nes9 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I was broken up with on my bday, Jan. 2. I did some pining that day/night, talking to her on the phone asking the why's, how could you's, what was wrong's and got no good answers. At the end of the night after our last phone call I texted her and asked, "what was wrong with our relationship?" and she responded, "I'm out right now, I'll answer that tomorrow." She never did. And I never bothered asking because I figured she would give me a bunch of BS, since the real reason we aren't together is that she met up with her ex and is back seeing him in a LDR. Regardless, the last time we had contact was at the end of that night. It was surprisingly easy for me to go NC all the way up to yesterday. I figured it was a one day relapse type thing but it was even harder to remain NC today. I have still managed to hold strong but man, remaining NC suddenly got a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. The upside is that school starts back up this Monday so I will be busy again. The down side being that I will see her in class every day. I wish there was a way to fast forward 2-3 months from now when I will be over her and feeling normal again. I'm not really seeking any particular advice on a situation with this post. I suppose I'm just looking for support and trying to keep my mind busy yet again.
stevie_23 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I feel you. I know what you mean about wanting to just fast forward 2-3 months so you can be through this hardest time. I was thinking something like that the other night. Sort of wishing to project myself say, 3 months into the future, when I HOPE I’d be over my ex by then (though who knows if I will be. Surely I must be, right!? Surely!), and then I was wondering what exactly changes in that time that would make me be more over him by then. I wanted to try to pinpoint what would have to happen in those 3 months emotionally and mentally (what happens over time and distance) so I could somehow make those things happen NOW.
Author nes9 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 I feel you. I know what you mean about wanting to just fast forward 2-3 months so you can be through this hardest time. I was thinking something like that the other night. Sort of wishing to project myself say, 3 months into the future, when I HOPE I’d be over my ex by then (though who knows if I will be. Surely I must be, right!? Surely!), and then I was wondering what exactly changes in that time that would make me be more over him by then. I wanted to try to pinpoint what would have to happen in those 3 months emotionally and mentally (what happens over time and distance) so I could somehow make those things happen NOW. Unfortunately for me, I find that I never become 100% over my ex until I meet a new girl that I like more. After about 2-3 months I am usually functioning at a pretty close to normal level. And that time frame seems to shorten after each time I am broken up with, as I become better at handling my emotions and FORCING myself to get over it. But somehow, I have also managed to find these new girls within the 3 month time frame for the past few breakups I've had (does that make sense?). My luck is bound to run out at some point though I suppose. I am now 26 and completely consumed by classes in my medical profession, with 2.5 years of school left. This makes me pessimistic when thinking about just WHERE I will meet this next new girl, as the scenarios get harder and harder to picture after each breakup.
na49 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I'm dealing with my first breakup. I just started college and I feel like I will NEVER meet another girl who I love like I loved my ex. As for your situation. She's being really cold now. Like why can't she just tell you what went wrong? Why do you need to wait until tomorrow? She's just keeping you hanging on a string for nothing. Let me tell you, that NC gets harder before it gets easier. You're coming to terms with the fact that you'll never talk to this person again. It freaking sucks! You loved this person more than life itself and now you are going to be ignoring them and not contacting them? That is a lot to deal with. You need to stay strong though, honestly any more begging and pleading makes you look desperate. You are more desirable when you aren't up her ass asking her questions that she doesn't want to be bothered answering. She doesn't feel sorry for you and how heart broken you are. If she was, she wouldn't have broken your heart. Being in school should do you some good. I actually can't wait to go back to school myself. I have way too much time on my hands and spend too much of it thinking about her when I know she's not thinking about me. Stay strong. Keep posting here. Try to stay busy. Try to stay positive. It's all we can do now. They're gone and they aren't coming back. 1
Author nes9 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 (edited) I'm dealing with my first breakup. I just started college and I feel like I will NEVER meet another girl who I love like I loved my ex. As for your situation. She's being really cold now. Like why can't she just tell you what went wrong? Why do you need to wait until tomorrow? She's just keeping you hanging on a string for nothing. Let me tell you, that NC gets harder before it gets easier. You're coming to terms with the fact that you'll never talk to this person again. It freaking sucks! You loved this person more than life itself and now you are going to be ignoring them and not contacting them? That is a lot to deal with. You need to stay strong though, honestly any more begging and pleading makes you look desperate. You are more desirable when you aren't up her ass asking her questions that she doesn't want to be bothered answering. She doesn't feel sorry for you and how heart broken you are. If she was, she wouldn't have broken your heart. Being in school should do you some good. I actually can't wait to go back to school myself. I have way too much time on my hands and spend too much of it thinking about her when I know she's not thinking about me. Stay strong. Keep posting here. Try to stay busy. Try to stay positive. It's all we can do now. They're gone and they aren't coming back. You JUST started college? Got a little advice for you, you will most DEFINITELY be meeting a girl you love as much/more than your ex. In fact you will most likely meet multiple. Don't grieve too long in college man, that is where you can get TONS of dating experience in if you're happy and social. Breakups get worse as you get older, and you see your friends and other people in serious relationships, getting married or having kids. Even I need to be looking at my scenario more optimistically because there are plenty of 26 year olds that are in much less social environments than a medical campus. I guess I just envy the college days when I could blindfold myself, walk down the hallway and bump into my next crush. P.S. I'm not trying to downplay your breakup, they suck no matter when they occur in life. But if there was one time I could pick when I go through a breakup it would definitely be freshman year of college haha. You will be happy and meeting girls again so quickly it'll make your head spin if you put in a little effort. Edited January 10, 2013 by nes9 1
na49 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 You JUST started college? Got a little advice for you, you will most DEFINITELY be meeting a girl you love as much/more than your ex. In fact you will most likely meet multiple. Don't grieve too long in college man, that is where you can get TONS of dating experience in if you're happy and social. Breakups get worse as you get older, and you see your friends and other people in serious relationships, getting married or having kids. Even I need to be looking at my scenario more optimistically because there are plenty of 26 year olds that are in much less social environments than a medical campus. I guess I just envy the college days when I could blindfold myself, walk down the hallway and bump into my next crush. My problem is that I'm not that social. I know I need to change that, I just lack self confidence. It's hard to see myself loving someone else when she was my first love. I've never loved someone that way before. I was so into her and everything. lol don't worry about it. I know you aren't downplaying my situation. I really shouldn't be as down, but like I said my lack of confidence is keeping me from thinking that I will find another great one.
Just smile Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 You WILL love again ..believe me. Your young. You will love so strong and intense that you will laugh at this someday. For me I'm much older than you. And felt this man was the love of my life and at 44 years old, will I really feel this again?? I dunno. I'm told yea. But I can certainly understand the gloom and doom feeling you have. But rest assured you will love again and again. Chin up..
Author nes9 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 My problem is that I'm not that social. I know I need to change that, I just lack self confidence. It's hard to see myself loving someone else when she was my first love. I've never loved someone that way before. I was so into her and everything. lol don't worry about it. I know you aren't downplaying my situation. I really shouldn't be as down, but like I said my lack of confidence is keeping me from thinking that I will find another great one. One thing that helped me gain confidence in college was working out. I started when I entered college (I was a VERY skinny dude) and never stopped. If you work hard you can put on muscle fast and you will be surprised at what it does to your self confidence. I have no idea what your build is like but I would definitely recommend working out to get yourself in peak shape (if you are not already). It's easier said than done, but FORCE yourself to go make new friends and meet people. Since you are just starting college, you have a chance to leave your shyness in your past and start a new you. You'll be surprised how many people will open up to you and take you in as a friend/boyfriend. Enjoy it while it lasts, its a fast four years.
Sunshine87 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Why on earth would anyone break up with her boyfriend on his birthday?! Wow.
LostOne1 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Why on earth would anyone break up with her boyfriend on his birthday?! Wow. exactly.... but then again I don't know if it makes a difference. It will hurt the same wether she breaks up on his bday or a month later. The pain for him is going to be the same. The bday just might make the BU a longer memory but that's it... I guess what I see as a trend lately is people easily giving up on relationships, because someone else comes into the picture and people think it's a better option. I don't know where those days went when people really committed and worked out anything that came in their way.
stevie_23 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Unfortunately for me, I find that I never become 100% over my ex until I meet a new girl that I like more. After about 2-3 months I am usually functioning at a pretty close to normal level. And that time frame seems to shorten after each time I am broken up with, as I become better at handling my emotions and FORCING myself to get over it. But somehow, I have also managed to find these new girls within the 3 month time frame for the past few breakups I've had (does that make sense?). My luck is bound to run out at some point though I suppose. I am now 26 and completely consumed by classes in my medical profession, with 2.5 years of school left. This makes me pessimistic when thinking about just WHERE I will meet this next new girl, as the scenarios get harder and harder to picture after each breakup. I agree with this. When my first ever partner broke up with me back when I was 21, I was miserable and devastated for a week, then numb and lonely for 2 months, until I met someone online who I clicked with. Had NO interest in getting together (we lived in different states anyway), but didn't feel quite as lonely. 3 months later I was "back in the saddle" again in terms of feeling ok about myself and my life. And then I began to develop strong feelings for this online person (who I am still with, 11.5 years later, and been living with for almost 9 years). It was at that point of the developing new feelings that I asked myself (once again) if my ex wanted me back, what would I do? And for the first time since the break up, I said I wouldn't go back - I would explore my feelings for the new person. So yep. I find the only true, 100% "cure" for a broken heart and ended relationship is developing feelings for someone new. This is in my own specific case anyway.
stevie_23 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 For me I'm much older than you. And felt this man was the love of my life and at 44 years old, will I really feel this again?? I dunno. Yes, you WILL love again, I guarantee!! 44 is SO not old, and get this - my partner's mother is 75 and just got married again last October to her new husband who is 73. Love knows no age!
stevie_23 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Why on earth would anyone break up with her boyfriend on his birthday?! Wow. My first ex broke up with me 3 days before Valentine's Day. My most recent ex broke up with me 2 weeks before Christmas and his birthday. Ouch on both occasions. Sometimes "high pressure" situations of birthdays, Christmas Valentine's Day, holidays, they show the dumper how they really feel about things and maybe even "fast track" the end.
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