crashvector Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Yesterday and today, I have been REALLY sliding back downhill. I made some real progress towards moving on the last couple of days, but I had a REALLY rough night, and the day so far today isn't going any better. It started with my ex fiance contacting me about her son, then for some reason, I got REALLY tired about midnight (I haven't been falling asleep until 3 or 4 in the morning lately). I had one dream after another about my ex all damned night long...and kept waking up distraught. Then, I had a bunch of errands to do today, several of which brought me near the neighborhood where she lives and several of the places we used to go all the time together, down the same route that I always used to drive to get to her house. Naturally, I folded, and sent her a text: "Now that (her son's name) is home and stable, and I going to be able to talk to you soon?" Her response: " Let me think about when/where. I am still tied to watching him and I'm exhausted, but I'll get back to you soon with a suggestion." My response "I understand, talk to you when you can. About where: I understand you want to meet in public, but please consider what I want to say when choosing a venue. Talk to you soon..." Now...goddammit....I know better....I KNOW nothing good will come of this...but my stupid heart will NOT rest until I torture myself some more. I just dont understand WHY what my heart keeps wanting to do is to continue to torture me with thoughts of us getting back together or working things out, etc. It's complete and utter bullshiat and I now it.
Coping Vortex Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Yesterday and today, I have been REALLY sliding back downhill. I made some real progress towards moving on the last couple of days, but I had a REALLY rough night, and the day so far today isn't going any better. It started with my ex fiance contacting me about her son, then for some reason, I got REALLY tired about midnight (I haven't been falling asleep until 3 or 4 in the morning lately). I had one dream after another about my ex all damned night long...and kept waking up distraught. Then, I had a bunch of errands to do today, several of which brought me near the neighborhood where she lives and several of the places we used to go all the time together, down the same route that I always used to drive to get to her house. Naturally, I folded, and sent her a text: "Now that (her son's name) is home and stable, and I going to be able to talk to you soon?" Her response: " Let me think about when/where. I am still tied to watching him and I'm exhausted, but I'll get back to you soon with a suggestion." My response "I understand, talk to you when you can. About where: I understand you want to meet in public, but please consider what I want to say when choosing a venue. Talk to you soon..." Now...goddammit....I know better....I KNOW nothing good will come of this...but my stupid heart will NOT rest until I torture myself some more. I just dont understand WHY what my heart keeps wanting to do is to continue to torture me with thoughts of us getting back together or working things out, etc. It's complete and utter bullshiat and I now it. Dude I broke NC last week too and we chatted all last week about mundane nonsense. By Sat she texted me she was going out of town for the weekend. translation = staying at her BF's house all weekend. Great, I have been crushed ever since. Be careful if this is not a reconciliation you will be crushed too my man. I am a mess today too. Worse than I was two weeks ago. Stay NC. Its the only way for us now.
geegirl Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Her response: " Let me think about when/where. I am still tied to watching him and I'm exhausted, but I'll get back to you soon with a suggestion.". Stalling. I don't believe she wants to do it. What do you need to talk about?
fixing Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Crash m8, you got to let go of her and her son man. You got to focus on you now and to heal from this pain. they are 100% out of the equation.
todreaminblue Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Yesterday and today, I have been REALLY sliding back downhill. I made some real progress towards moving on the last couple of days, but I had a REALLY rough night, and the day so far today isn't going any better. It started with my ex fiance contacting me about her son, then for some reason, I got REALLY tired about midnight (I haven't been falling asleep until 3 or 4 in the morning lately). I had one dream after another about my ex all damned night long...and kept waking up distraught. Then, I had a bunch of errands to do today, several of which brought me near the neighborhood where she lives and several of the places we used to go all the time together, down the same route that I always used to drive to get to her house. Naturally, I folded, and sent her a text: "Now that (her son's name) is home and stable, and I going to be able to talk to you soon?" Her response: " Let me think about when/where. I am still tied to watching him and I'm exhausted, but I'll get back to you soon with a suggestion." My response "I understand, talk to you when you can. About where: I understand you want to meet in public, but please consider what I want to say when choosing a venue. Talk to you soon..." Now...goddammit....I know better....I KNOW nothing good will come of this...but my stupid heart will NOT rest until I torture myself some more. I just dont understand WHY what my heart keeps wanting to do is to continue to torture me with thoughts of us getting back together or working things out, etc. It's complete and utter bullshiat and I now it. Constant craving is what i would call it....its draining isnt it.......i broke no contact.......i knew i would if i like someone it just isnt me to not contact...it is destructive to me when i dont get anything back......i cant write anymore ...... i knwo you can get through this......stay strong....you dont know what is aroudn the corner for you ....you have yet to explore yoru capacity for love and to be loved........ti may be with yrou ex it may not.......you hav eto have hope....when you let it go, is when it is th eend....you still have hope i can read it in your posts....keep hoping.....because that is what will get you through..and maybe a new relationship is just out of sight for you ...you just dont know..im out.... spiraling a bit and it aint upwards.......hugs,huge hope full ones to you.have my hope for now....ill ask for it back when i feel like it back...deb.
Own Worst Enemy Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 ... How did you get your profile pic to show on your posts?? I have uploaded mine but can only see it on my profile Thanks all. Proper reply to follow...
Author crashvector Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 ... How did you get your profile pic to show on your posts?? I have uploaded mine but can only see it on my profile Thanks all. Proper reply to follow... Its gotta be 100x100 pixels or less. resize it and upload it, and it should show.
Own Worst Enemy Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Will work on it. Better than fretting about the ex!!
Mcnulty Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Seeking more talk with her is futile. Contacting her, I would have been, (in the back of my mind) thinking, she may renege, have come to her senses and say she's made a mistake or is doubting her decision...she didn't...she isn't going to change her mind, meeting her or not. Now you may say you don't want her back, just to get closure, have your say...what good will come of it? More pain and dreams, believe me...time to go NC.
Missing Him Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Sorry that you're having a hard time Don't beat yourself up too much over breaking no contact - you're human and you have to make these mistakes and experience this kind of pain in order to learn and move forward. Sometimes the words and advice of other people are just not enough for us. Try to recognize though that if she's made her decision, you can't really talk her out of it. She won't jump back into a relationship she doesn't want to be in, nor do you want her to (as much as you might think you do).
FailedFirstLove Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Try not to push her. You keep asking for this talk and she's worried about her son. It's better if u let her come to you when she's ready but I know you will die waiting Lols but gve her some time. It also gives you time to heal more. If u face her while ur still vulnerable ur going to be a big mess And don't let her string you along please! She's holding you back because she knows this talk is important to you. Continue with life. When the talk happens it will happen
Author crashvector Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 Try not to push her. You keep asking for this talk and she's worried about her son. It's better if u let her come to you when she's ready but I know you will die waiting Lols but gve her some time. It also gives you time to heal more. If u face her while ur still vulnerable ur going to be a big mess And don't let her string you along please! She's holding you back because she knows this talk is important to you. Continue with life. When the talk happens it will happen Yeah, well...I dont really give two shiats if I'm "pushing" her. she didnt exactly take MY feelings or what I needed into consideration when she called me up at 430 in the afternoon two damn days after we had a wonderful Christmas together..and broke my heart. She didnt exactly wait to crush me until it was more convenient for me...
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