Lost kitten Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Yet, he says he has no regrets, he meant everything he ever said to me and he's having a hard time. He's sorry for the breakup, he "wishes things were different" and family members of his are frustrated with him because he's unhappy and not talking about his feelings or the situation. Does he really not love me? It's hard to grasp you could fall out of love with someone you've spent 2 years with and were engaged to in a short amount of time...
Balzac Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Listen to what he's told you. Believe him. His family gets no say in his adult decisions re: potential wife. It's painful, it's hard to understand but it's time for acceptance. Begin your grieving, mourn and move forward.
Coping Vortex Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Yet, he says he has no regrets, he meant everything he ever said to me and he's having a hard time. He's sorry for the breakup, he "wishes things were different" and family members of his are frustrated with him because he's unhappy and not talking about his feelings or the situation. Does he really not love me? It's hard to grasp you could fall out of love with someone you've spent 2 years with and were engaged to in a short amount of time... My girl and I were in deep love for 3 years and she broke up with me in an instant and is with someone else already. Its been 7 weeks. Trust me they can turn on you in an instant.
fixing Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Really sorry for your pain and troubles. If he has said he doesnt love you, than he doesnt. There is nothing you can do right now but move the f### on honey. Forget all the bull**** he has told you post BU. You got to go 100% no contact now, and a couple of months from now, you will be thinking 'wow? Wtf was i wasting my life pining over a person who didnt feel the same. You'll be alright girl. Chin up x
KatZee Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 This is pretty much the jist of what my ex told me. Almost 3 years thrown out like trash, a month or so later he was dating someone else and even bringing her around his family. So I know he knew her before he dumped me. People will turn on and off like light switches. Just like that. For a guy to say "I don't love you anymore..." believe it. A guy will RARELY if EVER shut the door so hard on a person they still have remote feelings of love for. If he felt there was something to salvage here, he wouldn't drop those words on you. It's time to focus on you and start moving on. 1
FailedFirstLove Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I'm in denial and when my ex broke up with me I could not BELEIVE 4 years could be forgotten. But if they still loved you as mch as they aay they wouldn't break up with u. They may still love you, but it's faded enough for them to let you go hang in there. It will get better
ScienceGal Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I don't love you anymore I'm trying to not love you anymore I'm trying to convince you that I don't love you anymore I am not capable of loving you It's too painful to love you I have no idea what I am feeling right now These all = you need to accept (at least for now) that the relationship is over. Whether he actually still loves you or not is moot. Sorry, I know this is painful. I am looking at the list and it's making me sad about my own situation. But, you can't dwell on what he is or isn't feeling. You need to worry about you. 1
stillafool Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Does he really not love me? It's hard to grasp you could fall out of love with someone you've spent 2 years with and were engaged to in a short amount of time... Unfortnately it happens all the time. He doesn't love you or he wouldn't have told you this. Don't beg him back or hold out hopes that he will change his mind. The best thing you can do for yourself is to let go quietly and try not to lay eyes on him or speak to him again. I know that sounds harsh but it is the best way to get over him. You have to think of him as being dead. If he doesn't want you anymore make sure he never gets another opportunity to do so. 1
stevie_23 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 God, that’s so hard to hear, those words. They cut right through the heart. I have been told this before, by my first ex (who is still my best friend, 12 years later), who said she loved me as a friend but no longer was in love with me. I think at this point, you need to hear what he’s saying. He DID love you. He really and truly did. And I hope he treated you well during your time together. This is what matters most above all other things, at the end of the day. He cannot help his feelings now. He could not help them then either. Nobody can help how they feel, if they are in love with someone or not, or if those feelings change. Nobody can control it…they can only control how they behave in response to those feelings. He seems to be trying to treat you as well as he possibly can right now, which at least shows respect and care. He may not be in love with you anymore but he still respects and cares about you as a person. He may have been trying to deny his feelings had changed for a while (or maybe not), and it may have been very hard for him to realise they had changed for a while before he got to this point and told you. Him no longer being in love with you now does not invalidate the love he felt and gave to you throughout your relationship. It does not invalidate YOU or your self worth either. As I said before, he cannot help how he feels (not loving you in that way anymore) any more than you can help how you feel (still loving him in that way). Try to comfort yourself that you are a good person, that he has treated you decently in telling you how he feels, that he DID love you while you were together and he DID mean everything he said to you during that time. And as someone else said, there is no point begging him or trying to somehow convince him to come back to you, as sadly (and this is one of the hardest things to deal with in this situation, in my opinion), by this point, he simply is incapable of truly feeling you and understanding your anguish about this, as he has already moved on. I remember it felt like someone had switched out the sun on me and I was left in the dark while they had moved on. It is such a hard time to go through. 2
Author Lost kitten Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 Thank you, all, for your help and advice. As painful as it is, I needed to hear from strangers that I need to let go. Tonight is my last night in our apartment. I'm packed and it's close to empty. He will be moving back in tomorrow, to finish out the lease. It's cold and lonely. It pains me to take my things, but it's what he wants. There will be no bed, blankets, pillows or towels, empty cabinets in the kitchen, or furnishings. It was all mine. I keep thinking he's going to have a change of heart and come back. I still want that, more than anything. It's stubborn of me, but it's so hard to let go of someone you promised your forever to. I will leave my ring in the apartment when I go. He's been texty with my sister lately, which is strange to me. He said he wants to "clear the air" - yet all he's been doing is trying to defend himself. Any reasons he gave her, honestly, are weak and nothing to break an engagement, or even relationship over. He's still left all pictures of us on facebook. He's still avoiding talking to mutual friends, or his family members. He said he was feeling indifferent; perhaps he's delaying processing it, or perhaps I didnt mean as much to him as he said. At this point - it's no longer my concern. I still would accept back in my life and heart, no questions asked.
Author Lost kitten Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 I'm doing the best I can, since I moved out. I'm certainly not happy, or alright with the situation. I feel like my entire world, everything I valued the most just vanished. I almost want to throw a tantrum and kick and scream and say "It's not fair!". I've been seeing a therapist, which is helpful, but my heart is still completely broken into bits. I wake up in the middle of the night, worrying about him. It's killing me. And he doesn't want to talk to me - at all. I booked a vacation with my girlfriends to go to the caribbean in two weeks. I managed to get a raise and recognition at work. I'm doing okay, it's just like something is missing. When I moved out, he did not come say goodbye, and was very cold - texting me "Best wishes. Leave the keys in the mailbox". Then, later that night, when he got back to the apartment, he kept texting me and asking me where things were - things that were mine. He kept saying "No worries". Additionally, he said he still had some CD's of mine in his car, that he'd get to putting together and we can "take it from there". I didnt push the issue. No contact since. He did reach out to my sister this week, and every "reason" he gave her for leaving is, honestly a reach. We argued and both said very similar things to each other while arguing ("You'll be lucky to find someone who loves you as much as I do", for one), yet, it's all MY fault for saying these horrible things. I still haven't gotten an apology from him. He's also been telling people I have a drinking problem (which is untrue) and thats why he left - anything to cover up his behavior. He doesnt want to seem like the "bad" guy - but what kind of man walks out on an engagement? Friday night, he "liked" a picture of me on a mutual friend's instagram account. WHY!?! I wish there was something I could do, or say, to fix his heart and head, and go back to the life we had and I cherished. I'd do anything.
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