SuperSad09 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I am a 29 year old female. I broke off the engagement. I didn't want to end the relationship, just work on some things (when he would get mad he would take the ring back - this happened at least a dozen times) so the last time, I told him if it happened again, I wouldn't put it back on till we worked on things. He always was accusing me of cheating (I was not). Things I did wrong: He lost his job after us being together for 2 months. I didn't allow him to live with me (we had only even known one another for 3 months!) but in the 2 years we were together he didn't even really try to get a job or find work. This definitely got to be an issue for me. I wanted us to move out together, etc. The only other issue was that when ever I was not with him, he thought I was cheating or lying to him. Besides all that, he was an awesome adoring fiance. I am having a LOT Of trouble moving on. We broke it off officially 9 months ago, but hae stayed in contact. The last two months it has been me calling/texting him. He says he wants to be friends with the "stipulation of getting back together" but when we make plans, he stands me up. This has happened a ton. Also, if we are "friends" why doesn't he ever call me? I think I am having such a hard time because nothing "terrible" ever happened no cheating (though I did catch him at a bar when we were "working on things" getting another girls number) and when we were together besides the always thinking I was cheating and the no job thing, he was awesome. Made me feel like the only girl in the world, told me he loved me, etc Anyway, any tips on how to get over this? I am really struggling He keeps saying "go with the flow" but I don't ever hear from him unless I reach out to him. I am SOOOO sad. UGH!
Author SuperSad09 Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 Also, I am trying to stay busy, but I find I am so worried he is going to find someone and fall in love! When he met me, he was still talking to his last GF and I was worried I would be a rebound - I don't believe that I was, but I am scared he will just move on again, just like that! Will I ever get over this? I have had two other very serious relationships, and the break ups were hard but this is unbearable
Mcnulty Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Red flags: petulant and immature, taking the ring off you, like he was scolding and punishing you.Insecure, thinking you were cheating...they're normally the one's cheating or got their eye on someone when they spout this nonsense. Lazy, he still hasn't got a job. Breadcrumbs, keeping you hanging on...you're a back up plan for him....run for the hills girl, run. 4
Author SuperSad09 Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 Thank you so much! I am going to take a picture of this and keep it where I can see it everyday! I think I am seeing him through rose colored glasses. It feels so good to have someone kind of confirm some of the things I went back and fourth on wondering if it was THAT bad. Thank you for taking the time to reply. It really has helped me. 2
Author SuperSad09 Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 I was just re-reading and I apologize for so many typos! I am at work trying to write this stealthily!
Mcnulty Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 You're more than welcome miss. Oh, also, re. you said that he was still talking to his ex, when he met you. Do you see his pattern? He's trying to stay friends with you...do you want to be the ex that he keeps hanging onto, if and when he finds the next poor girl? No is your answer I hope, so now is the time to cut and run. I wish you well.
Sunshine87 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I'm really sorry that you are hurting! But he does sound rather immature, taking back the ring after fights etc. Plus, one of the worst things you can do is marry a lazy man who has no zeal to be gainfully employed. You will eventually get burned out! Love is hardly enough to sustain a happy, healthy and well balanced marraige. You need to be compatible in many other ways. It's been 9months and you are hurting because you haven't cut him off. I can imagine how difficult it must be for you. But in order not to prolong your pain, you need to cut all contact. Give him the gift of missing you. If he is the one he will be back (although I wouldn't advice you to marry him unless he made some major changes). Otherwise, cutting all contact will help you move on. You can't avoid it. You need to let it go for now. There is ample advice on NC on loveshack. Please read the relevant threads. I'm so sorry you are hurting. It WILL get better if you implement the required actions. Hugs.
Author SuperSad09 Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 I'm really sorry that you are hurting! But he does sound rather immature, taking back the ring after fights etc. Plus, one of the worst things you can do is marry a lazy man who has no zeal to be gainfully employed. You will eventually get burned out! Love is hardly enough to sustain a happy, healthy and well balanced marraige. You need to be compatible in many other ways. It's been 9months and you are hurting because you haven't cut him off. I can imagine how difficult it must be for you. But in order not to prolong your pain, you need to cut all contact. Give him the gift of missing you. If he is the one he will be back (although I wouldn't advice you to marry him unless he made some major changes). Otherwise, cutting all contact will help you move on. You can't avoid it. You need to let it go for now. There is ample advice on NC on loveshack. Please read the relevant threads. I'm so sorry you are hurting. It WILL get better if you implement the required actions. Hugs. thank you and I know you are right that I need to cut it off. It's just so hard. I shouldn't care what he thinks/feels but it's like he is completely indifferent! I don't think he feels anything. This will soud unhealthy (and it probably is) but it's so weird to have him go from so hyper jealous and scared of me leaving and/or cheating to HIM not caring. Next time around (If I ever get through this) there is no way I am dating anyone who is not comfortable in a relationship with me. I don't think he was cheating, but I now think the reason he was always so scared I was, was probably because deep down he wan't and isn't capable of being in a real, healthy, happy relationship. thanks for the advice and for reading and for letting me vent!!!
Author SuperSad09 Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 It really does help to read these. In just the few days I have been on here, it has helped me to NOT re-read his texts. I come on here instead! Thank you all <3 2
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