AJP Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I'm 29 years old (nearly 30) and I'm totally inexperienced. Now I'm trying to get back into the dating world, and I have no clue what I'm doing. It's pitiful. -Issue 1: I'm a virgin. I've never even seen a penis in real life, let alone touched one. -Issue 2: I haven't kissed anyone since I was.... 17. -Issue 3: I haven't had a relationship since I was 17. -Issue 4: I have no bloody clue what I'm doing in regards to dating. Physically there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. It's not like I'm some ogre that no one ever hit on or asked on a date. I just never really let myself be in a position were people could/would hit on me or ask me on a date. And if they did, I declined. I wouldn't say I'm super model attractive (who is?) but average. I spent 8 years in university, so it was easy for me to come up with excuses not to date. "Have to study", "too busy", "too focused on school". But I've been out of university for 2 years, and those 2 years have been hell for dating. I've gone on about 14 dates over the last 2 years (11 different people). And as you probably noticed, there was only 3 second dates. I'm extremely awkward on dates. I have no clue what to do. Everything moves so quickly so you are pretty much expected to hook up on the 1st, 2nd or 3rd date. Should I just hook up with some random person to get over this hump?
veggirl Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Are you going on dates with strangers? Do you hang out with friends etc? If you are able to be social with friends, why so awkward on dates? I'm assuming you OLD, so in that case I suggest meeting people the old fashioned way, in real life, rather than online. join groups and stuff (meetups) so you can get to know people more naturally rather than the awkward date where you have never even seen one another in person before. 1
Author AJP Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 I've actually never used OLD. The people that I go on dates with are either friends of friends or people that work in the same building as me (hospital).
somedude81 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 How come you haven't tried dating until just recently? It sounds like you haven't been open up to it until you were 27.
Author AJP Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 How come you haven't tried dating until just recently? It sounds like you haven't been open up to it until you were 27. Part of the reason was I really didn't have time. I had 30 hours a week of classes, and 60 hours a week of studying on top of that. But also because I was pretty self conscious and nervous because I didn't know what I was doing.
lovehurtz23 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 save yourself , you shouldnt give in that easily , you want ur 1st time to be with someone u love 1
somedude81 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Part of the reason was I really didn't have time. I had 30 hours a week of classes, and 60 hours a week of studying on top of that. But also because I was pretty self conscious and nervous because I didn't know what I was doing. Med school? BTW nobody really knows what they are doing when trying to date in college and are self-conscious. Anyways, the problem you are experiencing now is because they guys are older and they know what they want and are assuming you want the same thing. Dating is different once you get past 25.
Treasa Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Part of the reason was I really didn't have time. I had 30 hours a week of classes, and 60 hours a week of studying on top of that. But also because I was pretty self conscious and nervous because I didn't know what I was doing. Sweetie, as with everyone else, you're going to suck at it until you do it enough. In martial arts, with every new kyu, it's a bunch of new things, and we look stupid at first. By the time we're ready to test, we look like we've been doing it forever. You didn't just get up and walk perfectly when you were around a year old, did you? No, you fell down a lot, stumbled, etc. EVERYTHING is like that. You aren't going to get better at it until you practice. Don't expect things to go perfectly. I don't know many people who met "the one" (ok, that term makes me gag) right off the bat. I know you went on some dates, but you need to keep doing it. Ask guys out. Sign up for OLD. Be positive and friendly and interested in the other person. Ask questions. Show enthusiasm for what you like to do. 1
gospel Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Enjoy the fact you are a unicorn Seriously just go with the flow and don't fall for the first guy that comes along. Also branch out the guys you date could be short,tall,fat,black,white etc. Have fun and enjoy dating
Author AJP Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 Med school? BTW nobody really knows what they are doing when trying to date in college and are self-conscious. Anyways, the problem you are experiencing now is because they guys are older and they know what they want and are assuming you want the same thing. Dating is different once you get past 25. Not med school, but a similar medical program. At first I was doing okay. I think it was the 3rd or 4th date that the guy asked me how long I had been single. I just responded with "quite a while" because "over a decade" seemed a bit dumb to say. We moved onto the next question, but later on he asked again. I think I said that I've just been dating. He asked again and I said I didn't have relationships through university. He found it really strange and was distant the rest of the date. That made me pretty self-conscious about not having relationships. Being a virgin doesn't help at all. I'm not picky at all when it comes to men. Unless he's shorter than me, I just find that awkward. But considering I'm only 5', I've only had to deal with that once. I almost always like people that I'm not attracted to, then after a little while of being around them I become very attracted to them.
Nightsky Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Don't people in med school or similar program all kind of date each other. Hmm your story just doesn't add up. Especially if you've been in school this long people would have been hitting on you. even just people not in your class. Well you're in luck because even if you are an Ogre having no dating experience is really a plus for a woman. Just put out the vibe. Oh and go ahead do OLD. I mean it's terrible for guys but for a girl you'll get like a ton of men asking you out. If you like one bingo bango... although it would be lower quality men... hmmm but maybe you'll get lucky. Yeah just do OLD. Report back. You sound like you're in England or I'd be more curious about popping your cherry myself lol
Author AJP Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 A lot of them do date each other, a lot are married to each other too. People did hit on me, I just ignored it or declined. There was plenty of men at my school, but in my specific program there was 2 (there was only 30 in the program). I'm thinking about doing OLD, but not too sure about it yet. It seems odd.
christine07 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 There is nothing wrong with being a virgin, I think that is what you are so nervous about when your out on dates. It looms over you and it doesn't help that you are thinking something is wrong for not dating people during school. You just need to focus on all your fabulous parts. Your smart, good looking, and despite what you have said, I'm positive you are not awkward. Just imagine your out having a casual conversation with a friend. I know its hard to imagine.. but just think to yourself before you open the door that your out to have a casual fun night. And if a guy ever asks you about your dating past just say you have been focusing on your awesome future.. and that he should feel lucky because he could possibly be in it, then ask him on a second date. lol
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