AniD5061 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Hi, I need some advice. I've been dating a guy for about 2 months now and recently he told me about one of his deal breakers. It was something I'm not even sure I'm allowed to post in here. But it was something along the lines of wanting to *something* in my mouth and I have to swallow. I'm not opposed to the whole thing, but just the last part. We are both in our 30's and have thus far been starting off on a very mature and healthy relationship. Now this throws a kink in it because I feel like that if that's his deal breaker and I really don't like that then is it time to end it? I mean I have a deal breaker that I became a little relaxed on with him specifically because I feel as I get older certain things don't matter as much. I feel that this one tiny little sexual thing is similar to that. Is this really going to matter years down the line if emotionally and everything else between us is great? My girlfriends told me to get rid of him because that is an ******* thing to say. What do I do now?
SpiralOut Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I think your girlfriends have the right idea...
Treasa Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Well, he can have that as a dealbreaker, and you can certainly walk away from the deal. I guess you have to decide what's more important - keeping him, or doing what you feel to be best for you. Don't try and change him, whatever you do. There really isn't a point in that. If you call it, you'll see if he's bluffing or not.
MrNate 2.0 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Hi, I need some advice. I've been dating a guy for about 2 months now and recently he told me about one of his deal breakers. It was something I'm not even sure I'm allowed to post in here. But it was something along the lines of wanting to *something* in my mouth and I have to swallow. I'm not opposed to the whole thing, but just the last part. We are both in our 30's and have thus far been starting off on a very mature and healthy relationship. Now this throws a kink in it because I feel like that if that's his deal breaker and I really don't like that then is it time to end it? I mean I have a deal breaker that I became a little relaxed on with him specifically because I feel as I get older certain things don't matter as much. I feel that this one tiny little sexual thing is similar to that. Is this really going to matter years down the line if emotionally and everything else between us is great? My girlfriends told me to get rid of him because that is an ******* thing to say. What do I do now? So..basicallly he wants to release his semen into one of your orifices. Well, I mean, you don't have to do it. You can just try to compromise, and tell him that makes you uncomfortable. If he hates it, then just walk. So he can find someone who will slurp da semen, and you can find someone who respects your wishes. Never sacrifice who you are for the sake of pleasing someone else. 3
henderson14 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 (edited) Its a deal breaker, but he shouldn't' have told you that directly. If you like him you'll do it like every other girl does and it won't be a big deal. Oral sex is usually about the other person. The one girl I dated who said she didn't do it for most guys was a pain in the a$$ most of the time in every way possible. And regarding your girlfriends advice. What they say you should do and what they would actually do themselves are two different things. They aren't the ones who will be single or miss out on a potential relationship. They aren't in your shoes. I think it's natural to take your side, and no one is going to side with him when he put it to you that way. But I bet a lot of guys would wonder what is wrong with a girl who didn't swallow. Edited January 10, 2013 by henderson14
Treasa Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Its a deal breaker, but he shouldn't' have told you that directly. If you like him you'll do it like every other girl does and it won't be a big deal. Oral sex is usually about the other person. The one girl I dated who said she didn't do it for most guys was a pain in the a$$ most of the time in every way possible. And regarding your girlfriends advice. What they say you should do and what they would actually do themselves are two different things. I think it's natural to take your side, and no one is going to side with him when he put it to you that way. But I bet a lot of guys would wonder what is wrong with a girl who didn't swallow. I discuss sex with people, male and female, quite frequently. Not all girls do it. Not even most. And it's not a deal-breaker for every guy. OP, don't do anything you aren't comfortable doing. 3
henderson14 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Also, I actually told the girl I was seeing if she was going to do something she should do it right or not bother if she wasn't going to swallow because the end is the best part. So she did.
henderson14 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I discuss sex with people, male and female, quite frequently. Not all girls do it. Not even most. And it's not a deal-breaker for every guy. OP, don't do anything you aren't comfortable doing. Well every girl i've dated has done it. And a lot of women AND men do do things they aren't comfortable doing because its for the other person. The bottom line is its not harmful in any way, so if you liked the guy your would do it for him. I'm not comfortable going to work everyday, but I do it anyways. Do what you want. If it was meant to be it will work out.
veggirl Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I took it to mean he wants to pee or poo in her mouth. why would jizzing in her mouth be scandelous enough to start a post? if its pee/poo, I'd move onnnnnnnnnn!!! if its jizz, what's the problem? 4
TheZebra Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I took it to mean he wants to pee or poo in her mouth. why would jizzing in her mouth be scandelous enough to start a post? if its pee/poo, I'd move onnnnnnnnnn!!! if its jizz, what's the problem? Well, you and I don't have a problem with it, but everyone's different in regards to sex *shrug* I know people who refuse to do far less 'scandalous' things.
Treasa Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Well every girl i've dated has done it. And a lot of women AND men do do things they aren't comfortable doing because its for the other person. The bottom line is its not harmful in any way, so if you liked the guy your would do it for him. I'm not comfortable going to work everyday, but I do it anyways. Do what you want. If it was meant to be it will work out. Going to work is something you also have a choice in doing. You don't HAVE to go to work. But you choose to do so because you want to be able to pay your rent, buy food, etc. I have no problems doing what it is that we're discussing. However, I won't do it with some guys, especially if they have poor hygiene. And I'd never say, "Oh, it's just semen, it's no big deal." That's like telling a vegetarian, "Oh, it's just a cow. It's no big deal." So I stand by my original point. The OP needs to decide what's best for her. And only she should decide. If she wants to do it because it's not a big deal compared to possibly losing her boyfriend, cool. If she'd rather lose him than do something she doesn't want to do, that's cool too. Nothing wrong with people choosing what's best for them. 1
El Brujo Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 You humans crack me up. Those things at the back of her throat are her tonsils, not an extra pair of ovaries. 7
veggirl Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I have no problems doing what it is that we're discussing. However, I won't do it with some guys, especially if they have poor hygiene. And I'd never say, "Oh, it's just semen, it's no big deal." That's like telling a vegetarian, "Oh, it's just a cow. It's no big deal." This is all true, good point I can't imagine a 30something man telling a woman that if he can't come in her mouth, that's a dealbreaker. I'd dump him. I get that guys like doing that but a dealbreaker if they can't? I'd tell him to get a life. 2
Keenly Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 So... He's an ******* because he told you something that he enjoys? What is the problem here exactly? If you don't want to do that then don't. I think the real deal breaker here is that you would be 100% opposed to at least attempting something that he really likes.
veggirl Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 So... He's an ******* because he told you something that he enjoys? What is the problem here exactly? If you don't want to do that then don't. I think the real deal breaker here is that you would be 100% opposed to at least attempting something that he really likes. He didn't just tell her he enjoys it. He told her its a dealbreaker if she won't do it. and if she's not comfortable with it, I don't think a 2 month old relationship where she's being pressured about it is the time to try it for the first time! 1
henderson14 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 (edited) I think they're both in the wrong. He shouldn't have said it was a deal breaker, and she should not be so sexually stuck up an difficult. Looks like a bad match. If he was that into you, then that wouldn't be a deal breaker and you wouldn't let it be a deal breaker. I can see why both of you are in your 30's and single. Just move on. I figured that in your 30's you'd be more worried about being able to start a family and past highschoolish problems like this (assuming were not talking peeing in your mouth or something). Edited January 10, 2013 by henderson14
phineas Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Hell, i'd be happy to find a woman that can just get me to the point where I actually have to worry about where it's going. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 So... it's a deal-breaker for him if you won't swallow, but you don't swallow? Is that the situation? I see no need to judge either him or you for this - if he's not willing to negotiate on it and you're not, then go your separate ways. People are allowed whatever deal-breakers they want, and I don't think it's anyone's business to judge, really. It's good you're talking about it now, before you get too far along. 1
TheZebra Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Hell, i'd be happy to find a woman that can just get me to the point where I actually have to worry about where it's going. Obviously you mean the relationship, right? 3
kaylan Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 (edited) Dont do it if you dont want to OP. I do know that I want to be with a girl who enjoys giving me oral as much as I enjoy giving her oral. And its sexy and comforting to be with a girl who isnt squeamish about my body fluids...especially because I wont be squeamish about hers. Sure Id prefer a girl swallow, but she doesnt have to. However, it does enhance the oral considering she doesnt have to remove her mouth, and doesnt have to break rhythm if she swallows. All this being said, I havent had an orgasm with every girl whos gone down on me...however, the few women I could orgasm with from oral have swallowed and I very much appreciated how we were on the same page. And of course I took great care of them and reciprocated wonderfully. Personally I never understood why some chicks have a hang up regarding semen. In my experience, as well as other guys I know, the women with this hang up generally have other sexual hang ups and/or arent that on the same page sexually with many people they date. I mean, guys are tasting and swallowing a bunch of fluid while they go down on a chick. At least I know I am. If a guys penis and precum is already in a girls mouth...whats the issue with finishing the job? Edited January 10, 2013 by kaylan 1
CarrieT Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Gee, I've never not swallowed and didn't know there were those that wouldn't! 1
Mrlonelyone Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 To the OP as a compromise you could give him deep throat. With him in your throat and well past your taste buds he could go, and you swallow without tasting anything. If that length isn't possible then I don't know. You could tell him your just not willing to do that. (Or demand that he do something for you in exchange for this.)
Mrlonelyone Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Gee, I've never not swallowed and didn't know there were those that wouldn't! Yeah. Personally I could see if it was urine or feces. But eh...when one goes down on a woman the female equivalent fluids are what gets in the mouth. Sauce for the goose sauce for the gander. People have all kinds of sexual desires and hangups. There all good.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I agree with you, kaylan. My last boyfriend is the only guy I've ever been with who was finicky about oral sex and fluids (he even avoided coming in my mouth and only did it a few times - that's how touchy he was about it), and it was quite a buzzkill. I really tried to understand, but I am just so not like that. He was also finicky and uptight about pretty much EVERYTHING, and I had a hard time relating to that. I felt we were very different in that regard, and were trying to adapt to each other, but were just worlds away on that point. Neither of us was wrong. We were just different. 1
veggirl Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Gee, I've never not swallowed and didn't know there were those that wouldn't! Agreed, til I read a few threads on here and found out some women are squeamish about it. To each their own, but it just seems much easier to swallow! Nothing to clean up! 3
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