fucpcg Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I never asked for your diagnosis of my breakup with ex, and had I the answer you gave is not even close. You asked about the difference of ST and NC, I responded. I'll say it one last time for the OP, ST is something you should read up on so you can better understand what is going on and what makes someone act this way, and focus on moving on from the person who would act this way toward you.
Author XKatieX Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 Um, I know what silent treatment is. I have been on the receiving end of silent treatment from my ex. What you are describing sounds more like a disappearing act than silent treatment. Silent treatment has an element of ongoing manipulation , whereby they are trying to achieve a certain goal and get you to act a certain way. Not the case when someone just disappears from your life, without an explanation. Unless they keep coming back into your life and then leaving again, at certain intervals, then I wouldn't associate their disappeaing act with manipulation of any sort. I don't know anything I look up about silent treatment, basically says the same thing: "left without a reason or any word." They also give you little or no closure as well. Isn't that what "silence" is lol? I think there can be various different reasons for the silent treatment, like that person is trying to manipulate you, punish you, or simply because they don't care about how you feel.
Author XKatieX Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 lol you made it sound so much better than it was. and okay that makes sense. Oh and na49 stop feeling bad for not contacting her! You are doing the right thing. Cheaters don't account for anything in this conversation. 1
stevie_23 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Ah, I see now. If you have broken up with someone and told them why and they’ve done something that ends the relationship (cheating, betrayal, etc), then silent treatment or NC is fine in my mind. I always just feel there should be direct contact and an explanation FIRST, that’s all.
LostGirl11 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 How can it be silent treatment if the relationship is over? Unless they haven't given you a reason or haven't even bothered to tell you its over?
thefooloftheyear Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I've never done it to anyone else before, either. this is the first time I've experienced "the silent treatment" from someone that I love... to me, it just seems mean and cruel. I guess it does... However, its much more cruel to have an ex dangle you on a string with idle talk and "we can be friends" crap. That just doesnt work at all and makes it much more painful and drawn out. I know you dont want to hear it, but its the unfortunate reality. TFOY
Ruby Slippers Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I was the dumper, and I told my ex I wanted no contact for 1 month, then would consider being friends after that. He's called twice since we broke up, and though I wanted to talk to him, I didn't answer or call back. My reason for this is that throughout the relationship I felt that I liked him more than he liked me. Yes, we had plenty of differences, but I would have been willing to work through them if there had been real love there. That would have made it worth it. I'm not talking to him because I need to get over him. I wasn't happy being with someone who liked me but didn't love me. I would rather move on and find someone who loves me. I know that if we talk, there's a high risk that he'll be able to convince me to give things another shot with him, and that's not going to be good for me right now. So I maintain no contact.
flitzanu Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I just want to know what is the purpose of the silent treatment initiated by the dumper? they dumped you. why would they want to talk to you? isn't that the whole point of breaking up and removing themselves from your life?
LostOne1 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I was the dumper, and I told my ex I wanted no contact for 1 month, then would consider being friends after that. He's called twice since we broke up, and though I wanted to talk to him, I didn't answer or call back. My reason for this is that throughout the relationship I felt that I liked him more than he liked me. Yes, we had plenty of differences, but I would have been willing to work through them if there had been real love there. That would have made it worth it. I'm not talking to him because I need to get over him. I wasn't happy being with someone who liked me but didn't love me. I would rather move on and find someone who loves me. I know that if we talk, there's a high risk that he'll be able to convince me to give things another shot with him, and that's not going to be good for me right now. So I maintain no contact. I wonder if my ex thinks that too... The problem is I don't think you know if a person loves you or not. I mean I SHOWED my love when I met my ex. I stopped after why? NOT because I didn't love her. But because I LOST myself and stopped LOVING myself. And if you can't respect your own self and fix your own life how are you supposed to make someone else's any better? If I didnt love my ex I wouldn't be hurting right now. I'd have gotten over it, but I haven't. Which means I DO love her, but sadly I was a bad spot in my life 1 yr after meeting her and I never got myself out till just recently. I mean in some ways it's good she left me, because it gives me time to change it up and become who I was but better. The only sad part is that the pain made me want to be better, but no matter what I won't get to be with her again. Sad part is we are now at the same school, as I moved to a new program and career. Crashed into her on the 1st day of classes. So if she's trying to get away from me by Breaking up.. well she will have lots of fun seeing more of me. I understand she like you wanted to NOT see me in person probably for the same reasons. She knows she might get back with me. Well either fate or god has changed it up now. So she will def be seeing more of me now wether I or she wants it.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I wonder if my ex thinks that too... The problem is I don't think you know if a person loves you or not. I've been loved more than once, and I know what it looks and feels like. Even the first time, I knew. You can tell by how he looks at you, how he touches you, what he does and says, and so many other things. I mean I SHOWED my love when I met my ex. I stopped after why? NOT because I didn't love her. But because I LOST myself and stopped LOVING myself. And if you can't respect your own self and fix your own life how are you supposed to make someone else's any better? That old cliche is true - you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. If I didnt love my ex I wouldn't be hurting right now. I'd have gotten over it, but I haven't. Which means I DO love her, but sadly I was a bad spot in my life 1 yr after meeting her and I never got myself out till just recently. I mean in some ways it's good she left me, because it gives me time to change it up and become who I was but better. The only sad part is that the pain made me want to be better, but no matter what I won't get to be with her again. Are you sure about that? I would consider a second chance with 1 or 2 of my exes, PROVIDED they came to me with a clear expression of feelings and a solid plan for making it work. We'd have to discuss and lay out some very clear terms for giving it a second chance - but I'd be open to it, provided it felt right and made sense.
terlislee Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I've had it happen twice and both times ended suicidal and in therapy. It's incredibly cruel and cowardly. Makes you feel immensely guilty without knowing what for and like you did something unforgivable to be treated like that. Nobody deserves to be cut off completely without any explanation.
stevie_23 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I wholeheartedly agree. It is a TERRIBLE way to treat someone. ANYONE, but let alone someone you purported to love immediately before cutting them off. It’s ridiculous, and the thing is, it ONLY reflects on the person doing the silent treatment, NOT the person on the receiving end. When my ex treated me this way, at first I assumed he was angry after we had a small fight. He had “disappeared” before twice over the past year and always came back after 2-3 days or so, very apologetic and such. Needed to sort out his thoughts and stuff like that, and as an online couple, it’s easier to do (to cut the other off) than if you’ve got that other person there right in front of you, asking to talk, etc. After 5 days of no contact, I was shocked that he would go this far. That he thought we weren’t worth it over a stupid fight. After 7 days I got worried about whether maybe something had happened to him (like he was sick or in the hospital or something), because I just couldn’t believe he would react THIS extremely. I kept kicking myself for getting into that fight we had. Kept willing time to go backwards so I could replay that day and not get angry like I did. And the thing is, I didn’t even blame myself. I didn’t feel guilty in the slightest. I just wanted him back, and was shocked and appalled that he would do this. That he valued us so little to throw us away over nothing.
xjigga98x Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 My ex dumped me 2 months ago I am still a mess over her. She contacted me to wish me a happy holiday on tg/mybday/new years. I called her on christmas for the first time since the breakup after 33 days nc and left her a merry christmas voicemail. She replied with a text 24hrs later. Saying Merry xmas xoxo. I text her a few days ago just to compliment her on something that she cooked and try to bring back a nice memory she said aww thanks. Then i asked her how are u doing and she ignored me. She still has all our pictures up on her facebook. I dont know if it means anything. I still so in love with her i just can seem to open a communication line. I really dont want to give up what do u guys think?
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