Author M30USA Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 You can't control what happens during her time with your kids. But you have complete control over what happens during your time. Keep everything as positive, stable, and nurturing as you can (including what you say about their mom and her family). Keep meticulous records of anything that their mom does that might change the opinion of the courts. And make sure that you don't do anything that she can make record of. I have a friend who did exactly that, and the mentally ill parent was unable to keep it together forever. In time, the custody situation switched. It took a few years, but it happened. I would agree with you but my ex-wife has her parents constantly buffering her behavior and protecting her from all consequences. "Family first", they say.
TaraMaiden Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I'm only conversant with one particular religion and my relevant anecdote is that my father had to petition the Catholic church for an annulment on the grounds of abandonment to have his first marriage 'ended' officially in the church so he could remarry within the church should he so have chosen. His first wife left him and took his daughters and took up with another man while he was fighting in Italy in WW2. That's probably outdated, but then again the Catholic church as been around for millennia and things change slowly. I still have his correspondence with his exW and the church. His petition was granted. I also had to have my first (Registry office, to a non-Catholic) marriage annulled, before being allowed a Nuptial Mass in a Catholic Church. I then, after 26 years, divorced the man I married in a Catholic church.... but never sought to annul that marriage, because I had no intention of either ever marrying, and particularly, of marrying in church, again. Well, I married again, but it was a Civil Ceremony, so I suppose in the eyes of the Catholic Church, I'm a bigamist. Trust me.... I'm not.......
xxoo Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 (edited) I would agree with you but my ex-wife has her parents constantly buffering her behavior and protecting her from all consequences. "Family first", they say. I promise you, if she is truly mentally ill, she won't be able to keep up appearances forever. Trust. The truth comes out! Especially as kids get older, it is increasingly difficult for adults to cover up dysfunction. I can not stress how important it was for my friend to keep an impeccable record with the courts. Zero instances of dysfunction or retaliation on my friend's end, no matter what was going on in the other home. All action taken was through the proper channels (lawyer to lawyer, and through the courts), and only when things were clearly beyond acceptable in the other home. Edited January 9, 2013 by xxoo
Author M30USA Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 I promise you, if she is truly mentally ill, she won't be able to keep up appearances forever. Trust. The truth comes out! Especially as kids get older, it is increasingly difficult for adults to cover up dysfunction. I can not stress how important it was for my friend to keep an impeccable record with the courts. Zero instances of dysfunction or retaliation on my friend's end, no matter what was going on in the other home. All action taken was through the proper channels (lawyer to lawyer, and through the courts), and only when things were clearly beyond acceptable in the other home. What kind of records? My understanding is courts only consider photos, audio/video recordings, emails, and professional medical/psych records. Everything else is hearsay.
TaraMaiden Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Whatever conditions or restrictions (if any) the court placed on you - stick to them like glue. Let your behaviour with her, her family and anyone else "on that side" be impeccable and beyond reproach. When she finally shoots herself in the foot, and tries to blame it on you - they might say a lot, but will have to back it up. Don't even give them a whiff of being able to do that..... 2
Author M30USA Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 Whatever conditions or restrictions (if any) the court placed on you - stick to them like glue. Let your behaviour with her, her family and anyone else "on that side" be impeccable and beyond reproach. When she finally shoots herself in the foot, and tries to blame it on you - they might say a lot, but will have to back it up. Don't even give them a whiff of being able to do that..... That's precisely why her parents are covering for her ass--because she's like a 5 year old in an adult body, and they know it. But what happens when her dad passes away? Can't cover the princess forever.
xxoo Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 What kind of records? My understanding is courts only consider photos, audio/video recordings, emails, and professional medical/psych records. Everything else is hearsay. In their case, it was mostly emails and voicemails (many instances of "blowing up" the phone and leaving ranting voicemails....don't do that!). Things won't stay as they are for years. Mentally ill people can only keep up "best behavior" for a while before they lose it. And when they do, you ride it out like a mountain in the storm, steady and calm, and keep records.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 That's precisely why her parents are covering for her ass--because she's like a 5 year old in an adult body, and they know it. But what happens when her dad passes away? Can't cover the princess forever. Her personal issues and her relationship with her family are no longer your concern. Your kids are your concern. Follow xxoo's advice. I'm still perplexed about why you don't live more near to them. If you want to go back to court about the custody, get with your lawyer.
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