He broke up with me

[tigressA]

I just...I'm totally shattered

 

He called me on Skype, we talked for over an hour, we both cried--he started crying before I did, he blew his nose a lot. I kept my cool better than he did but I was trying to just keep from...I don't know. It wasn't the weekend we had; he'd been thinking about it since the new year...he just doesn't feel we're long-term material and with the distance, he'd need to really feel like it was worth a long-term investment what with the added effort, time, etc...he wants to talk again tomorrow but I don't know if I want to. I mean what's the point right? It's over...

 

I just...I feel like I am still in denial, like it's not really happening, like I can refuse it--"I REFUSE". But it is happening and I am trying to be angry at him but I can't be, I really can't, and I can't cope right now without being able to be angry

[xxoo]

I'm sorry, tigress

[Treasa]

Well, if you feel angry, I think it's fine for you to feel that, and you shouldn't bury it.

 

A lot of people warned you about falling to fast for this guy, and a lot of people supported you. I know that you're an intelligent adult, and you could handle it if things didn't work out. It was your choice, you took a brave gamble, and you enjoyed it while it lasted, right?

 

I'm really sorry you're hurting, but I'm glad you're not afraid to go after things you want wholeheartedly.

[D-Lish]

I'm so sorry Tig...

 

I read your thread regarding the underwear in the car- is this guy really worthy of being shattered over?

 

From what I read I felt it should have been YOU stepping away from him.

 

I am sorry you're hurting- because you deserve much better.

[Treasa]

I'm so sorry Tig...

 

I read your thread regarding the underwear in the car- is this guy really worthy of being shattered over?

 

From what I read I felt it should have been YOU stepping away from him.

 

I am sorry you're hurting- because you deserve much better.

 

I totally agree with this.

[Treasa]

You're very spirited and you don't let old baggage keep you from going after what you want. You also know how to recognize red flags. I think you'll be just fine. You had fun for a couple of months, and now you'll find something better.

[tigressA]

I WANT to feel angry, I want to hate him but I just can't...I can't find it in me and it makes this whole thing so much harder. And I realize it's also my control issues coming up; I'd rather have been the one to end it. I was out of control the one other time I was dumped and I wasn't even all that into the guy.

 

Ever since we said goodbye Sunday night I was thinking of all the things we could do the next time he comes to see me, I was thinking of what kind of pancakes I would make for our next Sunday morning together (we had pancakes every Sunday)...and now this. He was thinking about...this...while I was thinking about our next weekend.

[Treasa]

He's a dumbass who didn't realize what a smart, attractive, amazing girl he had. What an idiot.

[Balzac]

Ohhh Nooo. I'm so so sorry. Truly disappointing.

 

Let the emotions flow.

[tigressA]

I just...I don't know.

 

I don't know.

 

I cried a little bit during the call; it was almost unbelievable how much he was crying. You'd think I was the one dumping him. This whole thing feels strange. I struggled to explain to him...all I really kept saying was that I didn't want this to be happening. I told him I had been thinking of what sort of pancakes I could make for next time. I randomly burst out that he had had me eating banana pancakes (I hate bananas but they were so good), that was IMPORTANT! That was a MOMENT! And that started me crying, hands over my face

[D-Lish]

I WANT to feel angry, I want to hate him but I just can't...I can't find it in me and it makes this whole thing so much harder.

 

Well, you will find it in you- you've been blind-sided so it's too fresh, and you have some sorting out of what happened to deal with.

 

Try to focus on what wasn't right about your relationship- I saw plenty of examples in your other thread.

 

My thoughts are that you had a gut feeling things weren't right, but he beat you to the punch (perhaps because he thought you'd eventually do it after figuring him out).

[ThaWholigan]

He'd been thinking about this since new year? I think that pantie-gate might have been a ruse to get you to have doubts - maybe so you'd break up? I don't know - probably not appropriate to get into right now....

 

But I am sorry to hear this has happened. I did have high hopes for you (both you and Ruby broke up with BFs, I was rooting for both of you! ).

 

You'll be OK in no time .

[MrCastle]

Sorry to hear that. This is one of the downfalls of a LDR. Maybe next time around you can find someone closer to you.

[whichwayisup]

((Tiger)) Lots of hugs to you. Just allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. No 'I should or shouldn't be feeling this or that.'

 

Ice cream, chocolate and chips are in order!

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm sorry, tigress. Seems like there's been a rash of breakups going on lately - maybe it's the new year. I'm in that sad single boat with you right now

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I'm sorry.

[tigressA]

I want so badly to fight it, to fight this, to fight him, but there's no point

 

All I could really do was deny deny deny, "I don't want this to be happening, I don't want this to be happening". I want to fight but I know it's no use--he feels what he feels and I'm not going to debase myself by trying to change his mind, I'm upset but I'm not stupid, I still have my dignity

[SJC2008]

Mabye he was trying to get you to dump by fabricating the underwear incident??

[Ruby Slippers]

Hey, I just did the dumping, and that wasn't any easier. Now I have to sit here second-guessing myself for dumping a guy who was good in many ways.

 

Breakups suck, period!

[tigressA]

Pantygate is CLOSED. Got it? I won't have any useless speculation on why it happened...it just happened, that's it. I just need to get over it now

[D-Lish]

I want so badly to fight it, to fight this, to fight him, but there's no point

 

All I could really do was deny deny deny, "I don't want this to be happening, I don't want this to be happening". I want to fight but I know it's no use--he feels what he feels and I'm not going to debase myself by trying to change his mind, I'm upset but I'm not stupid, I still have my dignity

 

Honey, I think you're upset because it should have been you rejecting him. I think you know in your heart that he wasn't a good fit.

 

It's funny what happens when someone rejects us- we become more caught up in being rejected than seeing that the fit wasn't right in the first place.

 

It's like disliking your job- then getting fired when you wanted to quit. You become focused on being let go instead of feeling free of an arrangement that didn't make you overly happy in the first place.

[tigressA]

I wrote about it on my blog, just now. Made me feel a little better getting my feelings out. My best friend said it was really good. I joked that heartbreak makes me a good writer...it's good fuel.

 

I'm still undecided on talking to him tomorrow. Logic dictates that it will change nothing. Emotion is still holding out hope. Maybe I need to just kill it myself--the hope. Go NC and don't look back. I know that would be best but...

[Mme. Chaucer]

I'm sorry too.

[tigressA]

I can't remember the last time I was feeling so against the dawn of a new tomorrow. I don't want to face tomorrow, I don't want to go to work, I don't want to have to talk to anyone, I don't want to do anything.

 

But I have to. If I let myself wallow completely in sadness I will never rise above it. I have to go through the days, no matter how grueling, until they become less painful, until the knowledge that this is over doesn't bother me, doesn't even register.

 

That day will come, but only if I live for it. So here I go with the living.

[AlexCross]

Big Big Hugs for Tigress. I wish you nothing but good things in the future. You can and will get through this. Just remember how great of a woman you are and ultimately it is his loss, not yours. Hugs Hugs Hugs.