tinkerbash Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 so on day number four i couldn't handle the fact i hadn'e heard from him! and despite being awesome through 4 days of no facebook no contact no nothing i got his number and i sent him a text!! I am so angry at myself but i got to say it felt good to see his reply it was just to say he is happy to hear from me but it was amazing..... now im really confused with what to do next ! I know it was a really bad idea and i'm worried it will be like starting from scratch!
Coping Vortex Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 so on day number four i couldn't handle the fact i hadn'e heard from him! and despite being awesome through 4 days of no facebook no contact no nothing i got his number and i sent him a text!! I am so angry at myself but i got to say it felt good to see his reply it was just to say he is happy to hear from me but it was amazing..... now im really confused with what to do next ! I know it was a really bad idea and i'm worried it will be like starting from scratch! Hmmmmmm not good. I hope you don't fall harder after this. I know I went through the same thing and in the end I was just more depressed than before. She even kept texting me for a week and then finally dropped off. Now he knows you are still on the hook he will torture you for awhile. He knows he can snap his finger and you will come running. I hope you don't get hurt worse.
geegirl Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 so on day number four i couldn't handle the fact i hadn'e heard from him! and despite being awesome through 4 days of no facebook no contact no nothing i got his number and i sent him a text!! I am so angry at myself but i got to say it felt good to see his reply it was just to say he is happy to hear from me but it was amazing..... now im really confused with what to do next ! I know it was a really bad idea and i'm worried it will be like starting from scratch! Everytime you break NC, you start from scratch. It's a wonderful rush to get that response, but then you go back to your dark hole again because after contact, there is no place else to go but where you came from. You're confused about what to do next? Well, the only thing you can do is go back on NC. The situation never changed. It was the same before you broke NC, when you broke NC and after you broke NC.
Author tinkerbash Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 the funny thing is though i felt better about it all... not like great or anything i still thought about him all day but i wasn't in that sick to my stomach crying all day phase which was easier, then i go and do something stupid!! aaah im so mad at myself!! why!!!!!!! its gunna hurt like hell now!
geegirl Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 the funny thing is though i felt better about it all... not like great or anything i still thought about him all day but i wasn't in that sick to my stomach crying all day phase which was easier, then i go and do something stupid!! aaah im so mad at myself!! why!!!!!!! its gunna hurt like hell now! You felt better because you got a temporary fix from your 4 day NC bout. Give it a few more days and you'll be back there again. This time, feel the pain and stop looking to your source of pain to comfort those feelings. 2
Author tinkerbash Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 i hate the pain, its more than i can handle it's ruining my every day functionality and I can't bear it! i'm new to no contact and i'm used to speaking to him every day! cold turkey is torture!
geegirl Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 i hate the pain, its more than i can handle it's ruining my every day functionality and I can't bear it! i'm new to no contact and i'm used to speaking to him every day! cold turkey is torture! We've all been there. Grieving and detaching isn't an easy thing to do or feel. The only way out of it is through it.
Coping Vortex Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 the funny thing is though i felt better about it all... not like great or anything i still thought about him all day but i wasn't in that sick to my stomach crying all day phase which was easier, then i go and do something stupid!! aaah im so mad at myself!! why!!!!!!! its gunna hurt like hell now! Trust me you feel worse if it doesn't lead to reconciliation. You get your hopes up only to be dashed.
Author tinkerbash Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 i have no-one to get me through the urges though its like an addiction and i'm battling it solo!!!!
geegirl Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 i have no-one to get me through the urges though its like an addiction and i'm battling it solo!!!! I didn't have anyone either. You have to find coping skills. Distractions when you feel the urge.
cavalier99 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 so on day number four i couldn't handle the fact i hadn'e heard from him! and despite being awesome through 4 days of no facebook no contact no nothing i got his number and i sent him a text!! I am so angry at myself but i got to say it felt good to see his reply it was just to say he is happy to hear from me but it was amazing..... now im really confused with what to do next ! I know it was a really bad idea and i'm worried it will be like starting from scratch! Like i said before. 3 weeks PURE NC is the goal go get over the worst the addiction and the pure insanity. Have some friends restrain you and take away your electronics
Author tinkerbash Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 i have been so good cavalier no facebook whatsoever but i need my phone for work and its a constant temptation! 3 weeks is the new goal starting from tomorrow (since today no longer counts.... so weak) then it's on cold turkey!!! I know its possible if i can do 4 i can do 40! 1
Coping Vortex Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 i have no-one to get me through the urges though its like an addiction and i'm battling it solo!!!! We all are. I have reached out to every friend I had to keep my mind off of it. I have spent hours talking to everyone of them over and over. I have a buddy that I speak to every day about it. I'm surprised he will still listen but you will find out if you reach out to people they will be willing to help out. I'm having dinner with my sister tonight to get her to listen as well. I never reached out to her before to discuss my love life before. Just pull every friend you have and you will see how people will rally around you. They will tell you their stories of how they went through it at one time or another.
Author tinkerbash Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 after leaving school i moved to spain, totally alienated myslef from my fiends and family and when i returned with my daughter i only had her and my mum, she is the only person to help but she has just lost her job and i really don't wanna lay all this crap on her! my only other friend is emma but i hardly ever hear from or see her these days as she is really busy with her family! i need a AA type therapy group i think lol!
cavalier99 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 i have been so good cavalier no facebook whatsoever but i need my phone for work and its a constant temptation! 3 weeks is the new goal starting from tomorrow (since today no longer counts.... so weak) then it's on cold turkey!!! I know its possible if i can do 4 i can do 40! Post here on this thread when the urges strike. We will talk you out of it....if we can. Lol You will get thru it. We were all in this horrible state and bat **** crazy just like you are right now. This is normal believe it or not. 1
Author tinkerbash Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 nothing about this feeln normal! but thanks it's good to know i have people on here who will help! i wish this site had an app for when im at work battling the addiction!!!!
LostOne1 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 battle it hard.. then you will get used to the battle and it will become easier. 1
Coping Vortex Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 after leaving school i moved to spain, totally alienated myslef from my fiends and family and when i returned with my daughter i only had her and my mum, she is the only person to help but she has just lost her job and i really don't wanna lay all this crap on her! my only other friend is emma but i hardly ever hear from or see her these days as she is really busy with her family! i need a AA type therapy group i think lol! Keep posting. I wish we could chat via IM or Skype. I know talking helps a lot in these situations.
Author tinkerbash Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 thanks yeah i think its the only way. i am now back to square one cheacking my phone constantly waiting to see if he replies! aaaah why did i do this i am such an idiot aand now i am well and truly starting from square one!! plus i lost the battle! he knows he can go longer than me and he know i need and miss him now and he didnt have a chance to truly miss me!
cavalier99 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 after leaving school i moved to spain, totally alienated myslef from my fiends and family and when i returned with my daughter i only had her and my mum, she is the only person to help but she has just lost her job and i really don't wanna lay all this crap on her! my only other friend is emma but i hardly ever hear from or see her these days as she is really busy with her family! i need a AA type therapy group i think lol! I'm not in AA or and alcoholic but i borrowed my friends AA Big book to help me the 1st few weeks. I read, prayed and practiced the 1st few steps... but related everything to my relationship instead of alcohol. It helped.
Coping Vortex Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 nothing about this feeln normal! but thanks it's good to know i have people on here who will help! i wish this site had an app for when im at work battling the addiction!!!! I started Individual counseling in addition to talking to friends. Find a counselor. I never thought I would go to a counselor my self but he has given me coping skills. Go to the book store and read every book you can on get over an ex. I just read a book called "Obsessive Love" by Susan Forward. It describes everyone on this site. It basically says that we all feel we "need" that person but in reality we don't. There is something else in our lives that either happened to us or just part of personality that won't let the other person go, and it says we have to love ourselves not to be dependent on another for our happiness. Its an interesting read. It does also cover stalking etc. But it does include what we are all doing on this site as well.
Author tinkerbash Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 well i wouldnt say I'm a stalker but i would say i obsess over him and i know for a fact it's not healthy! example! i havent bought myself anything new in about 6 months , i have however spend hundreds upon hundreds of pounds on him and yet i still couldnt manage to be enough! im almost at 50 coping not long to go! i would skype but my cam is broke since i paid a guy to fix my screen and he internally disconnected it and i have no idea how to fix it! grrr!
cavalier99 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 You need to block him on your phone and facebook so you cant get texts. Call your carrier or go on the web site and see if you can do this. Also block him on FB, and delete ALL emails. Especially the nice ones. I deleted 8 years of communications in like 20 minutes on multiple email accounts and for her multiple accounts. I erased her... contact info and all! Very liberating. I think i did it at the 2 week mark.
Missing Him Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 It's a learning experience! You can be told all day long that having no contact with him is the way to go, but you won't be able to stick to it and do it until you know why it's the way to go. Once you've felt the emotional hell that comes from keeping in contact, you'll know why you need to go no contact. You can do it!
Coping Vortex Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 It's a learning experience! You can be told all day long that having no contact with him is the way to go, but you won't be able to stick to it and do it until you know why it's the way to go. Once you've felt the emotional hell that comes from keeping in contact, you'll know why you need to go no contact. You can do it! I agree I didn't want to really go NC as we started texting last week and I thought i was working my way back but it was all breadcrumbs and wasn't real/ All false hope. Now I am resigned to NC for real. I was kidding myself. Tinker is a process I think most of broke NC but trust me you will come around when you see that its the only way back to sanity. I keep getting little reminders of her and my heart sinks. One of the things that I will struggle with is we had a tremendous sex life and I just don't think I will have anything that intense again. I fear any intimate relationship with any other woman will pale in comparison and be a cruel reminder of what I had with my ex.
Recommended Posts