Driver Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Some background information… My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half, and we lived together for much of that time. My lease was going to be up and he didn't feel financially stable enough to keep paying rent, as we are both 23 and just getting out of college, so we decided to move back in with our respective parents for a while. I guess it was more of his decision than mine. We've been living at home apart from each other for a few months now. It has been a really hard adjustment for me, because I really enjoyed having him around all the time. Before we moved apart, we literally spent almost every second of the day together. Lately, I feel like I am always waiting around on him. Since he moved back home, he is constantly doing stuff with his family. Either it's going bowling with his brother, taking his little sister to a movie, or doing other family stuff. That's fine, but the problem is I seem to be an afterthought. It's like he plans his day according to what his family is doing and then comes and sees me after if he can. It's just hard for me because I feel like before, when we lived together, I was a major priority, and now I take a backseat to his family. I feel like I am waiting around for him almost every day until he is ready. It's hard for me to bring this up to him because I don't want to seem controlling or jealous of his family. I am really just hurt. And sometimes I wish it would go back to the way it was, when it was assumed we would be together unless one of us had plans with family or friends. Any advice or different perspectives or input would be appreciated. I don't want to be selfish, but these hurt feelings are building up.
Treasa Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 How often are you actually seeing him/talking to him?
Author Driver Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 We text small talk throughout the day when we don't see each other. Never any phone conversations. So really, not much actual connection and conversation goes on at all when we don't see each other. I do see him maybe five times a week… But now a lot of that time is around other people like his family. Like last week, Dinner and drinks with him and his family on Monday and then slept over there, nothing Tuesday, he came over and we spent the day/night together on Wednesday, breakfast Thursday, dinner Friday, nothing Saturday or Sunday. It all just doesn't compare to the mornings waking up next to him, going to class and doing our own thing during the day, but then having him there at nighttime, making dinner and watching TV and going to the gym And doing errands together.
FitChick Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 So you both should start looking for jobs. 2
Treasa Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 You see each other more than some married couples I know. You're both pretty young. I can understand that the change is hard, but you still see him pretty frequently, and this might be the last time he's really able to spend a lot of time with his family. Let the guy live his life. It's not like he's going out partying every night.
veggirl Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Well you guys got too serious too fast and he is now enjoying the pace a relationship should take. You still see him a lot, the week you just posted should be plenty. don't harp on him about this, he is enjoying spending time with his family and having his own life. At 23, he needs that. I will say though if he committs to a certain time to meet up with you, you have every right to bring up him not being on time, and you should bring that up. 1
Treasa Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I will say though if he committs to a certain time to meet up with you, you have every right to bring up him not being on time, and you should bring that up. Oh! Yes, I knew there was something I was forgetting. Veggirl is right. If he commits something to you, he should honor it. And he should be making plans with you, not just showing up or telling you to come over when it's convenient for him. Your time is valuable, too. I'm sure a balance can be struck. At least, I hope so.
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