Sunshine87 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I did so. I kind of regret it. He didn't want to cut all contact. He seemed terrified at the thought of it. He tried to convince me against it. But I did it for my sanity. I've been lurking around and took the informed advice of "Loveshack-ers". Lol. He isn't married. He has an on-off girlfriend of one year. I miss him a lot. 11days of no contact
jwi71 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I did so. I kind of regret it. He didn't want to cut all contact. He seemed terrified at the thought of it. He tried to convince me against it. But I did it for my sanity. I've been lurking around and took the informed advice of "Loveshack-ers". Lol. He isn't married. He has an on-off girlfriend of one year. I miss him a lot. 11days of no contact Well if his GF is on/off - why doesn't he pursue you full time do to speak? Are you M and that's the problem?
Catplates Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Yes I have regreeted it in the past. This led to me breaking the NC and starting the A all over again a few times. The last time I had no regrets, therefore no desire to ever drink at that well again and I haven't. If you regret then you truly didn't mean it, Cat 1
Summer Breeze Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Yes I have regreeted it in the past. This led to me breaking the NC and starting the A all over again a few times. The last time I had no regrets, therefore no desire to ever drink at that well again and I haven't. If you regret then you truly didn't mean it, Cat The last line is just what I was going to say. Until you're totally done with it you might have regrets that send you back and forth but when it's done you know it. Moments of regret are expected but when they seem to invade your life you know you weren't as close to the end as you'd thought. 1
Sarabi Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 What do you do if... he wants to be friends? Is that even possible? Last night he was heavily hinting that I deserve so much more and that there's plenty more fish in the sea and he doesn't want to string me along without hope. So I asked him if he wants to stop and if being friends was worth it and if he was trying to get me to end it so he wouldn't have to (obviously...) He then said have I ever thought about the fact that he might be testing me to see if I really want him because he has suffered a lot of rejection...(really, if he is married, whether I want him or not is irrelevant surely if he has no intentions to divorce...? Its just ego stroking on his part or am I wrong?) About being friends-He said it won't be easy. I suggested that it is better to cut all contact as if I never existed. He said he can't do it. It feels heartless and that he just can't do it. Then he started talking about some of the intimate things we got up to and I told him he needs to make up his mind because it sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. I have been trying to draw away from him and he is getting upset. He is trying to tell me that I can find someone better...and when I am trying to leave him to get on with his life and fix things the way he wants, he starts with how much he misses me/loves me etc. I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!
Sarabi Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Would it be wrong of me or rude of me to tell him I wish him the best but to f**k off back to his wife and leave me out of it...because at the end of the day that is what (I assume) he wants. I hope they are happy but honestly...how can you move on with making the best of your marriage if you still want to cling on to the thing that you thought was causing you problems to being with? Doesn't make sense. He can't have and quite possibly doesn't want both of us but why won't he let me go?
movingon45 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 What do you do if... he wants to be friends? Is that even possible? I believe that staying as friends is not possible until you have both moved on. You will always be tempted. The chemistry will always be there! 2
Lillyfree Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 there are moments of weakness. i miss him and think that i shouldn't have just cut things off the way i did. then i remind myself why i did it, and what a mess i was. that 'being friends' is not an option as he will be moving to my town around this time (he might already be here by now) and that could only lead to one thing. i've come too far to go back.
GreyhoundtoNowhere Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 What do you do if... He then said have I ever thought about the fact that he might be testing me to see if I really want him because he has suffered a lot of rejection...(really, if he is married, whether I want him or not is irrelevant surely if he has no intentions to divorce...? Its just ego stroking on his part or am I wrong?) I have been trying to draw away from him and he is getting upset. He is trying to tell me that I can find someone better...and when I am trying to leave him to get on with his life and fix things the way he wants, he starts with how much he misses me/loves me etc. I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! this sounds just LIKE my MM. Exactly. He'll hear about guys liking me or asking me out and he'll say "go out with them.... live your life..." Then when I actually did go on a date, he flipped and was so angry asking "why I was dating? am i not good enough?" and said he was mad because he couldn't give me what I need (no, you can-- you choose not to!)
LostSoulTrain Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I did this in our last conversation. I told her that I wish to be in complete NC so I can move on and that this was last chance I was willing to give to us. She begged me not to leave and not to block her but I just stood my ground as I felt that she missed too many opportunities. I was more convinced that I am doing right thing when I told her "I dont want to leave, I want to spend life with you, but for that to happen you need to leave your husband". She just sat silent. Its been 18 days NC. I cant stop thinking that I did wrong by closing communication lines.
RickFox Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I did this in our last conversation. I told her that I wish to be in complete NC so I can move on and that this was last chance I was willing to give to us. She begged me not to leave and not to block her but I just stood my ground as I felt that she missed too many opportunities. I was more convinced that I am doing right thing when I told her "I dont want to leave, I want to spend life with you, but for that to happen you need to leave your husband". She just sat silent. Its been 18 days NC. I cant stop thinking that I did wrong by closing communication lines. Dude, stop with that! Her silence should be all the motivation you need to know that is PRECISELY why you should have cut off all communication! Imagine how you'd feel if she was with you and then you find out she was Effing other dudes at the office behind your back. Chances are great she would. My exAP told me to never contact her again, to leave her alone and called me a stalker and then, last year sent me two messages on FB. Pissed me smooth the hell off.
Author Sunshine87 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 Well if his GF is on/off - why doesn't he pursue you full time do to speak? Are you M and that's the problem? Hey there, thanks for your input. No I'm not married. I guess his heart lies with her, even though she keeps breaking up with him. The heart wants what the heart wants.
Author Sunshine87 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 I did this in our last conversation. I told her that I wish to be in complete NC so I can move on and that this was last chance I was willing to give to us. She begged me not to leave and not to block her but I just stood my ground as I felt that she missed too many opportunities. I was more convinced that I am doing right thing when I told her "I dont want to leave, I want to spend life with you, but for that to happen you need to leave your husband". She just sat silent. Its been 18 days NC. I cant stop thinking that I did wrong by closing communication lines. Exactly how I feel/felt. Ultimately, I think we made the best decision. Sometimes the best thing to do is the hardest and as a result, often conflicts with our desires. But I got tired of the emotional roller coaster. Ild rather live in peace than go through that again. If someone wants to be with you, they will make it clear, somehow. What good would have come out of staying in touch?
Author Sunshine87 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 Thanks everyone for your input. Deeply appreciated. Let's keep the dialogue rolling. Any similar stories or concerns?
missy268 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I started my a up again over christmas I'm the OW, i'm single and so therefore no commitments he's in a long term relationship with his girlfriend (on/off) of 4 years. Our affair started on April 4th 2010, emotionally. We started getting physical on 20th August 2011, and our A ended January 12th 2012 We continued to work together and on December 23rd 2012, he was at my front door. I was stupid and let him in......We kissed that morning, and he's been round 3 more times. He's spoken about his girlfriend, but said that she is still his ex.....i know differently. I recently found some more stuff out about him, and now we're in NC again....and for once in my life i am happy about being away from him. The guy is toxic! affairs are toxic! and they never leave, and if they do...can you trust them..........No I'm free and single to move on to somebody new - and he's stuck in the same cycle....who wins? Me! Now i make it sound very easy, but it isn't, but there comes a time, where you are just SO done! I will have to see him at work, but i'm confident i won't feel anything or if i do, it won't be much because after all this time, as you can see , i have waited patiently for something more to happen whilst he has been playing his games, I'm not a pawn in a game, i am a person, and i wish to be treated like one. There have been times i've missed him and literally screamed my house down, times where the pain was so overwhelming I just went to bed and went to sleep - it broke my heart it honestly did, i'm only speaking like this now because i think i am slowly getting over him. We are on day 6 of no contact, and i'm not missing him....i don't wish for him to text You WILL get there! and i dont mind sharing my story for people, it helps right now, i'm in a happy place, over christmas when this was going on between us, i wasn't. he doesn't make me happy so he's gotta go - You will only let go when you're ready. This will be our 4th time of NC Good Luck xx 3
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