crashvector Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I HATE it when people say that. Let me tell you the sad truth: When you are in love with someone and they leave, its NEVER over. You move on because you HAVE to, but you take a piece of them with you in your heart wherever you go. No, time DOESN'T make it "better"....you just learn to compartmentalize the pain you live with...knowing that the person you wanted to spend the rest of your LIFE with is out there somewhere with someone ELSE....kissing them, hugging them, making love to them, etc. so..no...time most definitely does NOT make me forget. I CANT forget. I can never forget that the woman I wanted to grow old with and share my life with it still out there....and that I will NEVER be with the woman that I loved with all my heart...the woman I was prepared to DIE for if it was necessary. Eventually, yeah...I'll learn to push the pain somewhere deep down inside where I don't actually feel it all the time, but it will be there. Forever.
Samilia Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Sure it does make it better. It helps you mend your heart, you won't feel like day one, you'll get back on track, meet someone else. I don't believe in soul mates, I think there are billion people, a few of them got to make you happy. Or you can stay hooked on the pain and take baths in it. But I wouldn't. 1
Author crashvector Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 Sure it does make it better. It helps you mend your heart, you won't feel like day one, you'll get back on track, meet someone else. I don't believe in soul mates, I think there are billion people, a few of them got to make you happy. Or you can stay hooked on the pain and take baths in it. But I wouldn't. I wish it could be different for me, but its not. There are reasons why, but I wont get into that here. Sure, with time, I learn how to push the pain farther down, but I never forget it or get rid of it.
stevie_23 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 No, I disagree. It DOES get better. “Better” meaning you forget some of the immediate, acute pain you felt at first. It becomes further away. And then it REALLY gets better when you actually find someone else to feel excited and alive about. THAT is when you are ok again.
Author crashvector Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 No, I disagree. It DOES get better. “Better” meaning you forget some of the immediate, acute pain you felt at first. It becomes further away. And then it REALLY gets better when you actually find someone else to feel excited and alive about. THAT is when you are ok again. Yes, eventually, I'll find someone else. But no..the pain never goes away...i just learn to hide it. Trust me.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 To get better with time you really need to help yourself first... No one can help you but yourself. At the beginning was set on never heing from him. Couldn't live my life without him. It will never be the same. No matter how much people told me about time healing I wouldn't listen. But one day I just told myself. Live your life like you normally would without him. If his my soulmate he will come back... If his not then there's someone else out there! I'm trying my hardest to move on. It's a little better in terms of I'm doin what I normally would and talking to friends. there are still weak moments when I cry about my Lost love. But I try keep thinking it wasnt meant to be 1
Author crashvector Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 Um...okay...I'll divulge. My emotional system doesnt work like yours does. I have bipolar disorder...the hurt never goes away.
Allumere Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I'd like to find the yahoo that came up with that wisdom so I can shove "time" where there is no sun. This I feel is more accurate for many: “It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” ― Rose Kennedy If I hear about time or that I will have become stronger, smarter again I will beat someone.....seriously, it won't be pretty. 2
Author crashvector Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 I'd like to find the yahoo that came up with that wisdom so I can shove "time" where there is no sun. This I feel is more accurate for many: “It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” ― Rose Kennedy If I hear about time or that I will have become stronger, smarter again I will beat someone.....seriously, it won't be pretty. I could use a good beating...so...you will become stronger, dont worry. lol 1
na49 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Well you're right. Watching the calender go by and sitting inside crying your eyes out all day every day doesn't help anything. Taking the necessary steps to move on WITH time is what people mean when they say "it takes time". If you have to grieve over your loss for the rest of your life, you can honestly do that. You'd be missing out on a lot of great opportunities, but in that case, time really isn't helping you do anything.
Jono85 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 meh, i got my heart broken dec 2010. i posted about it all throughout 2011 on here. in fact even when i was with my next girlfriend (the one that destroyed me recently) for the first 5 or 6 months i was still posting on here about my ex from 2010. i even have a christmas/holiday thread in 2011 (a year later and NC, and 6 months or so into my new relationship) where i was posting about keeping NC through the holidays with my EX (ie. not wishing her merry christmas/HNY). well guess what, sometime early in 2012 (not even a few months after the christmas thread 2011), i began to forget about that ex. i even fell in love with my new gf, and she ended up hurting me pretty bad in 2012 (still grieving). it was my own fault, as i hurt her all throughout 2011 b/c i couldn't fully commit to her and broke up with her a couple times (likely b/c i wasn't over my ex from 2010). point is, i'm completely over that 2010 ex. there is not any pain associated with it anymore. 100% of my pain stems from my recent ex (lucky me! lol). imo when you fall in love with someone else, and your feelings are no longer invested in your ex, you're able to look at the relationship objectively and easily pinpoint why you weren't a great fit.
MyAngel Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I can only imagine it makes it harder with your bipolar disorder. I don't know much about it I'm sorry. I agree with Allumere'd quote. The wounds are still there. You never forget. But you do learn to deal with it.
suladas Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 (edited) I agree you will never completely forget, but I think it gets to a point it doesn't really hurt anymore and you accept that you'll never be back together. It's been 6 months for me and the pain is much much lower, even in my down times then it was 6 months ago, in fact some days I don't think I have any pain really, just thoughts of her. At that time I would cry daily, could never sleep, etc. So in a way time does heal, but I don't think it ever fully heals it, i'm sure there will always be a small part of you that cares about that person. Plus you accept your life without them, and eventually realize it's not that bad without them. This was my first, I don't know if this will end up happening but I told myself it will be the last time I grieve so much about a relationship. When it likely happens again, I will just move on and forget them, like they never existed. Can't say for sure if it will happen, but pushing myself for it because life is too short to worry about people who don't want to be in your life. Edited January 9, 2013 by suladas
stevie_23 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Yes, eventually, I'll find someone else. But no..the pain never goes away...i just learn to hide it. Trust me. I still disagree and I would ask that you trust ME on this one. When you do eventually find someone else, it will only be because you want to. Because you are ready and you won't even notice or know you're ready until you suddenly realise HEY...I have feelings for this person! And the pain will not just be hidden by this point. It will be compartmentalised, yes, in a little box put away somewhere inside you, but this new person's feelings and interactions with you combined with your own improved and stabilised feelings about yourself by this time, will make it so that pain is just not RELEVANT. 1
FailedFirstLove Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Everyone is without a doubt different which means they will heal differently. But it seems like your so set on not healing. If you constantly think you won't heal then you most likely won't heal. Why do you want to put yourself in constant pain? She doesn't feel your pain and won't do anything about it. Try look at it from her perspective maybe? she let you go because it wasnt going to work. And maybe u will understand why she did that.
Author crashvector Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 Everyone is without a doubt different which means they will heal differently. But it seems like your so set on not healing. If you constantly think you won't heal then you most likely won't heal. Why do you want to put yourself in constant pain? She doesn't feel your pain and won't do anything about it. Try look at it from her perspective maybe? she let you go because it wasnt going to work. And maybe u will understand why she did that. No..in reality, I'd give a KIDNEY to get over her.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 First step would probably be to accept that healing will take time. And by healing it won't fully heal... There will always be a scar but heal enough to look back and not hurt so much. I'm impatient at this healing process because I'm so sick of being emotional and going back and forth. How ever I don't see any other way... His not coming back. So I can't be happy that way. If we hope to be happy again we have to learn to be happy without them. This sucks really bad. When a memory or dream pops up of him I cry my eyes out in pain. but not like they will care whether we're dying inside or not. How did u deal with your divorce with ur ex wife? you must be just as bad as this time around. And that ones healed to a certain point right?
LostOne1 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I been there man. I got tired of time too. It felt like forever and even now at 6 months.. still not healed. Yeah it bothers me, but I guess I just don't care some days. And sure some days I do. I find music and working out Helps A LOT. I guess working out creates something in your body to make you feel better. But it's tough man and I just tell myself that this is life. And this is how it is and I can't do much. And if life wants things to play out however.. I just gotta go with the flow.
Samilia Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Well some people think that if they keep the pain alive, the love they had will stay alive too. Like it makes it more real, worthy, precious or valuable, etc... Personally I know break ups and rejections suck, but I wouldn't put my life to a stop for it. Nor would I enjoy being in pain and suffering.
Mr.White Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I HATE it when people say that. Let me tell you the sad truth: When you are in love with someone and they leave, its NEVER over. You move on because you HAVE to, but you take a piece of them with you in your heart wherever you go. No, time DOESN'T make it "better"....you just learn to compartmentalize the pain you live with...knowing that the person you wanted to spend the rest of your LIFE with is out there somewhere with someone ELSE....kissing them, hugging them, making love to them, etc. so..no...time most definitely does NOT make me forget. I CANT forget. I can never forget that the woman I wanted to grow old with and share my life with it still out there....and that I will NEVER be with the woman that I loved with all my heart...the woman I was prepared to DIE for if it was necessary. Eventually, yeah...I'll learn to push the pain somewhere deep down inside where I don't actually feel it all the time, but it will be there. Forever. Crash, the pain will stay with you. Whether it withers and fades is certainly up to you if you are moving on. With the level of commitment you made to this woman I say you will need a longer coping time than others. I believe people learn how to deal with the pain of losing their partner, then they get used to it. You don't have to forget about them but take it as a lesson learned for self- improvement. You will have to accept that they are no longer yours whether you want to or not, the sooner you do the sooner the pain will fade. Patience is a virtue.
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