Current vs. The Ex

[Goodbye Blue Sky]

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about 4 months ago. (We were together for almost 2 years) For the first 3 or so months, we went NC. About a month ago we started speaking occasionally on the phone (less than once a week).

 

I've known my current boyfriend for about 2 years. We first kissed a week after my ex and I broke up. Things moved very slowly, and here we are, 4 months later, in an "official relationship".

 

My ex didn't particularly cross my mind since I met my current. Even when he did, I would think about my current and how much happier I am and any feelings of sadness or nostalgia would subside. Even once we started speaking about a month ago, I didn't particularly miss him or have any desire to see him (even though he asked once, I said no).

 

A few days ago I called my ex to wish him a happy new year. He told me he was moving 7 hours away in a few days. I figured it would be my last chance to see him, possibly ever, so we set up a lunch.

 

It started off alright, but quickly became emotional. When we said goodbye we hugged and cried. The next day I missed him so much I asked him out for lunch again. Lunch lasted hours and hours. Same as the day before - Started off alright, became emotional, we both got a bit tipsy. Even after we left, we spoke on the phone for most of the night. I'm ashamed to say there was even a point where I was simultaneously IMing both my ex and my current that night.

 

I did not cheat on my current boyfriend in any way. I do not want to get back together with my ex.

 

I just miss him so much. I never, ever used to but I've started comparing everything about my current to my ex, especially the sex (my ex and I had mindblowing sex). I feel like I had moved on, and now I'm thrown back into it, except there's another person involved whom I absolutely do not want to hurt.

 

Today my ex called me and told me his move has been postponed until the end of the month. The whole reason I saw him two days in a row was because I thought he was leaving and I wanted to see him one last time. But now these feelings.... The fact that he's still going to be here for the rest of the month... I don't want to do something I will regret.

 

Did I move on too quickly?

 

I can't break up with my current - About a week before all of this, we told each other for the first time we loved each other. How do you break up with someone just after saying that?

 

I know I do love him, but having my ex completely out of the picture made it so much easier. My ex told me he would get back together with me in a heartbeat, and that he hasn't even gone on a date since we broke up... He's also shocked at how fast I moved on...I feel guilty for moving on so quickly.

 

I don't want my ex back, I just miss him a lot. I do love my current but I can't stop comparing him to my ex..

 

My current doesn't know about any of the phone calls or the fact I went out with my ex twice... I get ideas about a sneaky shag with my ex, but I DON'T want to do it! I don't think I'll be able to resist him if I see him again, but a big part of me desperately wants to see him again...

 

What do I do? I want to go back to a week ago when I hadn't seen my ex in months

[Coping Vortex]

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about 4 months ago. (We were together for almost 2 years) For the first 3 or so months, we went NC. About a month ago we started speaking occasionally on the phone (less than once a week).

 

I've known my current boyfriend for about 2 years. We first kissed a week after my ex and I broke up. Things moved very slowly, and here we are, 4 months later, in an "official relationship".

 

My ex didn't particularly cross my mind since I met my current. Even when he did, I would think about my current and how much happier I am and any feelings of sadness or nostalgia would subside. Even once we started speaking about a month ago, I didn't particularly miss him or have any desire to see him (even though he asked once, I said no).

 

A few days ago I called my ex to wish him a happy new year. He told me he was moving 7 hours away in a few days. I figured it would be my last chance to see him, possibly ever, so we set up a lunch.

 

It started off alright, but quickly became emotional. When we said goodbye we hugged and cried. The next day I missed him so much I asked him out for lunch again. Lunch lasted hours and hours. Same as the day before - Started off alright, became emotional, we both got a bit tipsy. Even after we left, we spoke on the phone for most of the night. I'm ashamed to say there was even a point where I was simultaneously IMing both my ex and my current that night.

 

I did not cheat on my current boyfriend in any way. I do not want to get back together with my ex.

 

I just miss him so much. I never, ever used to but I've started comparing everything about my current to my ex, especially the sex (my ex and I had mindblowing sex). I feel like I had moved on, and now I'm thrown back into it, except there's another person involved whom I absolutely do not want to hurt.

 

Today my ex called me and told me his move has been postponed until the end of the month. The whole reason I saw him two days in a row was because I thought he was leaving and I wanted to see him one last time. But now these feelings.... The fact that he's still going to be here for the rest of the month... I don't want to do something I will regret.

 

Did I move on too quickly?

 

I can't break up with my current - About a week before all of this, we told each other for the first time we loved each other. How do you break up with someone just after saying that?

 

I know I do love him, but having my ex completely out of the picture made it so much easier. My ex told me he would get back together with me in a heartbeat, and that he hasn't even gone on a date since we broke up... He's also shocked at how fast I moved on...I feel guilty for moving on so quickly.

 

I don't want my ex back, I just miss him a lot. I do love my current but I can't stop comparing him to my ex..

 

My current doesn't know about any of the phone calls or the fact I went out with my ex twice... I get ideas about a sneaky shag with my ex, but I DON'T want to do it! I don't think I'll be able to resist him if I see him again, but a big part of me desperately wants to see him again...

 

What do I do? I want to go back to a week ago when I hadn't seen my ex in months

 

I guess the moral thing to do is avoid the ex. But.....the heart wants what the heart wants. If you have that much of a pull you need to follow your heart or you will regret it. Sounds like there are still some strong feelings for him. You are not married as of yet so I say go with what you feel. I think in too many situations women follow their head and torture themselves later.

[Goodbye Blue Sky]

I guess the moral thing to do is avoid the ex. But.....the heart wants what the heart wants. If you have that much of a pull you need to follow your heart or you will regret it. Sounds like there are still some strong feelings for him. You are not married as of yet so I say go with what you feel. I think in too many situations women follow their head and torture themselves later.

 

Usually I would agree with what you're saying, but I don't think I can mentally or emotionally cope with getting back together with my ex.

 

Our relationship was very tumultuous, he had (has?) problems with alcohol and drugs... If I got back together with him I would have to hide it from all of my friends and family (which I did the previous time my ex and I broke up and got back together - it was a horrible, horrible experience)

 

If we had had a good relationship with mutual love and respect, I would take your advice...

[Coping Vortex]

Usually I would agree with what you're saying, but I don't think I can mentally or emotionally cope with getting back together with my ex.

 

Our relationship was very tumultuous, he had (has?) problems with alcohol and drugs... If I got back together with him I would have to hide it from all of my friends and family (which I did the previous time my ex and I broke up and got back together - it was a horrible, horrible experience)

 

If we had had a good relationship with mutual love and respect, I would take your advice...

 

Oh well yes that changes anything. A friend of mine who is a Psychologist says you can't make someone else's problems your problems. Do you really want to take on his problems? So yes I agree with your choice.

[Jono85]

to me you've cheated. you've lied to your current bf and haven't told him you met up with your ex, twice, and have been in constant contact with him recently. call it whatever you want to make you feel better. imagine your current bf doing this behind your back with his ex. you should've never met up with him in the first place if you were that happy with your current bf. that was pretty disrespectful. who cares if he's moving 7 hours away. that was a dumb excuse to see him if you didn't still have feelings for him (which i assume you did, you were just trying the best you could to hide it). seems like the current bf is a rebound, and it's time to let him off the hook before more damage is done.

[Goodbye Blue Sky]

to me you've cheated. you've lied to your current bf and haven't told him you met up with your ex, twice, and have been in constant contact with him recently. call it whatever you want to make you feel better. imagine your current bf doing this behind your back with his ex. you should've never met up with him in the first place if you were that happy with your current bf. that was pretty disrespectful. who cares if he's moving 7 hours away. that was a dumb excuse to see him if you didn't still have feelings for him (which i assume you did, you were just trying the best you could to hide it). seems like the current bf is a rebound, and it's time to let him off the hook before more damage is done.

 

Wow, that's pretty harsh:( But I understand what you're saying, I've been feeling horribly guilty about the whole thing... Even though I didn't physically cheat, I feel like I emotionally cheated (if that means anything..)

 

I did (and I guess, do) still have feelings for my ex... I knew him for 5 years, was in a serious relationship for 2... He was my first "real" relationship and first love... From what I've gathered from people I've spoken to, somewhere inside you always have feelings on some level for your first love... I know seeing him was wrong, but it didn't come from a place of missing him and outright having feelings for him (at the time, at least). He was a friend long before being my boyfriend and I didn't want to regret never saying goodbye.

 

I don't think my current is a rebound. If I thought he was I never would have introduced him to my family, met his, etc. I've never had a rebound so I don't exactly know what it's supposed to be, but I truly do love him and do see a future with him.

[Coping Vortex]

Wow, that's pretty harsh:( But I understand what you're saying, I've been feeling horribly guilty about the whole thing... Even though I didn't physically cheat, I feel like I emotionally cheated (if that means anything..)

 

I did (and I guess, do) still have feelings for my ex... I knew him for 5 years, was in a serious relationship for 2... He was my first "real" relationship and first love... From what I've gathered from people I've spoken to, somewhere inside you always have feelings on some level for your first love... I know seeing him was wrong, but it didn't come from a place of missing him and outright having feelings for him (at the time, at least). He was a friend long before being my boyfriend and I didn't want to regret never saying goodbye.

 

I don't think my current is a rebound. If I thought he was I never would have introduced him to my family, met his, etc. I've never had a rebound so I don't exactly know what it's supposed to be, but I truly do love him and do see a future with him.

 

You will find on here a lot of posters are black and white when it comes to what is right and wrong. Life isn't always that simple. Feelings can blur that line for some us.

[Jono85]

Wow, that's pretty harsh:( But I understand what you're saying, I've been feeling horribly guilty about the whole thing... Even though I didn't physically cheat, I feel like I emotionally cheated (if that means anything..)

 

I did (and I guess, do) still have feelings for my ex... I knew him for 5 years, was in a serious relationship for 2... He was my first "real" relationship and first love... From what I've gathered from people I've spoken to, somewhere inside you always have feelings on some level for your first love... I know seeing him was wrong, but it didn't come from a place of missing him and outright having feelings for him (at the time, at least). He was a friend long before being my boyfriend and I didn't want to regret never saying goodbye.

 

I don't think my current is a rebound. If I thought he was I never would have introduced him to my family, met his, etc. I've never had a rebound so I don't exactly know what it's supposed to be, but I truly do love him and do see a future with him.

 

well imo, and some might disagree, but i think you should come clean to your current bf. tell him exactly what happened (your ex was moving 7 hours away and wanted to meet up/say goodbye). tell him you briefly missed him and were reminded of the past, but realized all the reasons why you guys broke up, and want to continue on with what you and your current bf have. i say this b/c if I was your current bf, and i found out what happened, i'd dump you for sure. it was very dishonest what you did. i'm being harsh b/c what you did was extremely disrespectful to your current bf. again, imagine he was doing that to you and you found out. would you not be sort of crushed? you guys are supposedly in love and you're going to visit your ex multiple times and talking on the phone all behind your bfs back. just think about it.

 

i think if you were perfectly happy with your current bf, and in love, and saw that future you speak of, you'd be pretty unphased by all of this ex stuff. which you aren't. so that's why i said rebound. just seems like certain things are missing in your current relationship (you mentioned the sex).

[Goodbye Blue Sky]

You will find on here a lot of posters are black and white when it comes to what is right and wrong. Life isn't always that simple. Feelings can blur that line for some us.

 

Thank you, I appreciate that.

 

I know what I did was wrong, but I'm trying my best to not hurt anyone (including myself) and to leave my ex in the past and move forward with my current.

 

I guess this was a misstep, and somehow the fact that he's leaving makes me feel better. Even though I'm in emotional turmoil right now, soon he will be gone and that will be that..

[Coping Vortex]

Thank you, I appreciate that.

 

I know what I did was wrong, but I'm trying my best to not hurt anyone (including myself) and to leave my ex in the past and move forward with my current.

 

I guess this was a misstep, and somehow the fact that he's leaving makes me feel better. Even though I'm in emotional turmoil right now, soon he will be gone and that will be that..

 

I love all my ex's. Even the ones that did me wrong. I would take any of their phone calls and even meet up with them. I hold relationships in life precious. Connecting with someone on any level as you go through life is what is the essence of life.

 

The only think I always felt weird about has been running into an ex that I had a sexual relationship with. You meet them and shake hands and talk small talk. It has always been strange to me. You have been naked with this person, shared their body but now you are shaking their hand like any other stranger. I always found that an odd thing. LOL!!!

[Goodbye Blue Sky]

well imo, and some might disagree, but i think you should come clean to your current bf. tell him exactly what happened (your ex was moving 7 hours away and wanted to meet up/say goodbye). tell him you briefly missed him and were reminded of the past, but realized all the reasons why you guys broke up, and want to continue on with what you and your current bf have. i say this b/c if I was your current bf, and i found out what happened, i'd dump you for sure. it was very dishonest what you did. i'm being harsh b/c what you did was extremely disrespectful to your current bf. again, imagine he was doing that to you and you found out. would you not be sort of crushed? you guys are supposedly in love and you're going to visit your ex multiple times and talking on the phone all behind your bfs back. just think about it.

 

i think if you were perfectly happy with your current bf, and in love, and saw that future you speak of, you'd be pretty unphased by all of this ex stuff. which you aren't. so that's why i said rebound. just seems like certain things are missing in your current relationship (you mentioned the sex).

 

One of the times my ex called and asked me to go out for coffee, I told my boyfriend and asked if he would have minded. He said no, that he was alright with it. I still chose not to go out for coffee with him, simply because I didn't want to... Knowing this, I should have asked my boyfriend if he was okay with it... I just didn't (and don't) want my ex to become a "part" of this relationship, if you know what I mean.

 

I know coming clean to my boyfriend is the noble and "right" thing to do... But it's not the actual, physical meeting that has me feeling so guilty, it's the emotions that were vomited back into my head after seeing my ex that have me feeling so bad.. I feel like telling my boyfriend at this point would make the whole thing seem a lot more dodgy than it actually was and because our relationship is so new I feel like it would cause trust issues that don't need to be there (especially because I don't plan to see my ex again).

 

Or maybe I'm just too scared to tell him:(

[Goodbye Blue Sky]

I love all my ex's. Even the ones that did me wrong. I would take any of their phone calls and even meet up with them. I hold relationships in life precious. Connecting with someone on any level as you go through life is what is the essence of life.

 

The only think I always felt weird about has been running into an ex that I had a sexual relationship with. You meet them and shake hands and talk small talk. It has always been strange to me. You have been naked with this person, shared their body but now you are shaking their hand like any other stranger. I always found that an odd thing. LOL!!!

 

Ha! My ex and I laughed about that when we met up... How bizarre it was to be sitting at a table, chatting like friends when we both knew our relationship was so much more intimate than that.

 

I agree with holding relationships precious - I don't have any contact with any of my other exes (but like I said, that was my first "serious relationship")... The idea of loving someone for so long, then just having them disappear out of your life seems so weird to me

[Coping Vortex]

Ha! My ex and I laughed about that when we met up... How bizarre it was to be sitting at a table, chatting like friends when we both knew our relationship was so much more intimate than that.

 

I agree with holding relationships precious - I don't have any contact with any of my other exes (but like I said, that was my first "serious relationship")... The idea of loving someone for so long, then just having them disappear out of your life seems so weird to me

 

I so agree. I know many people take it as a part of life. But I always held up relationships on a higher level than most. To bond with anyone in life is special. It's tough in a romantic relationship because the only answer is to totally separate. If you ex was just a friend they could always be in your life. Cruel irony that people you bond with on that level you have to forget and never see them again.

[Million.to.1]

I agree with Jono. You should come clean.

 

I also think you should give yourself a bit of a break for these feelings coming up and confusing you now. You could tell your BF about it and if he's a decent sort, I'm sure he will understand.

You got involved with your current A WEEK after ending a "tumultuous" LTR relationship. You never gave yourself time to grieve the loss of your Ex. You just distracted yourself. You were in NC so it was easy. And, you had company, a new romance so you didn't have to feel lonely, and deal with all the different stages of grief.

 

Now that you've had this lunch, all these feelings are being dragged up because you never dealt with them when the relationship ended.

[Goodbye Blue Sky]

I agree with Jono. You should come clean.

 

I also think you should give yourself a bit of a break for these feelings coming up and confusing you now. You could tell your BF about it and if he's a decent sort, I'm sure he will understand.

You got involved with your current A WEEK after ending a "tumultuous" LTR relationship. You never gave yourself time to grieve the loss of your Ex. You just distracted yourself. You were in NC so it was easy. And, you had company, a new romance so you didn't have to feel lonely, and deal with all the different stages of grief.

 

Now that you've had this lunch, all these feelings are being dragged up because you never dealt with them when the relationship ended.

 

The idea of my boyfriend telling me he's confused about his feelings for his ex would make me so paranoid and probably send me running in the opposite direction... I don't know, maybe it's just me, but it seems extremely odd to lament the ex boyfriend with the current boyfriend.. Isn't that what girlfriends are for?

 

As for me needing to deal with these feelings, where do I go from here? I don't want to break up with my boyfriend in order to have that alone-time to deal... I honestly think he's the right guy, weird timing..

 

What good does coming clean about the meeting do? Not trying to sound snarky, but I don't understand what the point is? To make my boyfriend (who already has trust issues) distrust me? To make him paranoid about my ex? To make him paranoid about me lying to him? I honestly, truly don't see what good can come of it.

[Jono85]

The idea of my boyfriend telling me he's confused about his feelings for his ex would make me so paranoid and probably send me running in the opposite direction... I don't know, maybe it's just me, but it seems extremely odd to lament the ex boyfriend with the current boyfriend.. Isn't that what girlfriends are for?

 

As for me needing to deal with these feelings, where do I go from here? I don't want to break up with my boyfriend in order to have that alone-time to deal... I honestly think he's the right guy, weird timing..

 

What good does coming clean about the meeting do? Not trying to sound snarky, but I don't understand what the point is? To make my boyfriend (who already has trust issues) distrust me? To make him paranoid about my ex? To make him paranoid about me lying to him? I honestly, truly don't see what good can come of it.

 

why do you think he has trust issues with you already?? because obviously, as witnessed here, you are a distrustful person. time to be honest with yourself. all you're doing here is proving your bf right for having said trust issues with you. it's not him, it's you. here you have a chance, to be honest, to come clean about this and admit you made a human mistake, and you need us to convince you to tell your bf? as i said, if i found out this stuff on my own (ie my gf not coming to me and fessing up) i would leave her and never allow her back. but if my girlfriend made a mistake, and came and told me she did and felt awful about it, sure i'd be disappointed initially, and a little hurt, but i'll tell you what, i'd be proud of her and happy that she came to me and was honest about everything. it would probably even strengthen our relationship after some time, b/c i'd know that my gf doesn't feel right about hiding things behind my back.

[Goodbye Blue Sky]

why do you think he has trust issues with you already?? because obviously, as witnessed here, you are a distrustful person. time to be honest with yourself. all you're doing here is proving your bf right for having said trust issues with you. it's not him, it's you. here you have a chance, to be honest, to come clean about this and admit you made a human mistake, and you need us to convince you to tell your bf? as i said, if i found out this stuff on my own (ie my gf not coming to me and fessing up) i would leave her and never allow her back. but if my girlfriend made a mistake, and came and told me she did and felt awful about it, sure i'd be disappointed initially, and a little hurt, but i'll tell you what, i'd be proud of her and happy that she came to me and was honest about everything. it would probably even strengthen our relationship after some time, b/c i'd know that my gf doesn't feel right about hiding things behind my back.

 

My boyfriend does not have trust issues because of me. Like I mentioned, we have been together for a very short period of time, hardly enough time for me to warrant his trust issues.

 

Your last sentence resonated with me, this situation is making me very anxious and I do want him to know I don't feel comfortable running around behind his back.

 

By the way, the word is "untrustworthy", not "distrustful".

[Jono85]

By the way, the word is "untrustworthy", not "distrustful".

 

true my bad.

[Million.to.1]

No.

The reason you come clean is because you don't want to do something you'll regret right? You know in your HEAD that seeing your Ex might not be a wise idea with all this confusion. But you saw him and now it's too late. You also know that you don't want to be with him and you don't want him back.

But, you are feeling something... and if you keep it locked inside, it will fester.

 

You didn't go and meet your ex with any intention other than to say goodbye. You weren't planning on these feelings arising.. All things that arose were in the moment and of course it's natural to still feel connected to someone you shared so much of your life with.

 

The fact is, you have a month now of your ex being around. You need to avoid him. You know you don't want to be with him but you know that if you see him, you will get caught up with feelings of nostalgia again, and that will SERIOUSLY jeopardize your current relationship.

 

You have an obligation to be honest with your current if you care about him. If your honest intention is to be in a trusting LTR with him, then you need to be honest about what has happened. If you keep this a secret, then i BET YOU - something will happen again with the ex. More secret messaging/ phone calls/ meet-ups, maybe even sex. You are playing with fire keeping this secret. But if you tell your boyfriend what has happened, you set the standard for YOURSELF. You are moving forward, with him, eyes and heart open.

 

It is perfectly normal and natural to feel these things for your ex. Especially as you NEVER GRIEVED when the relationship ended. It doesn't mean that you should/would/need to/ want to do anything about it, except, move through it. You can't lock it up and pretend it will go away.

Your current boyfriend should be understanding of what has happened. You didn't cheat.. you just got caught up in a moment and a connection that was a big part of your life.

 

How you move forward from here is very important. Keeping it a secret now only provides more reason for paranoia and worry from your current. As of now, there really isn't that much to be paranoid and jealous about, ESPECIALLY, if you explain this kinda thing to him....

 

"I feel like I had moved on, and now I'm thrown back into it"

"I feel guilty for moving on so quickly"

 

and REMEMBER this

 

"I don't think I can mentally or emotionally cope with getting back together with my ex."

BUT "I don't think I'll be able to resist him if I see him again"

 

You can't go backwards now, and grieve. But if you allow your current to know and acknowledge what you are going through and feeling while you make it clear with your actions and intentions that you are committed to being with him, then he cannot be mad at you. You're only human and he is just as much a part of the reason you didn't have the time when your relationship with your ex ended to properly move through what you needed to in order to let the ex go completely.

Edited January 9, 2013 by Million.to.1

[Goodbye Blue Sky]

No.

The reason you come clean is because you don't want to do something you'll regret right? You know in your HEAD that seeing your Ex might not be a wise idea with all this confusion. But you saw him and now it's too late. You also know that you don't want to be with him and you don't want him back.

But, you are feeling something... and if you keep it locked inside, it will fester.

 

You didn't go and meet your ex with any intention other than to say goodbye. You weren't planning on these feelings arising.. All things that arose were in the moment and of course it's natural to still feel connected to someone you shared so much of your life with.

 

The fact is, you have a month now of your ex being around. You need to avoid him. You know you don't want to be with him but you know that if you see him, you will get caught up with feelings of nostalgia again, and that will SERIOUSLY jeopardize your current relationship.

 

You have an obligation to be honest with your current if you care about him. If your honest intention is to be in a trusting LTR with him, then you need to be honest about what has happened. If you keep this a secret, then i BET YOU - something will happen again with the ex. More secret messaging/ phone calls/ meet-ups, maybe even sex. You are playing with fire keeping this secret. But if you tell your boyfriend what has happened, you set the standard for YOURSELF. You are moving forward, with him, eyes and heart open.

 

It is perfectly normal and natural to feel these things for your ex. Especially as you NEVER GRIEVED when the relationship ended. It doesn't mean that you should/would/need to/ want to do anything about it, except, move through it. You can't lock it up and pretend it will go away.

Your current boyfriend should be understanding of what has happened. You didn't cheat.. you just got caught up in a moment and a connection that was a big part of your life.

 

How you move forward from here is very important. Keeping it a secret now only provides more reason for paranoia and worry from your current. As of now, there really isn't that much to be paranoid and jealous about, ESPECIALLY, if you explain this kinda thing to him....

 

"I feel like I had moved on, and now I'm thrown back into it"

"I feel guilty for moving on so quickly"

 

and REMEMBER this

 

"I don't think I can mentally or emotionally cope with getting back together with my ex."

BUT "I don't think I'll be able to resist him if I see him again"

 

You can't go backwards now, and grieve. But if you allow your current to know and acknowledge what you are going through and feeling while you make it clear with your actions and intentions that you are committed to being with him, then he cannot be mad at you. You're only human and he is just as much a part of the reason you didn't have the time when your relationship with your ex ended to properly move through what you needed to in order to let the ex go completely.

 

Thank you so, so much for this reply. I'm in tears (but it's a good thing)..

 

I agree 100%, treating this situation like it's dodgy, suspicious and something to hide will allow it to grow into something that is actually dodgy.

 

I guess I'm so nervous about talking to my boyfriend about this because this will be the first real thing we've ever had to talk about. Up until now, it's been smooth sailing, no fights, no insecurities have been raised, no jealousy etc. I haven't seen him sad or angry... Usually when you're with someone you can gauge what their reaction will be, but I'm going in blind. All I know is he has trust issues and I'm petrified that this will make him insecure, especially because I know he has no reason to be.

 

Also regarding his part in this... I've never actually thought about that. The first time we kissed he knew I had just come out of a bad relationship, but we've hardly ever talked about my ex. I guess it was that whole "Don't talk about an ex on the first date" thing, I'm still getting used to the fact I'm not being courted any more, we're actually in a relationship and we should talk about these things.

[Million.to.1]

I promise you that it will only strengthen your current relationship and will help you personally, moving on from your ex for good.

 

i think your BF will see that you truly care about him by being honest with him about it.

 

Please let us know how it goes and if you need any help, we're here.

Edited January 10, 2013 by Million.to.1

[christine07]

Its super hard for me to forget about my EX as well, we had tons of problems and yes it was the best sex,as well and my first BF.

 

Trust me, I have been thinking about mine for the past 3.5 years. But thats because I have been LETTING myself think of him. You cant let your emotions get the best of you. You have said multiple times you dont want to get back together with him. Yes, you and him will always have a connection but you need to choose how this connection works. On what level.

 

Who broke up with who btw... I'm almost wondering if he told you he was moving away to spark an emotion out of you/knew you would want to see him because of it

[Goodbye Blue Sky]

Its super hard for me to forget about my EX as well, we had tons of problems and yes it was the best sex,as well and my first BF.

 

Trust me, I have been thinking about mine for the past 3.5 years. But thats because I have been LETTING myself think of him. You cant let your emotions get the best of you. You have said multiple times you dont want to get back together with him. Yes, you and him will always have a connection but you need to choose how this connection works. On what level.

 

Who broke up with who btw... I'm almost wondering if he told you he was moving away to spark an emotion out of you/knew you would want to see him because of it

 

He broke up with me... After 2 weeks of NC, he asked me out and begged me to get back together with him.

 

I wouldn't put it past him to do that...