He broke up with me

January 10, 2013

What I've noticed throughout my time here on LS is that if you KNOW that you are going to get a ton of sh*t from everyone on LS about what is going on in your relationship, and you can't really defend it: it probably isn't good or healthy.

If you are afraid to post it up, and you've been a regular user: red flag.

Yep, and that's why I didn't post it--I was embarrassed after all the initial gushing. I had a strong feeling that everyone was going to tell me to walk away and I didn't want to deal with the "I told you so" crowd.

January 10, 2013

That's why I don't post up about my dog-fighting ring...

Kidding

January 10, 2013

What I've noticed throughout my time here on LS is that if you KNOW that you are going to get a ton of sh*t from everyone on LS about what is going on in your relationship, and you can't really defend it: it probably isn't good or healthy.

If you are afraid to post it up, and you've been a regular user: red flag.

Agreeeeeeeed.

January 10, 2013

Seriously, his response to my confrontation was soooo laaaaaame...I'm ashamed to even admit to staying with him after that.

He said he wrote new text to make his profile more 'vague', less detailed. I could easily buy that--it did have much less detail about himself. But as far as the status and what he was looking for, he claimed ignorance--he said he'd always had dating under what he was looking for, and he didn't notice the switch from 'seeing someone' to 'available', meaning it was something he didn't consciously do.

I know how the site works, having been on there on and off for several years. The difference between 'seeing someone' and 'available' lies in what you choose to look for. When your status is 'seeing someone', you can't have dating as something you're looking for. When your status is 'seeing someone' and you decide to start looking for dating (or casual sex), your status automatically switches to 'available'. And I remembered what I saw before I deleted my profile--he had never had dating under what he was looking for when I first came across his profile, and that was true up until the moment I deleted mine.

During the confrontation I was like "How in the world could you not be aware?! These are boxes you have to CHECK OFF, FFS!"

And what was even more amazing was that I told him about my best friend being on OKC--he knew her profile. I mentioned once that she had scoped him out after I talked him up. I described her and he said he recognized her as one of his visitors. The night I discovered the shadiness, I had asked her to go anonymous, but she hadn't done that. When I called him he said he was just texting me because he saw my friend had gone to his profile. So he knew I had a way to check on him if I wanted and he still did that sh*t. He had a set on him, I'll tell you that.

Edited January 10, 2013 by tigressA

January 10, 2013

Looking at all that's happened, it's fairly likely he cheated...he'd never admit to it though. He steadfastly denied any and all wrongdoing. He's so very self-righteous and honest. (Hah) At the very least, there was intent to creep behind my back, what with the changed profile. But he'll be some other woman's problem now.

What's really funny is that I left a sock at his house this past weekend...I couldn't find it in my suitcase, we looked in his bedroom, which is where it was last seen, he looked through his laundry as he'd done laundry that day...nowhere to be found. Checked my suitcase again after I got home, still nothing. So now next time he's got some new girl with him, she can find my sock and be like "Who the f*ck does this belong to?!"

January 10, 2013

Weeks ago I had had a really graphic dream that woke me up with a very sick feeling in my gut, very visceral. I had dreamed I ran into my ex on a date with someone else. I had deleted my OKC profile; I figured he still had his up but I hadn't cared as before I had deleted mine, he had changed his status to 'seeing someone'. Keep in mind, there was clearly established exclusivity between us. We were in a relationship. There was mutual agreement on that.

I asked my best friend, who I knew was on OKC, to check out his profile. She came back and reported he had his status up as 'available' and looking for 'long/short-term dating'. She was so pissed and upset on my behalf. I was just in shock. That had definitely changed from when I last saw it. He hadn't even had dating under what he was looking for when we first started talking on the site. He had written up a whole new profile text, too. I was able to check all this for myself, via Google.

I called him after the shock wore off and anger set in and basically asked him "What the f*ck is going on here?!" And he was all ready with an explanation. I'm not even going to repeat it here, it's so lame. I really liked him and despite how upset I was, I slept on it, and I decided to trust him. I should've listened to my gut then and walked away, but that is so much empty regret.

So there you have it. The missing piece.

The fact that you let this slide initially, and then kept it from us (knowing what we would all tell you), just confirms how in denial you were for a big portion of this entire thing.

Sure its rather douch-like for me to say "I told you so", but my original qualms about this dude were correct.

I just dont get it all sometimes. Some women will outright ignore red flags like this and run full steam ahead into a bad situation, meanwhile others like the girl I dated last month will sabotage a situation that was seemingly great and had no problems.

I guess whats to be learned is, trust your gut and dont rush.

January 10, 2013

The fact that you let this slide initially, and then kept it from us (knowing what we would all tell you), just confirms how in denial you were for a big portion of this entire thing.

Sure its rather douch-like for me to say "I told you so", but my original qualms about this dude were correct.

I just dont get it all sometimes. Some women will outright ignore red flags like this and run full steam ahead into a bad situation, meanwhile others like the girl I dated last month will sabotage a situation that was seemingly great and had no problems.

I guess whats to be learned is, trust your gut and dont rush.

That's the difference of when a woman is truly into a guy and she isn't. it's that simple.

January 10, 2013

That's the difference of when a woman is truly into a guy and she isn't. it's that simple.

This is true...I ignored red flags much like this in a couple of my past relationships because I cared so much. I wanted so much to believe that everything was really okay.

I think the only real regret I have now is not dumping him when that came to light...but a lot of good came out of all this regardless.

January 10, 2013

Though I can now see that my ex didn't have much respect or care for our relationship, I know I did care for him deeply when we were together, and I still do. I have less respect for him now as a person overall...but I still respect how I felt about him. It was real. I had hopes. I was confident.

It's amazing, when one looks back, how everything becomes so clear and you begin to wonder how you were attracted to this person in the first place. You realize that yes, you were attracted and those feelings were real. You acknowledge that. But...you wonder how it happened.

January 10, 2013

Premature as this may be I offer you my rebound services.

If you're in the market for a moderately attractive man with an average sized penis, let me know. I'll rock your world, more or less.

January 10, 2013

That's the difference of when a woman is truly into a guy and she isn't. it's that simple.

This is true for some women. You owe it to yourself not to get fooled so easily. The guy was taking the p**s

January 10, 2013

This is true for some women. You owe it to yourself not to get fooled so easily.

I agree. I've been bat**** crazy on a guy and managed to take it slowly.

That's why I asked how she fell so hard to the point of tears from someone she's known for less than two months. I'd be like "okay whatever have a nice life".

January 10, 2013

I agree. I've been bat**** crazy on a guy and managed to take it slowly.

That's why I asked how she fell so hard to the point of tears from someone she's known for less than two months. I'd be like "okay whatever have a nice life".

I'm guessing age/maturity has a lot to do with it.

January 10, 2013

I'm guessing age/maturity has a lot to do with it.

Possibly. Not in my instance though. I hadn't even slept with him by two months of knowing him.

January 10, 2013

I agree. I've been bat**** crazy on a guy and managed to take it slowly.

That's why I asked how she fell so hard to the point of tears from someone she's known for less than two months. I'd be like "okay whatever have a nice life".

Maybe you are not impulsive in general? I am very impulsive and passion driven, it's nearly impossible to follow logic when I am truly into someone. Luckily, as I get older it happens less and less often.

January 10, 2013

Maybe you are not impulsive in general? I am very impulsive and passion driven, it's nearly impossible to follow logic when I am truly into someone. Luckily, as I get older it happens less and less often.

Um...I don't know.

I can't logically be passionate about someone I've just met. And yeah, if I've only known them for a few weeks I just met them.

Maybe I just have too much other stuff to occupy my life?

January 10, 2013

Um...I don't know.

I can't logically be passionate about someone I've just met. And yeah, if I've only known them for a few weeks I just met them.

Maybe I just have too much other stuff to occupy my life?

I think you are more pragmatic than we are. I have met men for whom I felt huge amount of passion in the first instant we talked. I am embarrassed to say how those experiences turned out

January 10, 2013

That's why I asked how she fell so hard to the point of tears from someone she's known for less than two months. I'd be like "okay whatever have a nice life".

Hah, you may want to ask him that too...he was the one with the monopoly on all the waterworks when he dumped me. But that was probably just another manipulation tactic, not for real.

In fact, I had made jokes in the beginning about this guy 'not being real', even to his face. You know what they say, it's funny because it's true.

Anyway, I have a habit of falling fast and hard. Keep in mind I'm 25--never been married, no kids. I don't plan on ever getting married or having kids. You have kids of your own. You absolutely have to be more pragmatic about your choices. Our circumstances are quite different. And it's not a question of not having enough to occupy my time. I never neglected my friends, interests, etc while with him. It was the way I felt when we were together...it was like there was no one else in our world. He was good at that.

January 10, 2013

Well...a quick comment here too.

I already told you that I am sad for you on another thread. I wished that you could have found true happiness this time. But as I said in the past, we learn from our mistakes. This relationship served one purpose: don't ignore red flags.

I know you really wanted it to work. I know it takes great courage to come back here and admit that it did not work. You have my respect and admiration for doing so knowing that some will be verbally gloating.

So again...as an optimistic feller, I think the best is yet to come.

January 10, 2013

Anyway, I have a habit of falling fast and hard. Keep in mind I'm 25--never been married, no kids. I don't plan on ever getting married or having kids. You have kids of your own. You absolutely have to be more pragmatic about your choices. Our circumstances are quite different. And it's not a question of not having enough to occupy my time. I never neglected my friends, interests, etc while with him. It was the way I felt when we were together...it was like there was no one else in our world. He was good at that.

I understand that our situations are different but how many guys were you with last year? And what was the longest relationship you had?

I'm not trying to be mean by asking that. I'm just curious because you seem to go from man to man to man in a relatively short period of time.

I was just wondering what was up with that.

January 10, 2013

I understand that our situations are different but how many guys were you with last year? And what was the longest relationship you had?

I'm not trying to be mean by asking that. I'm just curious because you seem to go from man to man to man in a relatively short period of time.

I was just wondering what was up with that.

Three last year, including the current ex as we met in November. Longest relationship was almost 2 years (in college, it was a LDR); I cheated less than 6 months into it. Second-longest was with my ex-ex, at a year and a few months--we lived together. Had a brief rebound with him in early fall, leading to the abortion.

I've always been rather resilient, able to bounce back quickly from endings. I grieve intensely for a little while and then after that life is good again. Yesterday I was a mess, today I'm clear and feeling okay. Still home from work though, as I made myself sick by eating too many Oreos yesterday

January 10, 2013

Still home from work though, as I made myself sick by eating too many Oreos yesterday

lol

Hey I think it's great that you can bounce back so quickly but the other side of it is that you fall so quickly too.

That kind of seems like they are superficial relationships though. But that's probably because you don't ever want marriage or a family. So there's no need for a man of strong character if all you are after is a fling.

But expect to be viewed the same way though by them. You're okay with that?

January 10, 2013

But expect to be viewed the same way though by them. You're okay with that?

I must be, since I haven't changed, right?

Strong character...he didn't have a terribly strong character. But he acts like he does. It can be quite convincing. I certainly made myself believe it. I never made any secret of how I am; he knew about my past and I acknowledged my mistakes. In some respects he played the victim quite a bit. When we were discussing the OKC incident he had a bit of an outburst about how he was always 'punished' for other guys' mistakes, etc. And I'm sitting there thinking...well, maybe you should look at what you may be doing to trigger insecurities if that's been a consistent pattern in your relationships. He makes himself out to be so honest and righteous and just this total sweetheart, but he's really arrogant about it.

January 10, 2013

He makes himself out to be so honest and righteous and just this total sweetheart, but he's really arrogant about it.

That's what weak men do.

January 10, 2013

In the conversation we had last night something really struck me...I had known before that his father cheated on and left his mother when he was a baby. We had been discussing the merits of remaining friends with exes and he brought up that incident with his parents. He droned on about how it was so 'beautiful' that despite what his dad did to his mom, he's able to see them having loving conversations with each other years later, with both of them being able to be happy for each other, etc etc yawn. And that's what he strives for, to be able to be like that with those who come into his life because that's a strong indicator of emotional health...yada yada. I tried hard not to laugh. Failed. I just kept thinking, "This guy is such a pompous ass. What was I on?"

Sign In

He broke up with me

Recommended Posts

tigressA

dreamingoftigers

Star Gazer

tigressA

tigressA

kaylan

Eternal Sunshine

tigressA

tigressA

MrCastle

Emilia

amaysngrace

Emilia

amaysngrace

Eternal Sunshine

amaysngrace

Eternal Sunshine

tigressA

JamesM

amaysngrace

tigressA

amaysngrace

tigressA

Emilia

tigressA

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...