Just smile Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Is it was it some sort of way to cut me down again? Make me feel worse about this situation? I've been told by many I'm beautiful, attractive, fit and look young for my 44 years but this man, who is much older and overweight and not so attractive, took me and somehow battered my self esteem to the ground. I have such inability to pick up the prices and get moving that its depressing. He chose to treat me poorly with disrespect and chase after an old girlfriend whom is old , overweight and not so attractive. I'm trying to not be so malicious but it's true. And I feel so vindictive in a way. Which I know will get me nowhere. So why bother. He said some mean things to me about having sex with another man. Which I did not. But I just still mourn the loss of him, and what I thought he was. So very much miss it. He outright told me he isn't comfortable around my kids. Deal breaker. It WILL NEVER WORK! So tell me please explain to me why does he keep coming back.??? He told me he'd rather cut his fingers off than call me again, but he ALWAYS does. Just wish so much this pain would go away.
Coping Vortex Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Is it was it some sort of way to cut me down again? Make me feel worse about this situation? I've been told by many I'm beautiful, attractive, fit and look young for my 44 years but this man, who is much older and overweight and not so attractive, took me and somehow battered my self esteem to the ground. I have such inability to pick up the prices and get moving that its depressing. He chose to treat me poorly with disrespect and chase after an old girlfriend whom is old , overweight and not so attractive. I'm trying to not be so malicious but it's true. And I feel so vindictive in a way. Which I know will get me nowhere. So why bother. He said some mean things to me about having sex with another man. Which I did not. But I just still mourn the loss of him, and what I thought he was. So very much miss it. He outright told me he isn't comfortable around my kids. Deal breaker. It WILL NEVER WORK! So tell me please explain to me why does he keep coming back.??? He told me he'd rather cut his fingers off than call me again, but he ALWAYS does. Just wish so much this pain would go away. It's funny this guy treats you horribly and you still feel for him. I treated my ex like gold and she doesn't know I exist right now. BTW I am in your age group. Some of us still look good for our age!!!!! 1
Author Just smile Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 Lol, it's funny. My intellectual side of my brain knows bent disrespected is not healthy and I should run, run fast. But it wasnt always like this. The man did have SOME good traits and for some reason I'm fixated on those. The trips , the places he took me to, the laughter, all I hear is the damn laughter and miss holding eachother. And I should be totally focused on the negative which did outweigh the positive... I wish he would come to me professing love, and willing to do anything to make it work,anything. But the fact is. He left me alone,miserable over the holidays and during that time made an effort to see an old girlfriend who he claims he is best friends with. Do you see something wrong with that picture? I need a wake up slap
Coping Vortex Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Lol, it's funny. My intellectual side of my brain knows bent disrespected is not healthy and I should run, run fast. But it wasnt always like this. The man did have SOME good traits and for some reason I'm fixated on those. The trips , the places he took me to, the laughter, all I hear is the damn laughter and miss holding eachother. And I should be totally focused on the negative which did outweigh the positive... I wish he would come to me professing love, and willing to do anything to make it work,anything. But the fact is. He left me alone,miserable over the holidays and during that time made an effort to see an old girlfriend who he claims he is best friends with. Do you see something wrong with that picture? I need a wake up slap We all do. LOL! I still can't accept my ex left for another guy who flirted with her in a bar. We had no issues getting along except for me not moving fast enough to move in with her. Other than that we were great.
geegirl Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 So tell me please explain to me why does he keep coming back.??? He told me he'd rather cut his fingers off than call me again, but he ALWAYS does. Just wish so much this pain would go away. You acknowledge that he is very toxic and has treated you very badly. Yet, you question why he comes back? Why are you trying to comprehend toxic behavior? People do unhealthy things when they are mentally unhealthy. It doesn't just apply to him but to you as well. What about you keeps allowing him to come back? It's not about him anymore. It's about your mental and emotional state. Time to focus on fixing you instead of focusing on him. You can't question his doing at this point because 1) you enable it 2) he is toxic and will repeat his patterns 3) because he can. You state you are fit, beautiful and attractive. All that means nothing if you are barren inside. You see no value within nor do you feel it. Stop looking to him to validate you. 2
Author Just smile Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 I think with time, we all wake up, for me I was vulnerable fresh out of a long marriage and how no idea how toxic this man was until he admitted how many times he masturbated to me before we met..( we were neighbors when I was married) ,, Creepy huh?? The list goes on... Even though im miserable and cry often, tomorrow night I'm going out on date 2 my first date was New Year's Eve and was a disaster. But I'm not giving up, this is my attempt in moving on... And when mr wack job comes out of his mental fog , I will be the biggest regret he ever had, and you should think this way of your undeserving ex girlfriend...because some woman is out who WILL appreciate you.xo
Author Just smile Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 And that's it for some reason I seek his acceptance ... Is sick, and I do feel barren...
Own Worst Enemy Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 and actually believing/feeling them are two very different things, sadly. geegirl is totally accurate, but this won't happen overnight. you just have to keep telling yourself. and gradually the mindset will switch from him: positive, you: negative to him: negative, you: positive. firstly it will be a small swing, and then it will go back. but eventually it will be all your way.
geegirl Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 (edited) I think with time, we all wake up, for me I was vulnerable fresh out of a long marriage and how no idea how toxic this man was until he admitted how many times he masturbated to me before we met..( we were neighbors when I was married) ,, Creepy huh?? The list goes on... Even though im miserable and cry often, tomorrow night I'm going out on date 2 my first date was New Year's Eve and was a disaster. But I'm not giving up, this is my attempt in moving on... And when mr wack job comes out of his mental fog , I will be the biggest regret he ever had, and you should think this way of your undeserving ex girlfriend...because some woman is out who WILL appreciate you.xo You're dating? You're suffering a battered sense of self and you are dating? You have nothing to offer anyone that is coming to the table, emotionally healthy and able. You're trying to seek a man to fill that empty void. You said yourself your self-esteem is broken. You need a man to validate you. Rather than seek man attention to fill your void, step back from dating and men, and focus on grieving, and stepping out of your cloud by having a relationship with YOU. Invest on ME time for now and keep away from situations that can add to your already affected state. Edited January 9, 2013 by geegirl
Coping Vortex Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I think with time, we all wake up, for me I was vulnerable fresh out of a long marriage and how no idea how toxic this man was until he admitted how many times he masturbated to me before we met..( we were neighbors when I was married) ,, Creepy huh?? The list goes on... Even though im miserable and cry often, tomorrow night I'm going out on date 2 my first date was New Year's Eve and was a disaster. But I'm not giving up, this is my attempt in moving on... And when mr wack job comes out of his mental fog , I will be the biggest regret he ever had, and you should think this way of your undeserving ex girlfriend...because some woman is out who WILL appreciate you.xo Did you guys have an affair?
Author Just smile Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 Did you guys have an affair? No ...my marriage was in trouble long before I met him. BUT I'd say he was the catalyst to my divorce. He knew what. Was going on,,and circled in on me to become friends. Which we did. Nothing of any sexual nature took place until I was separated and my husband was out, but,,, he did offer me five thousand dollars to retain a lawyer to leave my husband which I declined.
Author Just smile Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 You're dating? You're suffering a battered sense of self and you are dating? You have nothing to offer anyone that is coming to the table, emotionally healthy and able. You're trying to seek a man to fill that empty void. You said yourself your self-esteem is broken. You need a man to validate you. Rather than seek man attention to fill your void, step back from dating and men, and focus on grieving, and stepping out of your cloud by having a relationship with YOU. Invest on ME time for now and keep away from situations that can add to your already affected state. I hear you and totally agree. I'm not seeking validation so to speak but rather giving myself something to do other than sitting here when my kids are with their dad other than crying and sulking. I'm tired of grieving. I'm not looking into a relationship.of any sort. But going out with friends, and an occasional date im hoping will somehow pull me out of my misery.
geegirl Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I hear you and totally agree. I'm not seeking validation so to speak but rather giving myself something to do other than sitting here when my kids are with their dad other than crying and sulking. I'm tired of grieving. I'm not looking into a relationship.of any sort. But going out with friends, and an occasional date im hoping will somehow pull me out of my misery. Find other things to do. This is time to rebuild your emotional and mental health. Volunteer when you have free time. Have a quiet dinner at your favorite restaurant by yourself. Take up a hobby that you like. Join meetup.com and get into activities you like. When you find yourrself enjoying your own company and being content with life as it is, you'll realize that a man is just a bonus. I'm your age so telling me you're not seeking validation by dating, isn't quite believable. I've been where you are. There is a part of you that is trying to escape your pain by seeking attention from a man. This is the worst time that you can choose to date because your radar is off, and by any chance you catch a guy and get emotional about, you better be careful that while you are emotionally blind, you don't walk into another bad situation. 1
TaraMaiden Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I need a wake up slap *SLAP!!* Wake up, sistah!! 1
Author Just smile Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 Find other things to do. This is time to rebuild your emotional and mental health. Volunteer when you have free time. Have a quiet dinner at your favorite restaurant by yourself. Take up a hobby that you like. Join meetup.com and get into activities you like. When you find yourrself enjoying your own company and being content with life as it is, you'll realize that a man is just a bonus. I'm your age so telling me you're not seeking validation by dating, isn't quite believable. I've been where you are. There is a part of you that is trying to escape your pain by seeking attention from a man. This is the worst time that you can choose to date because your radar is off, and by any chance you catch a guy and get emotional about, you better be careful that while you are emotionally blind, you don't walk into another bad situation. Your right. Completley and totally right.
Missing Him Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Block his number. Your self-esteem will thank you later.
Author Just smile Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 Block his number. Your self-esteem will thank you later. His numbers , ALL of them have been blocked for weeks, he calls from unavailable numbers or makes up emails....
TaraMaiden Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Ooooh! He really does have a "Please take notice of me!!" Ego, doesn't he, the poor wee lamb!
Author Just smile Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 Ooooh! He really does have a "Please take notice of me!!" Ego, doesn't he, the poor wee lamb! Yes, and the tears and sobs almost sound believable. But for twelve days while on his great vacation and I was here alone and miserable he didn't call once. That mother****er. Knowing and reminding myself he made time for another woman in all of this. Is somehow making it a little tiny bit better, but he doesn't let up. I guess a small niave part of me is hoping he will tell me exactly what I need to hear. But I realize that ain't gonna happen
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