SharkTooth Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I'm starting to realize/know that the small talk I have with my ex might not be the healthy way to go for me. My ex does this and it gives me a sense of hope I guess. For the last 2 months I could tell she wasn't/didn't see anyone from the text and phone calls. Last night she text me she's going out with her good girlfriend Friday night and then Saturday, she's going out with a friend...I simply said "that's great" I was doing so good and now she tells me this. It's a great example of why I should go no contact. I know all this but why in the hell don't I listen to myself? Does anyone else here think that they might be the exception to all the rules and we will end up back together? I did/do and now I guess I just want to ask her if there may be a chance of reconciliation down the road. I haven't yet but will it help knowing??? Please someone talk me out of this!
HeartBrkenGal Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Samme boat hoping for the best but feeling the worst, u know no contacts the best option but you cant help replying to the text trying to call, i rubbish being contact knowing there not in the pain you are but to not no anything at all i dont know if it worse at this moment in time i feel ur pain
TaraMaiden Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 How are all those breadcrumbs coming along? Got enough for a whole heap of Wienerschnitzel, yet? *Sigh*.... Go No Contact Stay No Contact......
Droplet Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 If you want to tell her anything, then tell her ( gently ) that you don't want to be her male girlfriend after all. Tell her that you while you made some mistakes, you still want to be her man and lover but if she's not interested then you have to move on. I know it scares you to do that but it's nowhere near as weak as asking her if you still have a chance ( know your worth, you don't ask someone who rejected you to please please please take you back ) and it's also the most honest approach because THAT is what you really want, not some fake friendship where she gets the benefit of having you on a leash to tell you about her "friend" while you have to put on a fake smile and tell her "that's great" while you're acually puking a little in your mouth... 2
almosteverythingx Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 If you want to tell her anything, then tell her ( gently ) that you don't want to be her male girlfriend after all. Tell her that you while you made some mistakes, you still want to be her man and lover but if she's not interested then you have to move on. I know it scares you to do that but it's nowhere near as weak as asking her if you still have a chance ( know your worth, you don't ask someone who rejected you to please please please take you back ) and it's also the most honest approach because THAT is what you really want, not some fake friendship where she gets the benefit of having you on a leash to tell you about her "friend" while you have to put on a fake smile and tell her "that's great" while you're acually puking a little in your mouth... Bang on!! I think now you need to find your inner strength and be willing to stand up for yourself and your rights. besides the only way for someone to really miss you is to leave and have no contact.
Author SharkTooth Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 Thanks everyone! Droplet, You put that so well and sensible, I'm thinking I am going to follow through with your advice. My head knows it's the right thing to do, it's my heart that has all the problems..Thank you so much
Droplet Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 (edited) No problem Also, you can be sure that even though it will probably make her sad and she will probably get angry ( because she can't have you where she wants to ), deep down, she will respect you a lot more for being unapologetic and honest about what you really want, because that's what men do. If you have a chance to make her want you a lot more, it's this. Why ? Because by doing this you just proved her that she mistook you for a weak boy ( and probably because most guys she's dumped before either begged her or accepted the "just friends" bull**** ). Make no mistake : though she still cares about you, she doesn't really want to be your friend. True friends don't try to make each other jealous. She just want to have control over you and have you exactly where she wants so she can heal or avoid being hurt by your moving on. EDIT : Two things : - Once you do that : you need to be congruent with your words. Once you tell her this, you can't break no contact. If she contacts you, either don't respond or remind her that you haven't changed your mind, that if she wants to work things out, great, otherwise you continue moving on. - Don't expect her to ask you for a second chance right away. In fact, if she has less than 50% of interest in you, you probably won't ever hear from her again ( which will allow you to heal way faster so you win anyway ). However, if she is still interested, you will probably hear from her again in the weeks or months to come, once she realizes how many pathetic guys out there are trying so hard to please her while you simply took the high road. Use this video for motivation when in doubt : Edited January 9, 2013 by Droplet
Tmo2 Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 In a similar situation, I choose to go Nc after a face-to-face meeting. She broke up with me in october. We kept low contact (phone call once per week average). I focused on myself but I was also confused about what was really happening and I was indecisive in choosing to try and maintain a friendship or moving on. Exactly 2 months after this we met in person and spent a day together ''as friends''-- At the end of the day I knew by her demeanor that she did not desire to work on the relationship... I told her it was all or nothing (she started crying) I was honest about what I really wanted. No contact was in order as I did not want to settle for a friendship. With no surprise she couldn't give me what I desired (commitment). And we parted ways. It is very important if you do this that you stick to your word. - When I told her not to contact me unless she changed her mind, she immediatly replied: well you neither! (This is a test). A Long Term Test. - Stay strong my men. The wounds will heal if you treat them right. The video Droplet linked is actually spot on with what happened in my situation. Be strong and once you take a decision, stick with it. Stick with it and have faith in your judgment. Things will get better
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