shame_on_me Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 maybe she was and you don't know. i held mine in for over a decade! what makes you think she just didn't open up that side to you? there are people on here that had never been abused and have been the OW so i'm not saying it's impossible, but you may just not know the truth. I do not believe she has although she has shared some other disturbing facts with me regarding her life.
2sure Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 It's hard for me to say, so far down the line, whether being abused led directly to my becoming OW. I think it did, know it did...but that was just one of a Long string of decisions that all stemmed from....the person I developed into in part because of the abuse. When it happens we are so young, that there isn't such a clear before and after line indicating a change...but certainly now as a mature adult, I can look back and see clearly that I have been defending myself and coping with the abuse in one way or another...in all of my relationships. Mostly keeping love and sex separate , keeping myself at arms length, and always feeling like I am on the outside looking in. And not necessarily wanting in. With the description above, it's easy to see being OW was a comfortable place for me.
William Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) From moderation: The topic is: Personal poll - If one has had the experience of child abuse/molestation/rape and one feels it influenced them in matters of relationship fidelity or infidelity, share those thoughts. Commenting on other members and 'good' or 'bad' has no place in this thread. About 25 posts deleted and one vacation. Remain on topic and civil or don't post. Thanks. Edited January 11, 2013 by William topic
2sure Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I think it is not unreasonable to agree that those of us with a history of sexual abuse may have problems with intimate relationships. Problems with healthy relationships. Possibly comfortable with unhealthy relationships. Hmmm. Compartmentalization might be easy as well. A sense of unworthiness sure, but how about hostility? 1
Got it Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I think it is not unreasonable to agree that those of us with a history of sexual abuse may have problems with intimate relationships. Problems with healthy relationships. Possibly comfortable with unhealthy relationships. Hmmm. Compartmentalization might be easy as well. A sense of unworthiness sure, but how about hostility? I agree completely and can see how childhood abuse would lend towards unhealthy relationship later one and becoming a WS or a BS. I think there are many that find themselves to be BS in multiple relationship. At that point you have to look at the common denominator and figure out why you continue to seek out certain qualities in people. We will continue to repeat the patterns we are taught until we recognize them, acknowledge them, and learn new patterns. We are very much the product of our childhood. 1
pandorabox Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I honestly do not see any connection. Ok, i was molested at home, gang raped at night18. Had been married for 20 years. Now going through divorce and an A is just what I need to deal with all the crap my soon to be XH throwing my way. Additionally I intend to stay single and prefer to have MM in my life. We both know what's the deal and it works perfect. I do not have/had problems with intimacy or feeling worthless. I guess i'm like someone posted above survivor not a victim
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