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He broke up with me

tigressA

By tigressA
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melodymatters Established Member

melodymatters

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Lets not confuse strong coping mechanisms with dysfunction. I can be 100% committed and in love, but if someone either hurts me by their bad behaviour, or they tell me they no longer value me, ie a break up, I get over it quickly and rather easily because to me the point of a relationship is the BEST FRIENDS, HE TOTALLY GETS ME WE, ARE BOTH 100% IN ! feeling.

 

IF he doesn't think I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread, I really LOSE that "lovin' feelin' " pretty easily.

 

This does NOT mean my heart is shallow. When my late H died after only 9 months of marriage I was DESTROYED for 2 yrs. HE didn't want to leave, HE didn't stop loving me or treating me well, it was the cruel hand of fate. But in the previous 6 yr R when he was being dicky, it was like Over and out, no problem.

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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When I first started posting on LS, I was ignored like that as was tigressa and anyone else. If you stick around and regularly post your dilemmas, same will happen. Any internet forum has a "clique" of regular posters. It's like "Why is the sky blue?".

 

P.S. I was referring to posts from previous page

Edited by Eternal Sunshine
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Nightsky Established Member

Nightsky

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When I first started posting on LS, I was ignored like that as was tigressa and anyone else. If you stick around and regularly post your dilemmas, same will happen. Any internet forum has a "clique" of regular posters. It's like "Why is the sky blue?".

 

P.S. I was referring to posts from previous page

 

I wish I was ignored many of my posts get deleted and as of recent my threads shut down...

suladas Established Member

suladas

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I wish I was ignored many of my posts get deleted and as of recent my threads shut down...

 

Wonder why.....

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tigressA Established Member

tigressA

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Work went okay today. I got through the whole day. I was a little distracted though. I kept thinking of everything...I just felt really cold and I was hurting, physically. Stomach, shoulders, back. I haven't cried since Wednesday. I feel like there's some dam there that will burst later--I feel like there's more pain that needs to be released but it's still inside me and it's making me ache.

 

I also feel kind of numb at turns...like right now. I'm all ready to go out with my friends for the night and I don't really feel anything. I am wondering if I should drink anything--I might turn into a disaster. The alcohol might burst the dam and I'll just ruin everyone's night by being a crying mess. Even one drink could undo me; I have a low tolerance.

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kaylan Established Member

kaylan

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When we were discussing the OKC incident, I remember I had said something that he had misinterpreted.

 

I was explaining the reasons why, in my experience, I would see something like what I saw with regard to his profile and he wrongly assumed I was insulting him, so he came back with saying that I was a downgrade from his two previous girlfriends. I can't recall what he said to explain why, and when I got to talk again and say he misinterpreted me, he did apologize. But I never forgot that.

 

And with Pantygate, when we were discussing that--he wanted an explanation from me before he declared it a dead issue, but he was demanding it. He was being very curt, very brusque, and I think he knew (he knew me fairly well; I revealed a lot to him) that that would trip me up and I wouldn't be able to or willing to produce one with how he was prodding me, thus giving him an automatic out.

Yet you continued to see him? Why? Why disrespect yourself by allowing him to disrespect you? Especially in the early going someone shouldnt say something as rude and hurtful as that.

 

Id be done with a woman faster than superman or the flash if a chick ever said something like that to me.

 

Again, I cant understand you gals sometimes.

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nessaaa Established Member

nessaaa

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Give yourself a break and realize that u just liked the idea of being in a relationship.

Youd settle with anything. Your relationship hungry my wuv.

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nessaaa Established Member

nessaaa

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"guys aint sh*t but h0es and tricks"

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Nightsky Established Member

Nightsky

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Guys I just gotta confess this thread has been breaking my heart all week.

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nessaaa Established Member

nessaaa

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Guys I just gotta confess this thread has been breaking my heart all week.

 

 

Get a grip weak sauce

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Nightsky Established Member

Nightsky

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Get a grip weak sauce

 

Some times I find myself crying at sad parts in movies and tv shows and that's not even real. "He broke up with me" is real, and I'm not afraid to admit it I cry a little every time I see the title.

nessaaa Established Member

nessaaa

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Some times I find myself crying at sad parts in movies and tv shows and that's not even real. "He broke up with me" is real, and I'm not afraid to admit it I cry a little every time I see the title.

 

 

I wish i can hug u and tell u its okay.

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tigressA Established Member

tigressA

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I'm home. I'm drunk still :laugh:

 

It was a really fun night. I didn't cry at all! Actually I ranted a little bit about what went down and I looked up his OKC profile on my friend's phone and read it aloud, mocking it and my friend was laughing a lot. I didn't talk about him all that much and I didn't get too down over it. When I was growing thoughtful and quiet my friends did well in bringing me out of it.

 

I had 4 drinks which is more than my usual and I danced and laughed and dug up some work gossip (I was out with my work friends). It was just really fun. I needed it. I feel pretty happy right now.

Nightsky Established Member

Nightsky

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few thanks for this update I'll stop shivering from all the crying soon I hope. This update cheered me up.

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tigressA Established Member

tigressA

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I woke up uncommonly early after last night's carousing. I've been reading, but I still can't get my mind off him. No crying, no physical pain, just...all these memories flooding my head, good and bad. I remember being glad last night that I deleted all traces of his number from my phone because I was facing the temptation to contact him when I was drunk. I could've emailed (I still remember his email) or Facebooked him when I got home but I didn't. So strong, eh?

 

I keep thinking of next weekend. He was supposed to be here with me. I still want him to come, isn't that ridiculous? Our last two conversations I kept bringing it up, mentioning that I still wanted him to come, for one last...whatever. Logically I know that if he were to come it would really set back my healing and just make me feel even worse...and I'd also feel really crappy if I invited him and he declined.

 

I'm just doing my best to keep hold of my dignity and not harbor any illusions of being strong enough to handle contacting him or seeing him again.

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tigressA Established Member

tigressA

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I got weak...

 

Sent him an email earlier. Told him I'd still like to see him next weekend. No response yet. I just feel embarrassed now--even if he responds in the affirmative I won't be answering it. I can't do it. I don't know what I was thinking, sending that. I'm ashamed of myself, offering myself up for crumbs.

 

I feel like such an idiot. I was doing so well and then I just up and do that. I'm not upset about him not answering; I'm just hating on myself for succumbing to weakness.

 

I must exercise greater restraint.

kaylan Established Member

kaylan

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Have some self respect man. Youre basically telling this guy "You can get away with your crappy behavior and use me for sex and companionship because I dont respect myself and neither should you. Please come visit...use my body...use my heart...and then slither away because I dont know any better than running back to you and negating our breakup".

 

Have some dignity girl. You sure do sound very weak for someone who always used to talk big about getting the guys she wanted, when she wanted...and being able to use guys and toss them aside.

 

I think someone else mentioned it earlier. This is perhaps Karma.

 

Please grow a pair. Im not gonna pull punches with you right now. You need to wo-man up. Real talk, sunshine. When my close friends act weak like this, I stop with the understanding bullcrap and break it down bluntly for them.

Edited by kaylan
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Ninjainpajamas Established Member

Ninjainpajamas

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I got weak...

 

Sent him an email earlier. Told him I'd still like to see him next weekend. No response yet. I just feel embarrassed now--even if he responds in the affirmative I won't be answering it. I can't do it. I don't know what I was thinking, sending that. I'm ashamed of myself, offering myself up for crumbs.

 

I feel like such an idiot. I was doing so well and then I just up and do that. I'm not upset about him not answering; I'm just hating on myself for succumbing to weakness.

 

I must exercise greater restraint.

 

It is the decisions we make in times of weakness and despair that define us the most...for it is easy to make the right decisions when they are easy or when we are strongest.

 

Those moments will always show us how much we've truly changed.

 

Remember that you are making decisions for yourself in your own best interest, you are putting you first even if it may feel like you are doing the opposite...and often times that may feel impossible, or even completely heart-breaking but choosing what is right for you is essentially you saving you from yourself.

 

You know what you have to do...you know what you truly need...protect yourself from slipping back into that black hole where you are drowned in your issues unable to reason or fight with yourself. Because you're letting your own hand go, not anybody else.

 

Don't give up on yourself, don't see a wall or only one possibility, give yourself more credit than that...challenge yourself and do what it takes to accomplish those things you really don't want to do because then you know it's truly over and the most difficult, although that is one of your greatest fears...do what it really takes...not half way, not most of the way, but all of the way step-by-step and you know what that is and how far that goes.

 

When you slip back into old behavior you'll know what exactly what to expect and where you are most comfortable...make yourself uncomfortable, don't be afraid to break your own heart or tell yourself NO...a rain cloud doesn't last forever, but you have to believe in yourself that you can make it through or you'll always sell yourself short and take the easy path...the choice you know that ultimately won't give you what you really need, that void will never be filled that way...otherwise you're just a drug addict looking for your next fix.

 

Learn from your mistakes, do not punish yourself for them...use everything you learn to push yourself further even when you feel like you're barely crawling...it's always easier to let the tide sweep you away back into that deep ocean...recognize your faults and mistakes and challenge yourself to fix them. It may not happen the first, second or even thousandth time, but by doing so and trying will bring you much further than where you are now...once you see what you do to yourself, it won't be so tempting to repeat that behavior, because you'll see it for what it truly is...instead of what you wanted to believe.

 

If you always give up on yourself when the moment is most difficult...you'll never change the things you want to...and you may not change forever, but the choice is yours.

 

Despair and self-loathing?....or the strength to believe in yourself?

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EasyHeart Established Member

EasyHeart

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I got weak...

 

Sent him an email earlier. Told him I'd still like to see him next weekend. No response yet. I just feel embarrassed now--even if he responds in the affirmative I won't be answering it. I can't do it. I don't know what I was thinking, sending that. I'm ashamed of myself, offering myself up for crumbs.

 

I feel like such an idiot. I was doing so well and then I just up and do that. I'm not upset about him not answering; I'm just hating on myself for succumbing to weakness.

 

I must exercise greater restraint.

You are SO lucky I can't smack you. :mad:
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tigressA Established Member

tigressA

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I just looked at the email I sent him and said out loud to myself "Never again" before deleting it. Then I saw I still had all the other emails I had ever sent to him in my sent folder as well; I hadn't known they were still there. I deleted those too, as they had pictures of us. I also added his email to an automatic-delete filter.

 

Seriously, whatever any of you here have to say to me will be significantly less harsh than what I have already said to and thought of myself since having clicked the 'send' button. Not saying you shouldn't bother...just FYI. I'm quite good at mental self-flagellation.

 

At first I thought that he would think badly of me--like "Wow, how desperate is she?" But then again--why the f*ck should I care what he thinks of me? So I was mainly disappointed in myself.

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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Woah, ninja wins this thread :)

 

I can use a lot of advice he gave in this thread myself.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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TA herself wrote a thread where she said she wasn't cut out for long term relationships. I think he sensed that she has currently streamlined her behavior for short term relationships. He noticed her pattern and he told her in exact words that a long term relationship wouldn't work between them, meaning that a long term relationship is what he wanted.

 

In my opinion this guy has insight into TA's pattern and he basically explained that a long term relationship wouldn't work out, which matches with TA's explanations where she said that she isn't cut out for LTR's.

 

He knows her.

 

TA should self-reflect on what kind of relationship she wants, so that her life is streamlined towards that kind of relationship. Men will sense what kind of "mode" she's in, whether it's long term or short term and they WILL notice her behavior and pattern.

 

Perhaps he's just being wise here. After all, it was you yourself TA that said you weren't cut out for LTR's. From my point of view he acted upon that insight.

 

 

 

 

Wrong wrong wrong.

 

Even if a girl is not "ready" for a relationship, if the guy has enough emotions for her and it he feels "right" being with her - he will be with her.

Something was up in the way he felt about her and being with her in general

The fact she was not much into long term R's would have had no bearing on the break up, if he really really was the right guy for her.

 

Myself, along with others have been pepertually single, only to change our tune once we meet a person we feel is WORTH being with long term. Even though it is against the way we normally go about relationships.

I was adamant I would not get into a long term R, and my boyfriend felt the same.

Yet we ended up staying together, just like many other long term single folkes ended up together.

 

.... Her attitude towards relationships alone would not be enough to make the right guy break up with her. Not to say he was not into her - but obviously not enough. Or he wouldn't have broken up with her.

If a guy really, seriously wants to be with someone, then it would take a LOT of personal defects (on her part) for him to actually leave.

 

 

.... And I am very sorry about the break up, I didn't read about your relationship but I saw a thread title that alluded to you finally being with someone..

 

I was happy for you, and I am very sorry you feel upset and angry now.

 

You do not sound like the type of person who needs to be told to back off and let him be at least! Unlike the many crazy exes on here, needing our (your!) guidance.

 

At least your not a crazy ex:)

Edited by Leigh 87
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tigressA Established Member

tigressA

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I just noticed I still had the poem he wrote me sitting on top of my set of nesting tables and the book he'd given me as a gag gift in my bookcase. I threw them away. Ripped the poem up first. What horsesh*t, writing a poem about me before we even met in person. :rolleyes: Hindsight is 20/20...

 

When I read his OLD profile out loud to my friends at the bar last night (the revised version, after he got with me) they were all like "WTF is this guy for real?" and rolling their eyes. Basically it was just this massively pompous bragging session. You know how people say "When you have to say you're nice/caring/etc/etc...you're really not"? It was just like that.

 

And I was literally drowning in denial at the OKC incident...I remember all his posturing about being so aware of himself, his surroundings, other people, etc--yet he claimed to be unaware of what had changed on his own damn profile. You can't have it both ways.

 

Yeah, just getting myself nice and pissed again since I'm feeling kinda lonely now.

Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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Awww...I wish I could hug you, sweetie.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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