Drseussgrrl Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 There have been a few things pop up with the dude I'm seeing that are making me a little uncomfortable but I'm wondering if I'm just not hyper-sensitive. For example - I work in his neighborhood. He has suggested more than once that we get together after work in his 'hood. The problem is I have a 4-year-old golden retriever I need to get home to at the end of the day. Yesterday he said that he was a bit tired but "maybe tomorrow" he would come to my neighborhood. I got a text today suggesting we grab pizza after work in HIS neighborhood. *sigh* I didn't cave - just said that I had some errands to run after work but he was welcome to still come by. He sort of hemmed and hawed, saying that I was already up here, rush hour traffic, etc. But then said I was worth it and that he'd come. I just kind of feel like I pressured him and I'm not looking forward to the date, really. Keep in mind on our second date was in his 'hood also and I stayed out til about 2:30 am on a work night hanging out with him. So it's not like my way or the highway. Another flag is that he has invited me to go to Cancun in a few weeks since he'll be down there for a conference. Don't get me wrong I know it's early but damn what I wouldn't do for some beach and sun in February. That's kind of how I'm looking at it...? Anyway I texted him that I was thinking about it with a wink and I haven't gotten a response. I guess I just get this nagging feeling that he doesn't necessarily follow through on things he suggests and it's been weighing on my mind. Plus the whole suggesting a Cancun trip after a few dates (granted he's already going anyway)? Are these things concerning or should I just go with it?
Author Drseussgrrl Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 Ok I just read this again. Jesus. I think I just answered my own question.
sid3 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Ok I just read this again. Jesus. I think I just answered my own question. And what was the answer?
TheZebra Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I guess I just get this nagging feeling that he doesn't necessarily follow through on things he suggests and it's been weighing on my mind. Is that really what you were thinking? Reading the thread it just sounded like he liked doing things when they were convenient for him. I'll add that with him inviting you to stay where he lives, and then on a trip which will certainly not have two beds separated by bible study, it seems like he wants to get you in a position for sex? I could be totally wrong, but that's what came to mind as I read it.
Treasa Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I'm sure your answer is the same as mine, but I'd never let a guy pressure me into ignoring my dog. I guess I should say that I wouldn't date a guy who didn't like animals and didn't immediately understand.
lovehurtz23 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 go if he doesnt keep his word then make sure u have fun by yourself and stay safe , just go with life with worries or what ifs
april38 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Yes, ALWAYS trust your gut. It's the only truly sane part of your being IMO. Your heart may mislead you through emotion, your head may mislead you though overly relying on logic, but your gut always knows. All animals have instincts, but humans are the only animal who chooses to ignore their instincts through rationalization. When a dear hears an alarming noise in the woods, he doesn't stop and say, hmmm, maybe I'm being irrational, let me go check this out and see if it's really worth running from. No, the dear just knows through instinct to run, so he does. Now I'm not saying that we should do this in every instance, we have an intellect that we should utilize, but we shouldn't solely rely on intellect....if your gut is telling you to run - then RUN! :-) 1
Nightsky Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 hmmm something about your gut, I just don't trust it. But yes trust your own gut, unless your reading the wrong gut. To me it sounds like your gut is telling you too...... hmm I have no idea.
TaraMaiden Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 hmmm something about your gut, I just don't trust it. But yes trust your own gut, unless your reading the wrong gut. To me it sounds like your gut is telling you too...... hmm I have no idea. Wow, that has so much insight, really.... I'm impressed........ Originally Posted by Drseussgrrl Ok I just read this again. Jesus. I think I just answered my own question. Quite. I'm with you on that one. Go, in February. To somewhere hot, on a beach. like you said. Cancun..... Woo-hoo.
mesmerized Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I don't think he's very serious about you. Asking you to go to cancun doesn't mean too good either. If he's going to cancun, might as well take a beautiful woman with him and enjoy the sex.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I don't see him as being unreasonable in asking you to meet in his 'hood after work, given that you work there. I understand you have a dog, but I don't think it occurs to most non-dog owners that they need a lot of attention, almost like a kid, until they get a feel for that. I just kind of feel like I pressured him and I'm not looking forward to the date, really. If you ask someone for a modified plan and they agree, I don't see that as pressure. I think you're being too sensitive about this. You asked for what you wanted, and he said yes. What's there to feel bad about here? Another flag is that he has invited me to go to Cancun in a few weeks since he'll be down there for a conference. Invites and offers like that too early make me uneasy, too. I don't feel such a thing makes sense until you're exclusive and a little more serious. If he offers early, it feels like an over-eager lure or something to me. I want to get to know the guy, not be indulged in international trips and gifts or whatever. I would most likely decline that, thank him for the offer, and say I'd be more comfortable with it at a later time. I'd go on some more dates. I don't see anything too concerning here. Good luck! 1
newmoon Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 you have no idea how many dates i've not been able to go on because i have to rush home after work to my dogs. and a guy who cannot understand that you need to come home first or stay in your hood for a date probably never will; guys that like don't take responsibility seriously. and dog walker = not the answer, pets require a ton of work and attention. find a guy who understands your situation better and unless you're ready for sex, pass on cancun
AMusing Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I'm sure your answer is the same as mine, but I'd never let a guy pressure me into ignoring my dog. I guess I should say that I wouldn't date a guy who didn't like animals and didn't immediately understand. I like your style Treasa! I don't think I've run across a single thread of yours I disagree with. I'm actually dating a guy right now who is neutral about dogs, but he has NEVER given me grief when I have to push a date to later in the evening, end a date a little early, or even drop by my house in the middle of a long date, so that I can take care of my pups. They are my dudes, and they'll be in my life as long as they live. A guy who can work around that obligation with grace earns major bonus points with me. OP, it sounds like your date just doesn't understand that you HAVE to be home at a certain time to take care of your pup. Have you tried explaining it to him again? 1
Imajerk17 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 (edited) I feel the need to comment on this topic in a general sense. I am noticing, especially from the threads on here, that women in general really tend to read into things, and find issues to worry about. That is, except for when they meet someone they feel "chemistry" with. And then they ignore all these glaring red flags because they "just know" he is the one for them. I think this is what you all mean by your "gut feeling". It probably works really well in some situations. But without some thinking things through it also seems to cause people to make some horrible decisions (e.g., writing off the right guy or getting too involved with the wrong guy), especially from reading the recent threads on here. OP, from what you mentioned of this guy, he sounds pretty into you but perhaps not that savvy about dating. And perhaps not the best at following through with plans. I think he asked you to with him to Cancun because he could be seeing you as his girlfriend. Not sure what else there is to read into things. If you aren't seeing yourself wanting a relationship with him or you feel it's just too soon, don't go with him to Cancun. And maybe you will have to explain your dog situation to him and that you want someone who is willing to go where you live as well as vice versa. Edited January 10, 2013 by Imajerk17
Treasa Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I like your style Treasa! I don't think I've run across a single thread of yours I disagree with. I'm actually dating a guy right now who is neutral about dogs, but he has NEVER given me grief when I have to push a date to later in the evening, end a date a little early, or even drop by my house in the middle of a long date, so that I can take care of my pups. They are my dudes, and they'll be in my life as long as they live. A guy who can work around that obligation with grace earns major bonus points with me. OP, it sounds like your date just doesn't understand that you HAVE to be home at a certain time to take care of your pup. Have you tried explaining it to him again? I feel the same way about your posts! Including this one. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I am noticing, especially from the threads on here, that women in general really tend to read into things, and find issues to worry about. Women are generally much more selective, for so many reasons, which basically boil down to our reproductive differences. Careful screening up front is extremely important, especially for women looking for real love. If you ignore warning signs up front, they pretty much always bite you in the ass later. Now, once a dude passes a woman's early screening, he usually gets a lot of leeway and forgiveness. But it takes time to get to that point, and passing many tests (many of which the guy may never even know about).
Imajerk17 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 (edited) Women are generally much more selective, for so many reasons, which basically boil down to our reproductive differences. Careful screening up front is extremely important, especially for women looking for real love. If you ignore warning signs up front, they pretty much always bite you in the ass later. Now, once a dude passes a woman's early screening, he usually gets a lot of leeway and forgiveness. But it takes time to get to that point, and passing many tests (many of which the guy may never even know about). Indeed. There are a lot of women (and men but I think women more than men) on this forum whose screening processes, whose *ahem*, going by their "gut feelings", clearly haven't worked for them. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many threads from all these women who are obsessing over someone who is clearly no good for them, to put it euphemistically. These women might have been selective, but they were selective in the wrong ways. I could give a few examples from yesterday and today even. More mature women have much better screening processes (and also have more to offer back). I'll wager that they either are able to think on their gut feelings through effectively, or perhaps they actually recalibrated their instincts to better serve them. Which is why they get involved with better and better guys. Edited January 10, 2013 by Imajerk17
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