I regret telling him not to contact me

[Sunshine87]

In summary, I was seeing a guy for about five months. But he had an on and off girlfriend. When we met they had broken up, but I think he loves her so he keeps getting back with her/doing everything to make it work, even though he claims that she put him through a lot and hurt him emotionally.

 

Anyway I got uncomfortable with the situation. I feel like he is very insecure and unsure about their relationship and wants to keep me there (maybe as a form of insurance?) I don't know. He claimed he was confused etc. Whatever. But I noticed that anytime I tried to break away, he would contact me and I would go back into relapse.

 

I finally decided to move on. He was horrified at the thought of cutting contact and tried to convince me not to. But I stood my ground and told him firmly "pls don't contact me anymore. I won't contact you pls don't contact me".

 

This occurred 11 days ago and immediately he dropped me off, I turned off my phone so he wouldn't be able to contact me. Anyway I put on the phone two days ago. I don't know if he tried to reach me because my phone was off but ill take it as he didn't. We haven't been in contact since then.

 

I felt very strong initially but now I feel so sad. He kept telling me that I was impatient and in his words "if you don't get what you want now, exactly how you want it, you're so quick to react". He made all these comments 11days ago (when I told him not to contact me ever again).

 

I miss him a lot and a part of me wishes that I hadn't been so hasty. What if I was impatient? He did admit that he had been with his girlfriend for a year and tried so hard to make it work. I know he loves her. He hasn't said this explicitly but his actions show. So I understand why like he said "the situation is sticky".

 

To cut the long story short, I felt empowered on day 1, 2, 3 ,4 ,5, 6, 7, 8 of no contact. But the moment I put on my phone I started to miss him so much. I thought to myself "he didn't try to contact me. He didn't send me any emails. Does this mean he doesn't even miss me".

 

I also regret telling him to never contact me again. But I did so because I was hurting from the uncertainty of the relationship. I didn't feel secure.

 

What do I do? Thanks

[Million.to.1]

Are you crazy?

 

You TOTALLY did the right thing. it's a REALLY GOOD THING that he hasn't contacted you.

 

be thankful that you are not dealing with stupid breadcrumbs that only hold you back.

 

It's natural to have a slump during NC.. but you have to stick with it.

 

Fact is, that you were his insurance. He just afraid of losing that. Don't let his "you're too quick to react" bollocks make you think he wants anything more from you than to wait around in case things with the woman he really loves doesn't work out.

You were a pallet cleanser darling. You deserve much better.

 

Stick to NC. If i were you, i would block his number. Then, even if he does try and contact you, you won't know either way.

You are totally walking away from this with your head held high and your dignity in tact if you continue to stay strong. It will get easier, I promise.

 

Aim to go 3 months NC. You are only at day 11, and there is still hurdles to get over. Don't beat yourself up... it's natural to feel set-backs and NC is not easy. But it's never reason to go back on what you know to be the best course of action.

 

Make it easy on yourself and delete him from your life.

[Fryderyk_Franciszek]

I know NC can be very hard. I know that when I am going through NC it would be even harder turning off my phone. I would constantly be deluding myself into thinking that when I turn on my phone, everything will be okay. She will have called me and said, "Let's talk about things."

 

By not turning off my phone I have to deal with every minute I look at it knowing that she isn't calling me or texting me. Which tends to make it easier and easier every time I check my phone. I suggest you keep your phone on and think of it as a start over to NC. It isn't easy, but you need to stay strong.

 

Was he maintaining contact with his ex while you guys were together?

[KatZee]

5 months is more than enough time to wait for some jackhole who doesn't know that he's playing games with people.

 

If he's in love with some other chick the right thing to do is leave you alone. I'm not really sure where he's getting, "if you don't get what you want right now you're quick to react..."

 

I'm pretty sure ANYONE would be quick to react if the guy they were "seeing" kept getting back with another girl, and kept saying they loved that other girl. Why waste your time? He's giving you no indication that he'll ever even be with you, he's invested with her. You're just something to play with on the down time.

 

I doubt he'd ever leave her to be with you. So keep strong. You deserve more.

[na49]

I know how you feel. I went a step further and blocked my ex's number after telling her to leave me alone. So not only is she not going to contact me. I won't ever know if she tries to. We just love hearing from them. Something about knowing that they still care enough to still reach out to us just feels great. I know it sucks. but you really did the right thing in telling him not to contact you. If he's not going to ask for a second chance and apologize, what does he have to say to you that you want to hear anyway? That he wants to be friends? It sucks losing someone you love from your life completely, but if they don't love us the same way, they can only do more damage if we let them stick around. Seeing them do well without us hurts. So let's do well without them, and see how they feel about it.

[TaraMaiden]

good post na49.

 

Sunshine87....Notice how nobody gave you the reassuring pat and said, 'there there.... ok, go back to him then......"..?

 

Because think very carefully about what that would mean.

 

About everything that would mean.

 

We know.

That's why NC is absolutely the thing you have to stick to, 100% without FAIL.

 

Delete/block his number.

 

It really is your best - and safest - option.

[Sunshine87]

I know NC can be very hard. I know that when I am going through NC it would be even harder turning off my phone. I would constantly be deluding myself into thinking that when I turn on my phone, everything will be okay. She will have called me and said, "Let's talk about things."

 

By not turning off my phone I have to deal with every minute I look at it knowing that she isn't calling me or texting me. Which tends to make it easier and easier every time I check my phone. I suggest you keep your phone on and think of it as a start over to NC. It isn't easy, but you need to stay strong.

 

Was he maintaining contact with his ex while you guys were together?

 

 

Thanks so much for your input. I wasn't aware that he was. However I went to his facebook wall one day and discovered that she had written on his wall. Nothing incriminating or personal, just friendly and casual but definitely indicative of the fact that they were in touch. That was the moment I decided I couldn't take it any longer and started to withdraw. But he wouldn't let me be. (At least not until the last time when I expressly told him to stay away)

[Sunshine87]

When we got together he continued to reiterate that the relationship was over for good. I was a bit wary but he said they were done etc. With time, I became more relaxed. In hindsight, I shouldn't have let my guard down. Lesson learnt.

[Sunshine87]

Today was much better. I went to see a movie from a friend. I'm forging ahead. I can't wait to be over him. Thank so much to everyone who responded. You guys will never understand how much strength and encouragment you've given.

 

I hope I feel this good tomorrow.

[Fryderyk_Franciszek]

Best of luck to you Sunshine. I know how tough it is. I am going through the same thing. It sounds like you made the right decision and you are willing to stick by it. Your courage sets an example for all of us. Stay strong