Pinky777 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I am on Day 9 of total NC from my ex. We broke up in mid-November, and it was an amicable BU for the most part. After 6 months of a great relationship, I was madly in love and wanted more while he liked me but didn’t want anything serious. It hurt like crazy, but when he said we should take a step back and just be friends, I was grateful for that at least because I couldn’t deal with him being out of my life completely, and I guess I still had some hope we’d get back together. The next several weeks were a roller coaster ride. I cried myself to sleep constantly missing him but we remained in LC keeping it light and friendly, and I pretended I was doing OK. He actually initiated contact first. We spoke on Thanksgiving, and then a few times after that over the next few weeks. Every time we spoke I felt as if I were walking on air the rest of the day, but then a day or two later it would sink in that he was gone. It was torture but at the same time I couldn’t let go. I also knew it was a matter of time we’d stop contacting each other all together and actually prepared myself to go fully NC after New Year’s. If only I’d waited one more day. On New Year’s eve, I went to a party and got incredibly drunk. After midnight I texted him Happy New Year. He did not respond. An hour went by and nothing. I pictured him partying, kissing someone else. By this point the bottle and a half of wine that I’d drank was kicking in and a sob fest ensured I could not stop crying and I’d convinced myself he was completely done with me. I texted him another 2 times then called his phone at 2 am. Nothing. One final text at 2:30 saying that I’d appreciate it if he’d be straight with me if he didn’t want to be friends anymore and passed out. I know how crazy it all sounds but it my drunken state it was like someone took over my body. The next morning I got a text from him and he was pissed. Turns out he had his kids and they were all sleeping. I could not have felt like a bigger fool, I felt like the lowest thing on earth. He also texted sarcastically “happy new year”. I told him I was sorry for calling him that late, he didn’t deserve that but that I had been missing him and NYE brought all those feelings up for me. I also said that I would like to be friends one day but I need to get myself better. I have not heard from him since. I feel horribly ashamed of my actions, I’m far too old at 35 to be acting like that and I feel like I ruined any sort of friendship we could have had. I haven’t heard from him since and I’m not sure I will. I have stopped drinking since then (I had been coping with the BU by drinking lots of wine), starting to work out again and have been trying to move forward with my life but it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. The depression I felt before is nothing compared to this, sometimes I feel so sad I can hardly move. work is suffering. I feel like he hates me and that’s too much to take. “Friends” was hard but this is far, far worse. I know what the answer will be, but I really would love to just reach out to him one last time and see how he’s doing, see if he’s still mad. It’s really sinking in that he’s gone now and it’s all my fault. At first I thought forced NC would be the best thing for me as far as moving forward, but I want to fix it, make amends, make it OK just so he doesn’t hate me. I don’t’ know if he hates me or not but it sure feels like it. Maybe I should give it a few months and see how I feel. Part of me thinks that if I don’t reach out and talk to him one last time I will never be able to move forward but the other part knows I need to just clean move on. Will ANY good come out of me contacting him again?
Own Worst Enemy Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 i know exactly how you feel, having just been told after 18 months that he wants to see other people. so now we are NC. can anything good come out of it? well. it depends what you want. unfortunately it doesn't sound from what you say as if you are going to get what you want, ie him. my own view is that nothing and silence are preferable to yet another rejection, which is why i am holding tight to NC for the first time ever with this guy. however, if you want to say, "i'm sorry i acted crazy, i was just drunk and the holidays are hard. i will now leave you alone, but if you still want to be friends in a few months time, when i've had time to heal, i would like to think we could make that work," then you could. but you'd have to be prepared for a slap in the face if he was really fed up, or if he doesn't want to be friends, or if you email him in 6 months' time and he has a new girlfriend. these thoughts are why i said no to a friendship, and walked out. of course, hopefully in 6 months' time, however impossible it feels now, you will be OVER him, and won't be thinking twice about him. but right now, it's all about what gets you through the next 24 hours.
na49 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Will ANY good come out of me contacting him again? Will ANY good come out of hearing about how much he loves his life without you in it? NO GOOD WILL COME OUT OF IT! DON'T DO IT! WHO CARES IF HE'S MAD? YOU'RE HEART BROKEN! I know how you feel. It's not fun to think that there's someone mad at you. No matter who it is. So you want to make sure that there's no hard feelings. Well I don't know if he's mad at you, but if he is, he'll get over it. I promise you he won't stay mad at you for the rest of his life. You've been NC for 9 days, why break it? It gets harder before it gets easier. The first few weeks are the hardest. It will get easier and then it will get harder again. You have to stay strong though. You're just looking for excuses to contact him now. After you hear he isn't mad at you, you'll look for another reason to contact him a week from now. Where does all of this get you?
Author Pinky777 Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 however, if you want to say, "i'm sorry i acted crazy, i was just drunk and the holidays are hard. i will now leave you alone, but if you still want to be friends in a few months time, when i've had time to heal, i would like to think we could make that work," then you could. This is exactly what i wanted to say, just an apology for acting like an ass and to explain that it was too soon to try to be friends. But I'm afraid that he won't respond or worse will tell me to leave him alone. I'm not looking to get him back as a boyfriend but I feel like a true apology is owed. I'm a big believer in admitting and trying to make amends when I've screwed up. Then again, You're just looking for excuses to contact him now. After you hear he isn't mad at you, you'll look for another reason to contact him a week from now. I am just looking for excuses, this is true. I just want things to go back to the way they were before, when we were still on friendly terms. i really really wanted to try NC for a while after the New year, I was preparing myself for that. Not forever, just until the point where we could be friends without my feelings getting in the way. But I ruined that. I know he won't stay mad forever, but I'm just having a hard time coping. Before, i could call or text him whenever and he would respond, I was using him as a crutch, and him too I think. I realize now that it was delaying my healing and getting over him. I knew it then, but i didn't care. 2 days ago I was feeling a littel better, but now all I want to do is cry. I do hope it will get better (and worse) and eventually better. this sucks. If I had gone NC from the beginning, I wouldn't be in this mess.
na49 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I am just looking for excuses, this is true. I just want things to go back to the way they were before, when we were still on friendly terms. i really really wanted to try NC for a while after the New year, I was preparing myself for that. Not forever, just until the point where we could be friends without my feelings getting in the way. But I ruined that. I know he won't stay mad forever, but I'm just having a hard time coping. Before, i could call or text him whenever and he would respond, I was using him as a crutch, and him too I think. I realize now that it was delaying my healing and getting over him. I knew it then, but i didn't care. 2 days ago I was feeling a littel better, but now all I want to do is cry. I do hope it will get better (and worse) and eventually better. this sucks. If I had gone NC from the beginning, I wouldn't be in this mess. Keep crying. There's nothing wrong with that. I know how you feel. I miss my ex too. I think I miss her as a friend. It's a lie though. We miss them as they used to be. We miss having them always there for us. Now they're not always there for us. They may be there for us as a friend. But that's just it. They're there for us as a friend. Not a shoulder to cry on. Not moral support. Not someone to tell us they love us and they will always love us no matter what. You want to go back to being friends, and that's still possible in the future. Not now. Not any time soon. You can't be friends with someone you have feelings for. He won't forget about you, when you're ready you may not even want to be friends with him. You know what you have to do. The hard part is doing it. 1
cavalier99 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 (edited) NO good will come out of more contact. He knows how you feel etc. You will only kill your self esteem even more by contacting him. Let it go. It really doesn't affect them as much as we think. Just stop! This is about you now. F*ck him and what he thinks. Your heart broken. This is about you now. He doesn't matter. If you want send him a last email telling him to "f-off forever and never contact you."..then block him..that way you don't need to worry about him contacting you for the next few months. See what i mean..they don't matter now. Edited January 9, 2013 by cavalier99 1
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