I was missing out on, I've been doing things that I've wanted to do but never had the opportunity. Now only if:( I can get her out of my mind and heart everything would be much much better. The biggest challenge for me has been to quit putting my life on hold for her, if I was having a bad day I wouldn't do anything just stay in my room, now I drag my self out no matter how much pain I'm in. It hurts everyday but now i don't let it cripple me how it used to at first. It's not getting any easier but atleast I think it is some progress Getting out every opportunity you get is definitely the way to go. I am doing my best to do that right now. I had to drag myself out of a funk last night and forced myself to go out and do something. Its really hard for me right now because almost my entire social network went out the door with my STBXW, except 2 good friends. Guess you really find out who your friends are during hard times. Right now I'm trying to rebuild my life from scratch. And as for getting her out of my mind, that I know is going to take time.
Author newhorizon Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 Getting out every opportunity you get is definitely the way to go. I am doing my best to do that right now. I had to drag myself out of a funk last night and forced myself to go out and do something. Its really hard for me right now because almost my entire social network went out the door with my STBXW, except 2 good friends. Guess you really find out who your friends are during hard times. Right now I'm trying to rebuild my life from scratch. And as for getting her out of my mind, that I know is going to take time. my STBXW never cared about my friends she never even wanted to meet them. she would be jelous of my female friends though, she tried to keep me from talking to them she would throw a little tantrum when one of them texted me, even to wish me a happy birthday, so i kinda drifted from them. But it is true thats how you find out who your real friends are. As im typing this i realize even more how bad shes been to me.
NYWoman Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I can understand about her being jealous of your female friends. One of the common lines used by a cheating spouse, is "We're just friends"
Author newhorizon Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 2.50 It went great I made up my mind before the date to keep it all about her, so I did she went deep in to her life after a couple of beers I felt alot looser and we were just having fun conversations the only thing I don't like about her is that she is a cowboys fan. Other than that she's very fun great sence of humor.
2.50 a gallon Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 nh Great news. Having a little fun! You are a smart man, if you can get them to talk, let them talk, as they will see you as a guy who is interested in them as a person. Talk about yourself when you are asked. A lot of guys try to impress them by telling them their exploits, "I got a big bonus for being employee of the year, that helped offset my coming trip to Aspen, and I was able to soup up my bright red Shark mobile with chrome muffler bearings" As for being a Cowboy fan, they are one of my favorite teams to watch, as I am always rooting for the team they are playing. At least she is a football fan. My lady is a Bengal fan as she likes their uniforms. No Biggee
Manuel1 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Hi everyone, I just was reading all the comment, and decided to write my story. I am 26 guy just divorces with my lovely wife. The divorce was very long and heart breaking process, I din not understand for a while why she decided to leave me. I thought was everything all right, I was happy, however I did not see that she was not happy, something was missing and I did not saw that. We were together from age of 16, we both was very young and happy, we were classmates. After 4 years relationship we decided we want to become a family and even have a baby. So, we celebrate our wedding, after one year our family become bigger, we have a beautiful baby daughter. I though we are ideal family, however after my baby's first birthday something changes. When I thinking about everything now I can see what is wrong. However, I open my eyes I too late. I lost her, it was too late to say how I sorry am. I really want to make things differently but... After help from family support which I get from Your24hCoach, I am able to start everything new, and I hope I wont do the same mistakes. All we men should look more carefully what our ladies want, help them in all life situations. An the biggest my mistake was, that I did not saw how she is feeling. I hope in future I wont suffer all the divorce process again, as it is really heart breaking.
Author newhorizon Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 Today has been tough, although I do notice how I just let the pain flow, I no longer ask myself questions about why she did what she did or wonder if I would of done this or done that differently. I have to be aware every second to keep my mind from drifting to her. It sucks bc I don't want her back, I don't want to see her again but yet here I am still in love with the person she used to be. That person to me is dead all I have is memories. One memory in particular that is very special to me that puts a knot in my throat every time is when on vacation we went hiking to this mountain which had a huge huge boulder on the edge of the mountain, it has a tree in the middle. From there you have the view of the small town on one side and the mountains on the other. It was a magical view, on the way back it started raining hard so we started running back to the town we were all wet and running towards our hotel, we were running, laughing holding hands looking at each other the whole way. When we got to the hotel door we kissed outside still getting wet. That's one of the best memories I have, that day will be forever in my heart no matter what. I hope one day I can look back and be thankful for all this that is happening, to remember her just as a random person I once knew! I want to just feel indifferent, no love no hate absolutely nothing.
Mystery2Me Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Hi NH! It may be hard to see but you are doing great! This week was especially difficult for me, like you the unwanted memories are haunting me. I have accepted that my marriage is over, and all I want now is to have peace of mind. Thank goodness for therapy, because it helps me to recognize just how far I have come. Unfortunately it appears that sorting thru and dealing with the pain is necessary to the healing process. But the 2yr-old in me....just wishes I could take a break from hurting. My saving grace this evening is at least I'm wrapping up a work week in Vail Colorado, so gonna enjoy some wine outside by the fire. Hang in there, your new horizon within reach! ~Mystery
Author newhorizon Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 Hello mystery I've kept putting therapy aside bc sometimes I feel ok but days like today make me realize how weak and vulnerable I can get. So yea I'm getting help soon!! I've never been this unstable before, but its true we have to deal with the pain, all I can think of is like getting blisters in your hands from working, first it hurts like hell then they turn into callus,rough and tough! weird huh What have you resolved with your divorce?
Mystery2Me Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Well put about the blistering hard work. Last Friday I filed the divorce petition and STBXH waived being served; so now to wait the appropriate number of days for final court day. Again after 15 yrs married the choice to divorce was not mine, but he left April 2012 and has never looked back. For the sake of my sanity I can not/ will not chase him, but finding closure without explanation has been extremely difficult. Thankfully no children, so will never need to see him again. Gift yourself the priceless gift of therapy, because our feelings are just that feelings...and common sense/logic alone can not block the pain. ~Mystery
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