makeitright Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 My girlfriend left me on 12/28. Since then we've talked everyday.. last week I really hit rock bottom with begging her to come back and talking with her friends hoping that they could change her mind. I do have her good friends & family on my side as she just turned 30 and walked away from what I thought was a working and strong relationship. We've lived together for 4 years. I understand that she must have been thinking about this for some time and I believe she made an exit strategy by talking with a recently separated married man.. but I have hope that she'll come back to me. Anyway we've texted and facebooked each day.. and saw eachother once. Yesterday was one of my last attempts to bring her to her senses sending her articles on "Walk Away Wife Syndrome" explaining that the lack of communication caused her to be unhappy and that when I hit rock bottom I realized what type of man I needed to be for her. Today I am starting to NC.. it's hard though its only 4 hours into the day and my fingers are itching to text Good Morning. Her birthday is on Thursday and I plan on giving a meaningful gift as I had already bought the presents. What do you focus on to stay NC? How do you not text her when your feeling sad as she's always been there to comfort you.... I hope she comes back.
fixing Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Its one of the hardest things you will ever have to do mate. There is no real WAY of doing it. You have to FORCE mind onto other things non related to her. The pain, will stay with you for a while, but just know, it will only get worse if you text good morning, or any other contact. Trust me, you cant do a thing about it, so 100% not call her, and ignore any of her messages, unless, they are 100% about rekindling things. Just post here instead. 1
rys Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 What do you focus on to stay NC? -deleted ex from facebook, ym, phone (includes pictures) -removed his things (and gifts given) -avoided common friends
sparklesboy Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 -deleted ex from facebook, ym, phone (includes pictures) -removed his things (and gifts given) -avoided common friends Good advice .. but why should you delete the photos ?? Maybe they represent good memories and later you might feel sorry for removing them from your life. My opinion is that you could hide them in a folder or write them to a dvd! 1
Castia Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 It's hard and it will get even harder before you start feeling better. Keep yourself busy if your not working go for walks and other such things. Sitting in and thinking about the relationship is the hardest thing to do.
Lasatra Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/281193-all-new-no-contact-thread It helped me.. It must help you now! 2
Author makeitright Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 Yea the hardest part has been the lack of sleep. I literally just started sleeping full nights again before I could only go for an hour or two at a time which was one of the reasons NC was so hard. Being up at 2:30-7AM before work I just wanted to talk.. just wanted to contact someone. She moves her stuff out of my house this weekend and I feel like I should be around for that incase she wants to take something that's not hers...
Lasatra Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 In my opinion you should let a friend of her get the stuff!! seriously, No more contact at all, she will only get you back down again!! and you ain't ****!
Author makeitright Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 She just texted me .. not sure if i respond or ignore "just wanted to say hi and to see how you are.. no need for a paragraph back.. just bein g a friend.. have a good day"
Coping Vortex Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I know you want to reply but take it from us that have been there you are setting yourself up for more pain. I hope you heed this warning. Unless she is saying she wants you back she is just throwing you breadcrumbs because she is used to texting you so she gets to have you and him. Having her cake and eating it to., Cut off make her miss you. Either was she will come back or it will help you get over her either way you win.
Missing Him Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Personally, I would be offended by "no need for a paragraph back" but maybe I'm misunderstanding that. Regardless, it's best that you don't respond. You need to take some time apart from her just to give yourself some clarity on the situation.
TaraMaiden Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 She just texted me .. not sure if i respond or ignore "just wanted to say hi and to see how you are.. no need for a paragraph back.. just bein g a friend.. have a good day" Please do yourself the biggest favour you ever could, and read the All-New Caliguy No Contact Guide!" in my signature. Permit me to explain. She is 'friend-zoning you. Why? To make herself feel better, not you. When the dumper extends the hand of friendship, well, that seems very kind and generous, but it's actually very thoughtless and selfish. Your heart's just been ripped out and turned inside out by her leaving you - it's like a phase of mourning - so how she can tug at your heartstrings and expect you - as someone who still has deep-seated feelings for her - to just flip to 'be my friend!" Well, really - it's completely irrational and unreasonable. But it makes the dumper feel really charitable. "I don't want to go out with you - you DON'T rock my world, and you're not 'the one' but at least if I suggest staying friends, it doesn't make me out to be a callous person, and if you WILL be my friend, then I can't be that bad - and you can't be that hurt, can you?" It eases their guilt. Do NOT agree to this - it will prolong the pain, and cement the agony. She will carry on in her merry way, texting you, friendly, verbal 'arm-punching' in a "we're such great buddies!" kind of way - and all the time, you'll be screaming inside "I want to get back together with you again!!" The only time friendship will be possible, is when you can see her in the arms of another loving man, completely happy, and holding his child - and think to yourself, "Meh... I'm happy for her, but, so what? It's cool!" Benign Indifference. That's what you're aiming for. And while you keep her as a friend, you'll be so far off target....... Go the Complete No Contact route - and yeah. Get someone else to pick her stuff up. Tell her that seeing her will just rip you up again, and if she has any - but ANY respect for your broken heart at all, she will get someone to pick it up on her behalf. You promise to pack it all up carefully, and give it all over - but you can't face seeing her at all, right now..... 1
Just smile Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Hey take it from me, I went no contact for almost two weeks. Until he began calling numerous times, all it got me was opening fresh wounds, being slapped in my face with reality and back to square one of nothing but bs..
Author makeitright Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 I guess my question is. How do you know when to flip the switch from No Contact to responding. I would love nothing in this world more than to have her back..
fixing Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 m8, you will know if and when that happens.... She has to spell it out to you imo that she wants you again. Stick to no contact.
Missing Him Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I guess my question is. How do you know when to flip the switch from No Contact to responding. I would love nothing in this world more than to have her back.. And if she felt the same about you, don't you think she'd let that be known? If she states, without vagueness, that she wants to get back together, then you can decide to respond. But until then, you just shouldn't. It won't do you any good and it won't bring the relationship back. 1
TaraMaiden Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I guess my question is. How do you know when to flip the switch from No Contact to responding. I would love nothing in this world more than to have her back.. Read the NC Guide. It's all in there. Oh, and be advised, here and now: NC is not to get them back. It's not to entice them into your silent world, and get them curious about you - although it will do that, (They hate to be ignored! it pricks their ego-bubble!) so to begin with, their contact with you might actually even increase. By all means, do watch those attempts - because if a request to try again and an entreaty for forgiveness are forthcoming, then perhaps, with work, counselling and better communication it might be possible to help things start afresh. But such texts are about as rare as rocking-horse schytt. Or rarer, actually. Most texts will be along the lines of....(Pick a message, any message) Are you ignoring me? What's up? I'm worried, you haven't replied. Is everything ok? Did you get my last mssg? I spoke to <name of mutual friend > and they said you're still sad... Wanna grab a coffee, any time? How's your mum/dad/brother/dog/pet lizard? These are all breadcrumbs. Designed to friend-zone you and make it all nice and sweet and buddy-buddy. Hope that helps.....
Own Worst Enemy Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 and that's normal and natural. but whilst you are thinking about it, do yourself the biggest favour ever, and go NC. it's the only way to stop feeling like sh.it. she wants you to like her, she doesn't want to feel like a bad person, she wants to think you are ok so that she doesn't think she did a bad thing. that is the subtext beneath her text. ignore, ignore, ignore.
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