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Just want to vent! Broke NC after 8 days and I hate myself!!!

movingon45

By movingon45
in The Other Man / Woman

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movingon45 Established Member

movingon45

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Hi,

 

I just want to vent about how stupid I feel. I'm not like this. I have never chased a guy. I'm actually a catch:cool:.

 

I had a short lived A with a college bf. No d-day. I broke it off and went on LC. He'd always respond to my text, but never engage continuosly like before. He greeted me on my bday. Didn't respond to my Merry Christmas. We didn't greet on New Years.

 

Now after 8 days of hell of NC, I texted him because I miss him! I miss the friendship and the attention. I just said hi and there was no response. It's soooo hard! But, his no response actually makes it easier for me to let go I think because now I know there can be no friendship. What was I thinking anyway? I hate him and I hate myself.

 

I deleted him from my contact and I deleted my Instagram.

 

Hopefully I'll forgive myself from being such a fool. Sad to let him go. Miss the intellectual and witty exchange, but now I'm reading "grooming" from this thread so maybe that was what it was and now there's nothing.

 

Thanks for reading.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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Forgive yourself.

 

Everything is fine. ;)

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movingon45 Established Member

movingon45

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Thanks!!! I hope so. I just have to think of him as dead and grieve.

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Lillyfree Established Member

Lillyfree

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don't beat yourself up, breaking NC happens. i know from experience :p

 

good thing is: you've done it, and realised you shouldn't have. pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and back to it. heck, you might do it again... and then you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and back to it - again. no biggie ;)

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ThatJustHappened Established Member

ThatJustHappened

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It happens..I've done it too. Back to day one..and soon you'll stop counting because it won't matter. :)

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loredo21 Established Member

loredo21

Posted
Posted
Hi,

 

I just want to vent about how stupid I feel. I'm not like this. I have never chased a guy. I'm actually a catch:cool:.

 

I had a short lived A with a college bf. No d-day. I broke it off and went on LC. He'd always respond to my text, but never engage continuosly like before. He greeted me on my bday. Didn't respond to my Merry Christmas. We didn't greet on New Years.

 

Now after 8 days of hell of NC, I texted him because I miss him! I miss the friendship and the attention. I just said hi and there was no response. It's soooo hard! But, his no response actually makes it easier for me to let go I think because now I know there can be no friendship. What was I thinking anyway? I hate him and I hate myself.

 

I deleted him from my contact and I deleted my Instagram.

 

Hopefully I'll forgive myself from being such a fool. Sad to let him go. Miss the intellectual and witty exchange, but now I'm reading "grooming" from this thread so maybe that was what it was and now there's nothing.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

I know exactly how you feel. The non-response is the absolute worst. I think what bothers me and gets to me the most is the rejection aspect. I apparently have a huge problem with rejection. In general everyday life as well. But with the AP it is like a dagger in the heart. Then the regret you feel the next day after no response. It can really make you feel stupid. But you're not. I'm not. We're not. We're human. It is hard for women especially to shut it off and let go completely whereas for men it seems as though they can just cut it off, move on with their lives, and never think about it again. (I hope that is not true and just a front they have to put on)...

I need to read the grooming thread. Do you have a link?

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Lillyfree Established Member

Lillyfree

Posted
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i broke contact by drunk-texting on boxing day. it was a complete disaster and i was initially mortified.

 

but it helped. as after weeks of NC i started making excuses for him and justifying his sh*tty behaviour. when he replied, and the replies were as what should have been expected... i realised i've got nothing to look for there.

 

and then i realised i don't care what he thinks anymore... that helped with feeling embarrassed and beating myself up over contacting him.

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movingon45 Established Member

movingon45

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I know exactly how you feel. The non-response is the absolute worst. I think what bothers me and gets to me the most is the rejection aspect. I apparently have a huge problem with rejection. In general everyday life as well. But with the AP it is like a dagger in the heart. Then the regret you feel the next day after no response. It can really make you feel stupid. But you're not. I'm not. We're not. We're human. It is hard for women especially to shut it off and let go completely whereas for men it seems as though they can just cut it off, move on with their lives, and never think about it again. (I hope that is not true and just a front they have to put on)...

I need to read the grooming thread. Do you have a link?

 

 

It's like I wrote your post!!! It's the rejection, yes, and the pride and dignity! Yes, I beat myself up wondering why he can just go NC so easily. We've been on and off even in college and he can go NC for 3 months straight and then we get back together. It's time to break this cycle now that we're both married.

 

Re "grooming" I just read about it being mentioned. No particular thread on that matter, I think. You can just search "grooming".

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movingon45 Established Member

movingon45

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i broke contact by drunk-texting on boxing day. it was a complete disaster and i was initially mortified.

 

but it helped. as after weeks of NC i started making excuses for him and justifying his sh*tty behaviour. when he replied, and the replies were as what should have been expected... i realised i've got nothing to look for there.

 

and then i realised i don't care what he thinks anymore... that helped with feeling embarrassed and beating myself up over contacting him.

 

Yes, then it's like closure - nothing more out there.

Catplates Established Member

Catplates

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It's not the end of the world. IN fact it's a new beginning for you.

 

I broke NC heaps of times . YOu might again too.

 

JUst keep trying.

 

Cat

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movingon45 Established Member

movingon45

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It's not the end of the world. IN fact it's a new beginning for you.

 

I broke NC heaps of times . YOu might again too.

 

JUst keep trying.

 

Cat

 

You're so right about the new beginning. I think I did NC to give us time to heal, and secretly I was hoping that he'll miss me. Even though it hurts, I'm glad to finally be free from hoping that he'll pursue me after I broke our A. My consolation is that we had some closure from our on and off relationship back in college and that we didn't have to go through d-day with our partners when we had our short lived A last year.

 

Every day I just tell myself that he's dead so I can move on. Yesterday, I found myself saying "I hate you" (him) several times and that made me felt good.

Lillyfree Established Member

Lillyfree

Posted
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You're so right about the new beginning. I think I did NC to give us time to heal, and secretly I was hoping that he'll miss me. Even though it hurts, I'm glad to finally be free from hoping that he'll pursue me after I broke our A. My consolation is that we had some closure from our on and off relationship back in college and that we didn't have to go through d-day with our partners when we had our short lived A last year.

 

Every day I just tell myself that he's dead so I can move on. Yesterday, I found myself saying "I hate you" (him) several times and that made me felt good.

 

you do what you need to to heal. from now on, it's about you. it's your time to come first.

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NotDoneYet New Member

NotDoneYet

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Fill the void by having that intellectual and witty conversation with your husband. Confess the affair now before he finds out from someone else, and since you hate yourself for it, confess so you only have to confess to a short affair. Be remorseful, and willing to do whatever it takes to regain his trust. If you love him he deserves to know, and if you're truly remorseful and he loves you he'll forgive you. Affairs are poison, and even if he doesn't know, he'll feel something's wrong. It'll be evident in your mood or your distance.

 

There's something wrong, either with your self-esteem or your marriage. Invest your energy in figuring that out, it'll ease your pain more than any affair ever could.

BrokenPrincess Established Member

BrokenPrincess

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Maybe I shouldn't have been reading this before bed last night...I actually dreamt that I decided to email xMM a short little note very late at night, and in my dream was agonizing about how I'd have to confess on LS that I broke NC after 3 treacherous months if silence. LOL

 

Unfortunately then in my dream he wrote back immediayely & then showed up at my house and said he'd thought about me every single day and missed me more than he would have ever imagined.

 

Try not to beat yourself up. I know it's aggravating but every day it hurts a little less (except when you wake up dreaming about your A and Loveshack holding you accountable)

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movingon45 Established Member

movingon45

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Very funny dream lol. Yes I've been good. It really helped that I broke the NC and that he didn't respond because I can finally say that it's all over. No more hopes. I think of him as dead and never coming back. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

pandorabox New Member

pandorabox

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We all do it. And usually at the wrong time. Mine would be drunken .txt at night time. MM FORGIVES but I'm always scared to look what the hack did i do txt this time lol

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missy268 Established Member

missy268

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Don't beat yourself up too much - I too have broken NC about 6 million times (Okay slight exaggeration but you know what i mean)

 

At the moment me and ex AP are having contact at work as he's one of the managers but nothing outside (i've worked with him this morning actually, and it was fine)

 

I'm home from work, and i feel fine and i'm getting on with my day - BIG thing for me

 

You will get there x x

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movingon45 Established Member

movingon45

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Thanks for all the encouragement. This forum is awesome.

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