unsafe Posted August 19, 2004 Posted August 19, 2004 I am so upset! My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years. The past years we have broken up twice. For a couple months at a time. He wasn't sure of us anymore. The last time he came back was three months ago. We have been back together ever since. But I haven't been able to be fully in love with him again. I love him with all that I am..I am just not in love. SO kissing, sex isn't that intimante...? I have told him this he knows he can feel it he says. I told him I love him so much that I want to work on it. But the truth is its been 3 months and it hasn't come back. It just keeps getting worse. So I have decided to break up with him. I am so scared, and I don't want to hurt him. Although, he has hurt me twice really bad this year and we have been through hell and back. Not because we weren't good together but because of well I am guessing his wondering eye. But the past few months he has been all about him. And told me I am the one he wants to marry and that he will and we even went and looked at rings. But I know that marrying him for comfort and security is wrong. I am hoping being apart will help me fall back like it did for him. But I am also scared that the damage has already been done. While we where on breaks I met this guy we became just friends but the second time it became more then that. And Now I like him so much. He wants to spend time with him...but tells me he isn't looking for anything to serious right now. Understandable!, but I care so much about him. And he well umm knows this. We talk alot..and well he tells me he can tell I am not happy and I am settling. Well I feel like I am..because I am scared I wont find this again. He has a great job (firefighter Paremedic) just bought his own house, will be a great dad, and husband. loves me and compliments me everyday. I love him...just not ready for what he wants and well what I use to want. A Part of me feels like untill I get this other guy out of my head I wont be able to give myself to anyone. I need support and advice. please help me to break things off the best way possible and be strong.
tizmos Posted August 19, 2004 Posted August 19, 2004 Despite him wanting to marry you and even looking at rings, you have to think that he knows something is up. A guy's guy can usually tell me this and i'm willing to bet this marriage thing was brought up because he doesn't want to lose you. But if the spark isn't there or you don't feel like it's good anymore, the best thing you can do is break it off and don't talk to him. It's better than cheating on him with a another guy and having phone sex with that guy on your cell phone through text messages and not bothering to delete them so that all can see....but i digress. It's good that you guys have at least talked about your problems. So it shouldn't come as a complete shock to him. Just be strong, let him yell, don't let him hit you, and above all, don't tell him about the other guy. There's nothing there right now and it's not the reason for the breakup. Remember that.
WantanS4 Posted August 19, 2004 Posted August 19, 2004 Okay.. one thing..... From what I understand.... couples fall in and out of love 902387492378492384 times... that's what keeps the relationship going....... i mean nothing runs PERFECTLY in life. As far as him hurting you..... why don't you forgive him. We are human... we make mistakes.... and as far as him having a wandering eye..... well............ these days you really can't get away from that. SO it takes some effort on your part to have his eyes keep wandering in your direction and for you to not blow his casual glance out of proportion. Have you asked him why he does it? and what he thinks? You should..... but have some MAJOR tact... cause you don't want him to go off and say "WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME SUCH A HARD TIME!?!?" I don't know.... i seriously think relationships breakdown because either both or one of the members don't EXPRESS what it is they trully think/feel all the time..... everybody needs reassurance.... and nobody has a magic crystal ball that tells them they're doing something wrong........ On the other hand if he does dumb **** to hurt you....... and he seems to 'enjoy' making you feel like ****.... then put your foot down and let it all hang out. He can't and he won't beat you... unless of course he's insane... but if he claims that he loves you, i don't think he does it on purpose, he just doesn't know. Remember people.... once your out... YOUR OUT... there's no second chance......... because TRUST is earned and grown just like love... but once you cut trust down, it takes centuries to growback. SO becareful of what your throwing away....
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