CantSleepEatOrSmile Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Hi everyone. I would really appreciate any advice that you can give. I am experiencing the most upsetting breakup I've ever gone through and can not find a reason to smile. I feel as if I am a different person. I feel betrayed, hurt, used, worthless, and pathetic for even thinking this much about this person. LENGTH OF RELATIONSHIP : 6 months LENGTH INCLUDING COURTSHIP: 8-9 months AGE OF PARTIES : 24 CONFLICTING FACTORS - dumper got his first job EVER, got kicked out of his flat, was only in 1 relationship prior, complete confusion when confronted about the breakup, mixed signals, still cares deeply about person he dumped as is evident in his dealing with breakup If you could read my story and let me know your thoughts, I would be so so grateful. I am 24, and I met this 24 year old in a fatalistic "magical" way --- mutual friends gave us the other partners phone number prior to ever meeting - but we never wound up meeting up. I had no idea what he looked like. Then I went into a bar and saw him - and had no idea HE was the guy who has been writing to me. He recognized me and introduced himself. It was an instant, crazy, mindblowing connection. I am a massive cynic of relationships and I can say with all honesty- that we had an incredibly mutual attraction and understanding of one another. Our first date lasted 8 hours, just walking around and holding hands. We weren't intimate until 1 month after, but spent almost 4-5 days together prior. He came on much stronger than I did. He wanted me to meet everyone in his life. His friends were in awe of me because I was so different than anyone they've ever met ( I work in the arts, live in a big city, make my own handbags, have a very different way of thinking / music ) - and he was more reserved, conventional, and organized. We had so much in common- even up until the very last month of dating. While i have a very prominent position at a major fashion house, he was not employed when I met him. I brought him to my fancy events, and he would shrug around embarrassingly. I was proud to be with him and wanted him to experience a bit of the "glamorous" aspect of my work. I paid for everything, as he had no income. I knew it was temporary (AND IT WAS) My parents and friends were always looking the other way and asking "seriously? that's the guy you're with?" I was willing to work with his lack of any real DRIVE or MOTIVATION (he wasn't even looking for a job until I made him do so) because this was the first time I felt this way. He was romantic at first. We became extremely close (We were almost neighbors ( and for the first 3-4 months, we did everything together. I slept at his, he slept at mine. He ALWAYS said things like " I feel like were always on the same page...it's scary " .... or " You have to trust me ", "You have to communicate with me " - He pushed the relationship to the next level. He wanted me to be his girfriend right away. he wanted me to meet his parents and his friends. He met my parents and sent them flowers the next day. I thought that was a bit much, but kissed him and thanked him for being so sweet. I never have boyfriends, and I was his second girlfriend. His first girlfriend was cruel to him *this was a college relationship* and dumped him 2 years ago. I always was afraid he was still in love with her, even though I never saw anything to make me question him. He never chatted with girls, never spoke about his EX.... He said "I love you" and it felt okay. It was very soon, but it didn't matter to me. We were so close, so similar. I did have a job and he was looking for one. I was so involved in him, that I actively searched for a job for him. I actually got him a job. That was when the problems began. As soon as he began to work at his new job *which i found for him, via my best friend, who worked there also * - he became cold. This was his first job ever. He also was kicked out of his apartment and had no home - he was commuting from his parents house. I was the same person as when he first met me. This was 6 months after our initial agreement to be "boyfriend / girlfriend" * a title i was extremely wary of, but which is insisted on * 2 months after starting his job, he broke up with me. This was 3 weeks ago. He told me we have no future. He told me we just aren't right. He GRASPED at straws to try to make up some insincere, cliche reason as to why we can't be together. I put my guard down for him, I really trusted him. he did a complete 180. There has been NC for 2/12 weeks - then I write to him via EMAIL to see what to do with his stuff. He coldly tells me to throw it out. My heart sinks. Then he proceeds to tell me that " He has to control every muscle in his body every single day to not call me." and that " All he wants to do is hear me, and be with me, and hold me " - but HE CANT. He wanted to see me- and I needed a reason to why I am so hurt. I met up with him and he tried to hold me...I was repulsed by the thought. I just wanted to speak to him and see what I did. I still love him more than anything, and it kills me to see him say such confusing things to me. he now says "I don't know why, but i can't be with you right now. I have no idea why. I don't want any other girls. I've gone through such a period of change.... There is no reason in general or nothing I can pinpoint it to...You are perfect. You put me before you ! But I can't do it right now....I'm so sorry. Everything I said to break up with you was just more confusing bull****. I have no reason to break up with you. But for some reason, I can't be with you right now...." He cried. He tried to have me stay over. Of course i REFUSED. He looked so tortured. He hasn't gone out, our friends haven't seen him or spoken to him....he has entered into this weird period of solitude -- I like to think-- if someone LOVES you, they want to be with you no matter what. I just want him to love me again. I can't understand WHY he did this. and WHY he is so upset- IS THIS GIGS? thank you so much !
flitzanu Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 there is no big magical reason for any of it, he just simply doesn't want to be with you. pay attention to what he's saying when he says "i can't be with you right now". that means he can't be with you. he said you have no future. he's telling you clearly that he doesn't want to be involved with you.
tinkerbash Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 hunny Thats a really hard thing t go through loving someone so much, he clearly does care for you otherwise he wouldnt have been that upset but maybe he is finding the job stressful? or maybe he just isnt in the right place for you right now, once ha has got his life in order job, apartment etc he will feel a bit better about himself, until then get wrapped up in your art and bags and try going strong n/c im on day 3 and its hard as frick but i know its the only way to truly get over someone x
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