Almond_Joy Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Hi everyone, My bf and I have been together over a year. He's kept in touch with his ex ever since they broke up. I don't think anything's going on, but it bothers me a lot that they text. Mostly because the woman seems a bit intrusive and odd. He says she's asked if we could have dinner together (like me him and her 0.o ), offered to lend me warm clothing when we recently went out of town for the holidays (the woman's never met me) and things like that.... I don't want this woman knowing anything about our relationship. He says she was manic depressive and he's admitted he's afraid of her because she acted crazy when they were together. From what I've heard it sounds like she's got an explosive temper also. I guess he's scared she'll stalk him or damage his property if he starts ignoring her.....but I don't think that makes it acceptable for this woman to be privy to whatever we do in this relationship as a result of that. She didn't treat him well, he said he doesn't ever want to be with her again, and really they have no ties legal or financial or anything like that. I have no problem confronting her myself, but I think it would be inappropriate for me to handle it. I also don't know if it's really appropriate for me to ask him to stop talking to her, since there's nothing romantic going on. Just looking for some perspectives here. I value my privacy and it bothers me a lot that this woman could know personal things about me because my bf won't stop talking to her. Am I within my rights to ask him to stop communicating with her?
newmoon Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 imo you are within your rights to ask him to cut off communications with this person. regardless of her mental state or whatever concerns he may have, you have been with him over a year, that is much too long for him to still be communicating with an ex, even one who he might 'think' needs his support. ask him to stop because of exactly what you mentioned in your posting. if he cannot let go of this person than perhaps you suggest they get back together or that he take up a career as a therapist, because that is what he is providing this woman right now, but at your expense. he is definitely to blame - imo when someone doesn't cut ties to an ex it is because they are gaining from the relationship in some way too. perhaps your bf really likes feeling needed/appreciated/wanted by this person. some guys dig needy women
CC12 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Am I within my rights to ask him to stop communicating with her? Eh. I don't know. It seems a little controlling to dictate who your significant other is allowed to speak to. I do think you are absolutely within your right to request that he stops talking to her about you and your relationship. There's really no reason for him to give her status updates or whatever about your relationship, unless he has absolutely no one else to confide in. Does he have other friends or family he can talk to if he needs someone to lend an ear? I have no problem confronting her myself, but I think it would be inappropriate for me to handle it It would be inappropriate. Let him handle it. Tell him you don't like her knowing things about you, that you don't want to meet her or have anything to do with her, and that it honestly bothers you that he's still buddy-buddy with her. Like I said, I don't think you should ask or imply that he stop speaking to her, but at least he'll know how you feel about it, and his reaction will tell you a lot.
Author Almond_Joy Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 Thank you both for your responses.
tnewell Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Im kinda in the same predictment I been with this guy almost a year he dont want me to have friends go out or have a social life sometimes I feel like he rigjt because not staying to yoursef can start alot of crap cause people is wierd these days but he dont give me space he want me to stay in the house and watch and hear him sneaking around texting his exes and then erase it I think that is cheating to text your exes and women that I found out u tried to get with. I do love him because besides that we got a good relationship but it really bothers me watching him texting m afraid one day he will cheat and I will feel stupid for not ending it sooner so I be flirting to protect my feelings I cant get relaxed with the relationship everytime I leave he stop eating and takinin care his self so thats why I come back cause I dont want him to get sick like he think im wrong for leaving but I cant get him to stop he keep promising he will until he get caught again he said he wanna marry me and he do give me anything and make sure we have everything we need inwith his income while I find work and I appreciate that so I will always help him if he need but I wanna just be friends but I cant stay mad at people gor long and thats why people use and abuse me and I allow them too cause I dont know what love is
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