Alsuna Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I'm usually fine during the days, as I'm pretty occupied with work and studies. But after getting home and doing the normal rounds of home work, house work and watching some tv shows, i just feel miserable. In bed it hits me then with full power, I feel anxious when thinking about my future, miss him like hell, and blame me for getting into this helpless situation. How can I avoid this hour of hell, until I can fall asleep? Is there any technique for coping with all the painful and negative thoughts?
tinkerbash Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 this is the hardest time , when you try to relax and have nothing to occupy your mind, i'm on the same page as you but i actually can't sleep now, im going to the doctors tomorrow to get meds so i think that maybe a good help!
fixing Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 to be honest honey, the grieving and pain will catch up with you at some point of the day, its great that you are keeping really busy though for most of the day. Hmm, i dont know about techniques for the evening? Maybe to read? Either way, this is a pain you must endure for a while, but it will get better, and remember to love yourelf, dont fret about the future because you cant control it. Stay strong
LostGirl11 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I listen to a talk radio station. The nights are horrible. The mornings are the worst for me, it actually feel like someone is tearing my heart out of my chest. I wonder what he is going to be doing with his day. Any advice for the mornings?
Author Alsuna Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 Can you get meds for a broken heart?
nes9 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Funny how everyone has their time of the day that is toughest to grieve. For me personally, I find the mornings the toughest. I wake up so early after inadequate sleep and can not fall back asleep for the life of me. To avoid the feelings, I immediately get out of bed and begin my day, even if its two hours too early. The evenings used to be very hard for me, but for whatever reason, they aren't as bad with the current breakup I'm going through. If I have nothing to do in the evening, I ALWAYS have the tv on when I am in my apartment, and I always have my computer up too. Honestly, I come on this forum a lot and just read other peoples threads. Sometimes I will just do an ab workout in my living room cuz I know ladies love a washboard. Seriously though, do whatever kind of in-house workouts you can when your mind starts to wander. I try to text as many of my friends and family (not bugging them about my breakup) as possible so I have conversations with them going on throughout the day. The last choice scenario in the evenings is to hit the sack early and just try to go to sleep. I avoid this one normally because the earlier I get to bed, the earlier I wake up and as I pointed out, mornings are my toughest time. If sleep is too tough for you, consider an herbal supplement like melatonin or see your doctor for a short term solution like zolpidem to get you through the rough patches. I prefer the latter, but you never want to get hooked up on any type of medication. Best of luck with your evening coping, it will get easier.
fixing Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Can you get meds for a broken heart? Lol, no, but, if you are very depressed and feel you cant cope with life a doctor may prescribe you temporarily with Ant depressants. If you cant sleep also, and its a serious problem for you, the doctor may give you something
Author Alsuna Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 The mornings... I wake up, try to convince myself for about 2 hours, that today is going to be a good day. And then I'm already so late, that I have to rush to work/school, and I spend the whole day being busy, trying to catch up with everything thats on the to-do-list. Thats all I can do. Well, looks like the mornings are bad for me too, but the time before falling asleep are the worst.
fixing Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Yeah, the mornings, for me, i felt suicidal, then through the day i kept forcing myself to think f### her! But, i can see why the evenings are tough. Just remember, this is just a tough tough time in your life that you must go through, but the good news is, you will come out a much stronger girl! x
Missing Him Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 You'll get through it. To share my own experience, immediately after the break up (it hasn't quite been a month yet), the entire day I was consumed in thought and pain about him. Then, the nights got easier. I could get into bed and relax and watch tv and feel better. A little after that, the mornings got better. I could get up in the morning without feeling intense pain about the situation. Now, I find the early afternoons to be difficult. Around 3-6pm, every day, I crawl into bed and I grieve about the relationship and the situation. Not because I want to, but because for some reason that's when it all catches up to me. It's hard but I at least recognize that it's progress and that this short window of pain is much better than where I was three weeks ago. Perhaps it's best for you to look at the progress that you've made and look at where you've come since the break-up. Then, recognize that you'll continue to make progress and eventually these nights will become fewer and fewer.
stillafool Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 You can always get a second job. You will make extra cash and be too tired when you get home to think about him. I did this once after a break up and it was one of the best decisions I could have made.
stevie_23 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Hmm. I think we all have different “problem” periods in our days during this hard time. I’m actually ok before bed. I distract myself with watching bad reality TV and eating chocolate mindlessly. I wait until I’m almost falling asleep on the couch before actually going to bed, so once I’m in bed with no distractions to quiet my mind, I’m tired enough to fall asleep pretty soon without many problems. My problem times are the mornings when I wake up. I tend to lie in bed and end up crying most mornings. It sucks. When he first left, I found the afternoons ultra hard. I’d usually spend a lot of time filming videos for my ex (just walking around the house, chatting to him, etc) and now…what was I supposed to do with so much undesired free time? I find there are 2 stages to dealing with problem times in the day / night. The first is losing the expectations. For me, my night times used to be wonderful as this was the time I’d get to spend with my ex (online / texting). I’d look forward to it all day. We’d spend from about 8pm until I went to bed around 11.30pm together, chatting and texting. Now? It’s empty. At first this was the hardest time for me, but now as I said, I just distract myself and stuff my face with chocolate and I don’t expect to enjoy myself that same way anymore now he’s gone. I am aware this is quite sad and I’m waiting to move on further and properly so I can actually try and be happy again in the evenings as opposed to just mindlessly surviving. The second stage is simply time. Distance. Filling the void with something else (and not TV and junk food, ideally).
hudson701 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 The mornings are far, far worse. I absolutely dread them. Complete and utter silence, only filled with the thoughts of my ex gf and how good we used to be. At present I start everyday sobbing, it's horrible. Nights are much better as I have the radio to keep me company, work to do on the computer and my friends/mum to chat to. Bedtime is sound as I read LS.
stevie_23 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 What precisely makes these times the hardest for us at the moment? When all we can feel is pain and we succumb to it, usually because of a lack of other outside distractions? What are we actually feeling though, at these times? For me, the mornings are hard because…it’s another day to get through in this “new life” I have to now live without him. It’s a time I used to spend doing videos for him of me getting ready for work, putting my makeup on and picking an outfit to wear. It’s a time we used to text back and forth a lot before I left for work. And I used to look forward to getting to the office as I knew he’d be there, waiting online to chat with me. Now, I just get up, get ready (in half the time) and go to work, where I actually…work. (well, apart from right now while I’m writing this *sheepish* lol) But anyway, I think there are 2 levels to my own specific pain in the mornings. The deeper low lying depressive pain of another day without him. Another day like “this”. How many more can I bear, you know? The other more acute level is the missing of being so happy with him, and the lack of distraction. I wonder if I’ll ever be that happy again. And if the only way to get through right now is to switch off…but I don’t want to live my life switched off. I want to LIVE it, like I was before. But then I think…what AM I really hurting about? Yes, he dumped me and didn’t even tell me he was doing it. I will never be able to get past that, no matter what happens with him. Yes, he still loves me and always did love me – that brings me comfort that it was REAL what we had. I look back with rose coloured glasses on, for sure. I felt SO happy. Everything was GOOD back then and everything is BAD right now because he’s gone. But really…everything was NOT good back then or it wouldn’t be this bad right now. He did love me, but we had problems. I was happy, but when I didn’t hear from him I’d get stressed and anxious to the point of chest pains and distressed tears. I still had problems in my life and often burdened him with them (which he never minded, but it was still a burden, I’m sure). He did not take those problems away. He could not fix them. My life is the same as it was, and without HIM as a partial distraction, it feels harder. To be suddenly alone is hard. When I look in the mirror my eyes don’t shine anymore. I find it hard to linger at my own image, as I got so used to seeing myself through his eyes. Now…it’s just me. But in the end, all we have is ourselves. Our lovers and partners cannot “complete” us, no matter how romantic that sounds. They love us BECAUSE we are us. And when the relationship comes to an end, we are still us. It’s all we have. It SHOULD be all we need.
na49 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 The morning is the worst for me. I wake up and she's the first thing on my mind. I know that she's never coming back and it hurts like hell. I lay in bed for about 20 minutes, watch TV trying not to think about her. Of course, it doesn't work so I think about her. Eventually I tell myself "I could lay here all day thinking about her, but I'm not" Then I get up. Think of her less and less until I fall asleep. This is the vicious cycle that I've been dealing with lately. This morning I woke up to having an argument with her in my head. It was so weird.
completely clueless Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I don't have a super busy life or much to occupy myself for very long and I find every moment where my mind is not occupied I think of her. I think of her and her new boyfriend and how he is where i want to be, how she got with him so fast yet here I am still in love with her and how we should be together. I struggle mostly at night as I try to workout during the day and stuff but at night I just can't break free of these thoughts and feelings, I even avoid watching tv and such because they trigger my emotions and everything reminds me of her and us. This is my first break-up and I have never felt a pain anything close to this but its comfortoing to see I am not alone and to read what advice etc you guys provide and your experiences so thanks.
stevie_23 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Also, I figure there sometimes aren’t enough distractions in this world to stop me thinking of him constantly. I used to think TO him. Like I’d see the world as if he was seeing what I was seeing and he could hear my thoughts. Now…it’s quiet, but I still feel the need to occupy my mind, except now it’s thoughts of him that are one sided and alone. So I think…and think…and dwell. For now. I know this will lessen in time (it already has a little, mostly), but I try to fill those thinking times as productively as I can (sometimes, when I’m able to). Why did it end? I did nothing wrong. Not really. Relationships either end because of… 1. A lot of problems within the relationship that stem from both people involved. Many fights that never can really be properly resolved for whatever reason. Sometimes no matter how much love there is, it isn’t enough to produce a happy, functional and “forever” relationship. If this is the case, try to work out what was going wrong, why, and it may bring some sort of peace about the fact it’s over now. 2. Problems outside the relationship. This applies to me. We are both with other people. His life has changed quite significantly since we got together and it’s made things very difficult for him (and me, to be honest). We as a couple were excellent together, but again, sometimes love just isn’t enough to make it through. 3. One person (or both) falls out of love with the other. This is a gradual process and very difficult. There is also, unfortunately, nothing that can be done about it either. This is potentially the most anguish-ridden scenario for the dumpee, and quite a bit easier for the dumper as they’ve already moved on some time ago usually. For the dumpee, to accept there is nothing that can be done, and also to accept it is not their fault, is important. As I said above, nobody can help their own feelings. It is not a FAULT to fall out of love with someone, and it is not a fault for the other person to still be in love with someone who isn’t in love with them. The love they had during their time together is what matters.
stevie_23 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I have arguments with him in my head too. The other night I woke up at 4am, mid-argument (must’ve been dreaming of him. I do that almost every night, but they’re almost always good dreams full of love), and although I tried to tell my mind to stop thinking, I was kept awake until almost 6am thinking and fighting and blabbing to him in my head. It sucks.
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