completely clueless Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Me and my girlfriend broke up 7 months ago, she was my first love and everything else. I found out a couple of days ago that she met a new guy and got with him 3 months after our relationship ended yet I am still here 7 months on and in bits and love her. My heart races with anxiety at the thought of them together, holding hands and everything and on top of it I saw a post of hers on a forum we both seem to use and saw her new boyfriend and how they are in love and such and I am devastated she could move on so quickly and easily. For 3-4 months after we broke up she was still telling me she loved me, missed me among other things then totally stopped and cut me off which matches the same time she got with this new guy and I can't seem to accept this. I need some advice please on ways to get over this and to ease the pain, I am having a hard time accepting she doesn't want me anymore and I wonder if this new guy is just some rebound or something but I know I'm kidding myself because I'm still in love with her and hoping one day she will want me back. I suffer from social phobia which means I struggle meeting new people, talking to new people and such which isn't making anything any easier and she is all I think about. There is not a day where I don't think of her, please help me.
stevie_23 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 This is really hard, and I feel your pain. My first partner (who is still my best friend, incidentally) broke up with me 5 days before Valentine’s Day back in 2001. Yes, WAAAY back then. She wasn’t in love with me anymore, she said, and there was no one else involved. However, there WAS someone else and they got together the next week. It was SO. DAMN. HARD. But we worked it out and I moved on, though I was so very lonely for a few months following. I went online and joined a forum and blabbed endlessly about my feelings of loss and being alone. I felt I’d never be happy again. That the one person who knew me most didn’t want me anymore. I felt worthless. After about a month, we were back to being best friends, which felt good, but I was still resigned to a life spent alone. Then, 3 months after the breakup, I met someone on that forum. I was NOT there to find new love. I never wanted any love again. But somehow, slowly after becoming friends, I felt feelings develop. In those early days, I used to do this thing, where I’d ask myself…if my ex wanted to get back together, what would I do? And for about the first 4 months I answered that I’d choose her (over my new “friend”), but 5 months…I changed. I would choose not to go back to her. I wanted to explore my new feelings. And now me and that “friend” have been together for 11.5 years. So see, new feelings, attraction, love even…they develop at any time. There is no “right” time to move on from an old partner. Your ex has not done anything wrong in terms of her moving on in 3 months, 6 months, whatever. It is all relative and subjective to the individual. You will take longer to move on, and that’s fine because it’s right for you. Never pressure yourself to feel anything but how you feel. With your social phobia (which I also have a mild form of), maybe try going online. Not necessarily for love, but just for fun times and friendship. Don’t expect to want to be with someone (anyone) to alleviate your pain and feelings of loss. Just try to do things you enjoy, and eventually, when the time is right, you will feel better. Believe me. And you will find someone else who will excite you and make you so happy. I know this. 1
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