He broke up with me

January 11, 2013

tigress, my impression of you is that you're basically a live wire flailing around, not meaning anyone any harm, but not really caring if you or others get sparked and burned a little during the show. I mean, this isn't too surprising for a Leo in her 20s. No one can accuse you of not really living and throwing yourself into things!

I think you just are who you are, and with so many other people going around in a mask all the time, that's a good thing.

You'll be fine.

January 11, 2013

I'm a bit annoyed with this loveshack community. On one of my very first posts, I talked about I guy I dated for two months (who I also met online) - and was subsequently crushed when he did the "fade" on me. I was told to get it over it because we only dated for two months - as if it meant nothing. Well damn, tigress here dated him for two months, fell in love w/i 10 days and it was LD - and you are getting bounds of sympathy. You must be popular here. All I got was a whipping. Boo!

Well, as a fellow 2-monther, I do symphathize with you. But based on what I read of you, it won't be hard to move on to another. It's not that easy for most. Relish in it while you can! I notice you said you cheated on your ex of 2 years only 6 months into the relationship. I hate to say it, but perhaps karma came a 'knockin. I don't think you know what you want. It's ok. Most people say they do, but don't really have a freakin' clue.

January 11, 2013

Your reaction to all of this is quite telling, isn't it? You were in love within 9 days, and as soon as he broke up with you, you went from devastated and crushed to dancing around your room and being at peace, all within 24 hours.

I would consider looking at your own conflicts with commitment, with a professional. Honestly.

I'm not at peace. Where in the world did you get that assumption from? I'm not over it at all. Sure I danced around for a little bit. That doesn't mean I'm claiming to be all better. I'm still hurting, just in different ways.

I was stupid and Googled his OKC profile and he's already back on the prowl...that just wounded me all over again. I hate thinking of him with someone else; I can't stand it. I try to not think about it but it just floods my head and I feel sick. I don't cry, but my stomach churns.

January 11, 2013

tigress, my impression of you is that you're basically a live wire flailing around, not meaning anyone any harm, but not really caring if you or others get sparked and burned a little during the show. I mean, this isn't too surprising for a Leo in her 20s. No one can accuse you of not really living and throwing yourself into things!

I think you just are who you are, and with so many other people going around in a mask all the time, that's a good thing.

You'll be fine.

I'm Aries. Ex is Leo

Thanks, Ruby.

January 11, 2013

Oh crapola are leos baddd......?????

Ohhhh nooo

Eff eff eff.get me out of here

January 11, 2013

I'm not at peace. Where in the world did you get that assumption from? I'm not over it at all. Sure I danced around for a little bit. That doesn't mean I'm claiming to be all better. I'm still hurting, just in different ways.

I was stupid and Googled his OKC profile and he's already back on the prowl...that just wounded me all over again. I hate thinking of him with someone else; I can't stand it. I try to not think about it but it just floods my head and I feel sick. I don't cry, but my stomach churns.

My point still stands. I think you have a serious fear of true intimacy, and I think you should explore that...outside of LS.

January 11, 2013

I was just in the shower remembering...I remember even before the OKC incident, I would play out these scenarios in my head with me discovering that he had lied to, disrespected, cheated on me, etc. It was like I expected this to happen. And I wondered if he sensed that, if he sensed that I was just waiting for him to mistreat me, and just decided to take advantage of the opportunity because well, hey, she expects it. Maybe that's why he felt he didn't do anything wrong...

A good person wouldn't do that, right? I'm not trying to make him out so that it's all his fault; I know I have my issues too...but a good person wouldn't take advantage of someone's insecurities no matter how obvious they may be, right?

January 11, 2013

I was just in the shower remembering...I remember even before the OKC incident, I would play out these scenarios in my head with me discovering that he had lied to, disrespected, cheated on me, etc. It was like I expected this to happen. And I wondered if he sensed that, if he sensed that I was just waiting for him to mistreat me, and just decided to take advantage of the opportunity because well, hey, she expects it. Maybe that's why he felt he didn't do anything wrong...

A good person wouldn't do that, right? I'm not trying to make him out so that it's all his fault; I know I have my issues too...but a good person wouldn't take advantage of someone's insecurities no matter how obvious they may be, right?

No, a good person wouldn't do that. That's why I definitely don't want you to think this was about you. I hate it when men or women are treated badly, and then it turns into a neverending circle of self-hate because they take the blame onto themselves.

I've realized that I haven't always acted awesomely in all of my relationships. However, I've been a pretty damn good girlfriend, almost always giving more than I got back. That was my problem. Giving too much of myself to guys who didn't deserve it, and picking the wrong guys.

It took my two most recent relationships, both of which I ended, to realize that I need to drop someone sooner if they start treating me like crap, and to really get to know them better before giving so much of myself to them.

January 11, 2013

I'm a bit annoyed with this loveshack community. On one of my very first posts, I talked about I guy I dated for two months (who I also met online) - and was subsequently crushed when he did the "fade" on me. I was told to get it over it because we only dated for two months - as if it meant nothing. Well damn, tigress here dated him for two months, fell in love w/i 10 days and it was LD - and you are getting bounds of sympathy. You must be popular here. All I got was a whipping. Boo!

Well, as a fellow 2-monther, I do symphathize with you. But based on what I read of you, it won't be hard to move on to another. It's not that easy for most. Relish in it while you can! I notice you said you cheated on your ex of 2 years only 6 months into the relationship. I hate to say it, but perhaps karma came a 'knockin. I don't think you know what you want. It's ok. Most people say they do, but don't really have a freakin' clue.

I feel TigressA's pain, but I also feel the same thing as the poster above as I see everyone booing people who go through exactly the same situation and tell them to just deal with it.

I thought this was supposed to be kind of an impartial community, so I'm sorry but it makes it hard to take advice very seriously when you see this kind of partiality going on. People should do some thinking before posting their opinions ditching others and giving sympathy so emphatically to certain people when both are going through the same situation. There, I said it

January 11, 2013

It's the nature of the beast. When you know someone 'better' (even only through cyber space) you will be able to incorporate that knowledge in your messages. To be honest I thought some of the posts were a little outspoken/harsh - but then I'm aware of the posters' history on this site.

January 11, 2013

Emilia, thanks, makes sense.

It's just weird to see as a newbie here (and I bet other newbies feel the same (as in uh??? ) when people get double standards messages for the same situation, hehe.

It's kind of blatant. As in:

Q:

"I've been dating this guy from okcupid for 2 months fell head over hills for him... but found out he's an ******* and he dumped me."

A: 1) Oh f-off, deal with it You are dumb for falling for someone you hardly knew;

A: 2) Oh poor thing, kootshy-kootshi, are you doing well honey ? He's a jerk, you're awesome and deserve better.

January 11, 2013

It can be, but it does have something to do with how well we know or how familiar we are with a poster. Familiarity CAN lead to less objectivity as was noted.

It also has to do with the people responding...and they are not always the same people.

AND it has alot to do with how the person stated their situation and what they said.

Too many factors to be able to compare apples to apples.

January 11, 2013

Emilia, thanks, makes sense.

It's just weird to see as a newbie here (and I bet other newbies feel the same (as in uh??? ) when people get double standards messages for the same situation, hehe.

It's kind of blatant. As in:

Q:
"I've been dating this guy from okcupid for 2 months fell head over hills for him... but found out he's an ******* and he dumped me."

A: 1) Oh f-off, deal with it You are dumb for falling for someone you hardly knew;
A: 2) Oh poor thing, kootshy-kootshi, are you doing well honey ? He's a jerk, you're awesome and deserve better.

It's kind of luck of the day too to be fair. I know this place can be harsh when you don't know people, when it's just a screen name empathy can go out of the window sometimes. I can be guilty of that too. Sometimes you are just removed from the human being on the other side. When it's someone you've been chatting with it's different. You sort of 'know' them.

January 11, 2013

Yes I agree... but I think people should be a little more cautious then to start telling newbies things like "drop this guy, NOW" and such. It happens too frequently here and as we know from our personal situation, things don't work like that. I mean, you could be destroying people's lives, right?

January 11, 2013

Yes I agree... but I think people should be a little more cautious then to start telling newbies things like "drop this guy, NOW" and such. It happens too frequently here and as we know from our personal situation, things don't work like that. I mean, you could be destroying people's lives, right?

They are adults. Hopefully most adults know to take complete strangers' opinions and advice for what they are: complete strangers' opinions and advice.

To be honest, I don't ask for opinions much here because I know I'd get a mixed bag at best. It always slightly puzzles me why people do this.

January 11, 2013

To be honest, I don't ask for opinions much here because I know I'd get a mixed bag at best. It always slightly puzzles me why people do this.

Yes I feel the same and although in my case I thought the opinions for my first posts would help me get more clarity in the middle of a whirlwind, I think they ended up making me more confused Still, sometimes it's good getting different insights here, specially when it's not related to a specific situation happening with someone in your life. Relationships are so confusing and sometimes it's hard to see what's in your face. I think this community does help with that. But I wish people would be a little more careful.

January 11, 2013

I just...I'm totally shattered

He called me on Skype, we talked for over an hour, we both cried--he started crying before I did, he blew his nose a lot. I kept my cool better than he did but I was trying to just keep from...I don't know. It wasn't the weekend we had; he'd been thinking about it since the new year...he just doesn't feel we're long-term material and with the distance, he'd need to really feel like it was worth a long-term investment what with the added effort, time, etc...he wants to talk again tomorrow but I don't know if I want to. I mean what's the point right? It's over...

I just...I feel like I am still in denial, like it's not really happening, like I can refuse it--"I REFUSE". But it is happening and I am trying to be angry at him but I can't be, I really can't, and I can't cope right now without being able to be angry

I am so sorry TigressA That makes me so sad.

As for comfort, I love the song So What by Pink

I hope someday you and a wonderful man find each other and enjoy the journey of life together. I also love the song, Just haven't found you yet because its message is great and is how I felt until I met my husband, and I am thankful that my husband and I have found each other. Please don't give up on love cause it does exist... it just isn't a natural growth between some people though. Remember Art Critic's signature quote!

Michael Bublé - "Haven't Met You Yet" [Official Music Video] - YouTube

Please take time to heal.

January 11, 2013

a good person wouldn't take advantage of someone's insecurities no matter how obvious they may be, right?

All people have the ability to choose if they will be honorable or not, and if they will actively love someone or not.

Some people give in to temptation even if they don't originally intend to do so. Others just plain don't care/love but rather just use others.

But yeah, a person who loves and/or has integrity wouldn't take advantage of someone's insecurity no matter how obvious.

January 11, 2013

Q:
"I've been dating this guy from okcupid for 2 months fell head over hills for him... but found out he's an ******* and he dumped me."

A: 1) Oh f-off, deal with it You are dumb for falling for someone you hardly knew;

That's probably the most honest reply anyone could have posted. Very insightful. Apparently you've forgotten how much people, male and female love drama.Obviously this trainwreck provides an abundance of such.

January 11, 2013

I'm not at peace. Where in the world did you get that assumption from? I'm not over it at all. Sure I danced around for a little bit. That doesn't mean I'm claiming to be all better. I'm still hurting, just in different ways.

I was stupid and Googled his OKC profile and he's already back on the prowl...that just wounded me all over again. I hate thinking of him with someone else; I can't stand it. I try to not think about it but it just floods my head and I feel sick. I don't cry, but my stomach churns.

I think if you were genuinely in love with your ex you'd be a lot more crushed than you seem to be right now. There's healthy resilience and but never letting yourself get attached because you fear intimacy. It's like you go through the motions of love and heartbreak but the feeling doesn't run very deep.

That said in this case I don't think it would have possible for you to get truly attached given how little contact you had with him and the general shadiness of his behavior. Maybe you pick partners who are incapable of closeness.

Edited January 11, 2013 by tuxedo cat

January 11, 2013

I think you're upset but yeah, at least you have reason to feel that you're better off without him.

The worst is when something ends simply because the other person lost interest.

Focus on the things that pissed you off about him and you'll be fine in no time.

January 11, 2013

A good person wouldn't do that, right? I'm not trying to make him out so that it's all his fault; I know I have my issues too...but a good person wouldn't take advantage of someone's insecurities no matter how obvious they may be, right?

His behavior IS all his responsibility, it doesn't have a thing to do with your own issues. I think that sometimes in longterm relationships the lines get kind of blurred between who owns what in the dynamics, but you did not spend enough time with this guy - no matter how intense your feelings - for that to develop.

He behaved like a callous jerk. It doesn't sound like he is a "good person" at this juncture of his life. I don't think you should be concerning yourself with that, though. You just need to be dealing with your own hurt feelings and when you're somewhat on top of that, with what got you into this situation in the first place. Why you threw all caution and earlier decisions (I recall that you said you were not going to be dating for quite a while) to the wind, and why you chose to keep blinders on against your own better judgement.

A couple of people on this thread have commented on why you didn't get the brusque response to your situation that they, as newer members, have. It's because most of us know you and your history, as much as we can here. I can say that I know you are one who WILL follow your strong feelings and nobody is going to talk you out of it. It seems to be kind of like a drug.

I do see a pattern through the last two serious relationships you've posted about here, and this one.

My read on it is that you are a control freak, but part of you seriously craves to toss that aside, shut your eyes and run with a strong feeling - kind of like a release. But it hurts you and it might even be damaging.

Just my opinion.

January 11, 2013

I think if you were genuinely in love with your ex you'd be a lot more crushed than you seem to be right now. There's healthy resilience and but never letting yourself get attached because you fear intimacy. It's like you go through the motions of love and heartbreak but the feeling doesn't run very deep.

That said in this case I don't think it would have possible for you to get truly attached given how little contact you had with him and the general shadiness of his behavior. Maybe you pick partners who are incapable of closeness.

There's healthy resilience and there's never letting yourself get attached because you fear intimacy.

January 11, 2013

Many people confuse drama with love. I try to avoid those types of men -- which is why I always ask about the exes.

January 11, 2013

I have to admit to being one who feels that TigressA deserves a lot of the blame for all this. Maybe even more than half of the blame. I DON'T feel that she is a victim as some of you are making her out to be.

1. She went entirely by "chemistry" and didn't screen for character. I *think* this anyway--see 2. and 3. below.

2. What about HER character? In her last long-term relationship after the honeymoon wore off she came across as untrusting and vindictive. She went through the guy's computer a few months in! No respect of boundaries. If her last long-term boyfriend were MY friend, I would tell him to run.

3. I wonder if this guy saw her control-freak issues and that is why he decided to bail. As in HE saw RED FLAGS in HER.

You only can get what you give. You can't expect someone awesome if you're not that way yourself. The pity-party some of you are throwing here isn't helping Tigress see that. I do hope that Tigress takes a good long look at her own issues (to her credit she does seem to have done that) and maybe goes to therapy.

Edited January 11, 2013 by Imajerk17

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