Sugar_Cube Posted August 19, 2004 Posted August 19, 2004 Hello all, I was wondering what others thought of this. I have a friend, and her husband cheated on her a few years ago. They got back together and things seem to have worked out fine. I know that she is still hurt from what happened and has a hard time trusting him sometimes. I also believe he is sorry for what happened, but is still feeling some guilt from it. Their daughter just started school, and he is making comments such as, "I guess now that our daughter is in school you'll have your man over, or go see your man." She said she doesn't know where thats coming from or why he is saying that. I think its possible that because of what he did, he may feel that she will do the same. She has told him she has no interest in being with anyone else. However, the other day she told me he said to her, "Why don't you go ahead and cheat, then we will be even." Once again she told him, shes not like that nor does she have an interest in doing such a thing. He makes comments to her like this right much here recently. I think its just coming from the fact that he still feels guilty from what he did years ago. They have been to counseling also. Thats been awhile back though. Another reason he says that he thinks shes going over her mans house, is that she is a stay at home mom and now that their daughter is in school, I guess he thinks she has all the time in the world to go out and do that. I was just wondering what others thought. Maybe its just coming from the guilt?
Moose Posted August 19, 2004 Posted August 19, 2004 Or he's still being unfaithfull. Sometimes they, (Cheaters), will point their finger and accuse their wives of doing something they are feeling guilty about doing themselves. Also, he's probably insecure thinking that she will without telling him just to get even. He doesn't want to made a fool of like he made his wife. Does this make sense to you?
Sugar_Cube Posted August 19, 2004 Posted August 19, 2004 " He doesn't want to be made a fool of like he made his wife." Thats my thinking of what it may be.
Bubbles Posted August 19, 2004 Posted August 19, 2004 He's totally acting out of guilt. Been there.......done that.........watched the movie and returned it. Either he's doing it again or he is going to do it again. He SHOULD worry that she will "give him, his own medicine" I hope he never stops worrying about it. Keeps the cheaters on their toes. If he is that insecure about their relationship....why doesn't she ask him what he's so worried about? He should be thankful for her forgiveness rather than challenging it by making stupid comments! She has the "power" here. She should tell him to SHUT-UP when he makes comments like that or say, "I should have an affair.....you would deserve it! You need to stop reminding me of what you did. You would do yourself a HUGE favour! Otherwise I am going to start doubting you aaaaaaallllllllll over again.......is that what you want? and I'll tell you something else too........the next time I will not be so nice about it! Now get a GRIP or.......get out!" Why does he need to constantly remind her that he f*cked around on her? Good luck to you Friend, Bubbles
Sugar_Cube Posted August 19, 2004 Posted August 19, 2004 Hi Bubbles, thanks for your reply. I don't know why he is doing this. She told me back before school started she noticed he would say stuff like that, and now that it has he is still saying it. I can't get over the fact he told her, "If you cheat, then we will be even." Its like he wants her too, but is that supossed to ease his guilty conscious? I wouldn't think so. I think it would make things alot worse. My friend knows this and shes not the type that woud do it anyway, but defintly not now since he is saying all that. She said another reason she wouldn't do it, is she didn't want him to be able to throw that up in her face. Which I think he would do. She also told me that they were talking the other day about how he gets to do whatever he wants, but the minute she wants to go out and do something, he is questioning her, "Where you going?" "Who you with?" "Why are you getting the cell phone bill itemized?" Things like that. He works alot and is in a band. He hardly ever does anything together as a family and when he does, she says he acts like he is doing her a favor. So she told him if he didn't want to be there to leave. He then replied that, "If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't." I don't know, I know she still doubts him because of what happened before and thats understandable. However he doesn't have any real reason to feel that way about her, unles it is just the guilt. This happened about 6 or 7 years ago.
Bubbles Posted August 19, 2004 Posted August 19, 2004 If he is trying to control her every move and questioning why she is doing certain things then the answer is VERY clear. He is cheating on her already.......again. Tell your friend to cut her losses.....child or not......she has not done anything to deserve this; all she has done? Is Love Him. That.....is NOT a crime! I think your friend already knows the answer & she's just not ready to face up to it yet. Be a good friend, be there for her.....everyone needs a good friend who cares about them no matter what. Bubbles
Sugar_Cube Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 " Be a good friend, be there for her." I will do that Bubbles. You're right its always important to have someone to lean on. Thanks again.
Bubbles Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 No problem sugarcube! We've all been there on the receiving end and the friends end huh? Women Unite! Bubbles
mommabug Posted September 2, 2004 Posted September 2, 2004 he is definately saying this out of guilt. either for what he did or what he is still doing. as well if you can't trust yourself you can't trust any one else either. so he may truly feel insecure as well.
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