Alsuna Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 We broke up 5 days ago, and I thought I was on the right track. Immediate NC, crying the first 2 days, but then I was able to get back to a somewhat normal life. Feeling still empty inside, numb, filling out every spare minute with activities, so I dont have time to feel miserable because of being unloved after 6 years by someone, who I loved unconditionally. No matter what bullsh*t he came up with, always supported him, and I could really tell some crazy stories... This is quite hard, as Im 2000 km away from home, and will be still here for a while because of my studies. So, I have it pretty hard to cope with the whole BU all alone. One of our friends contacted me today, asking me what I'm doing tonight, and if he could come over. I like him, and he was one of my first friends after moving here, I could always count on. He has just been over a BU 6 month ago, his gf broke up with him after 7 years. I was sure he knew we broke up with my bf, as they are texting each other on almost a daily basis. He came over, I cooked him dinner (I do that to all of my friends). The first thing he told me after getting into my apartment was: "It's gonna be better, you gonna find someone new." And thats when it hit me. My ex wont ever change his mind on the BU. If his close friends take the BU granted, then it really must be final. Which shouldnt be any news to me, as I can still remember my ex saying, that he doesnt love me anymore, and his feelings are gone. But I thought, if I work on my issues and become a better version of me, then when I visit home end of March, he will fall back in love with me. Now I feel, that all the hope is gone, and it I'm back to day 1. All the friends I have here in this town, are his friends too, so I don't have a person I could trust here with my problems. We didnt talk about my ex with this friend, he was smart enough not to give me any updates on him, and I was strong enough not to ask anything. But still, I feel again anxiety and fear of the future like on day 1.
ooglesnboogles Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Seems like you trusted this friend enough. Even if your friends are mutual with your ex, shouldn't at least one of them be close enough to you that you can talk and not worry about it getting back to your ex? Or were they all his friends that became yours too? I think I would try my best to think of it this way: If you improve yourself in whatever way you feel you need, then you'll be that much more likely to find someone who feels towards you what you feel towards them. To me, that would be a much better motivator than thinking improvement could bring someone else back. There would always be that doubt of how they really feel. Best to accept it, move on, and realize you can be happy in other ways. I know what it's like to go through stuff like that all alone, as I was away for school and felt stranded. I found it helpful to write down my thoughts. It helped me to figure out why I felt how I did, plus it was a vent. It helped me get to sleep at night. I've never reread any of what I wrote, cause I don't have to. I just wanted to get it out of my head, work it out, and that in itself helped me feel better and get back on track.
cavalier99 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 His friend did you a favor. Now you have NO HOPE of reconciliation and can truly begin to heal. False hope is a killer. It is insidious, and stifles your healing. Better to realize it now early on rather than later. It gets better..promise!
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