venusianx13 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 (edited) I'm so sorry for your pain. I was never married, but was with someone for 6 years (engaged part of that time). I knew he cheated on me once, but I forgave him after much begging, pleading and crying on his part, but he did it yet again a year later. For some stupid reason (probably fear of being alone), I stayed. However, I ended up cheating once in retribution (falsely justified, it is NEVER justified to cheat, however I was in a very low place). He began talking about moving to another city with me, and wedding plans, etc., but I felt too guilty to keep it to myself, and once I disclosed my one-time cheat, he came clean and told me details about his "affairs" that I was unaware of (such as unprotected sex with women, a pregnancy scare with one, etc). All of these things were what my gut was telling me, which is why I was about to come to a spot where I was calloused enough to cheat. After these disclosures, I ran and never looked back. I was an emotional wreck for a few weeks, and I thought too, at 29, I'd never find my happy ending. However, I met someone more wonderful than I'd ever imagine about 6 months later, and this is the healthiest and most loving relationship I've ever been in. We have plans to move things forward soon, and the truth is, if I knew this man was at the other end of all the heartache and turmoil I've been through, I'd do it all over again. THIS is the man that I want to share my life with... and I never knew such a wonderful guy could exist. Please, don't give up hope... the right man is out there for you, too. Your soon-to-be ExH is not fit. Edited January 17, 2013 by venusianx13 1
delighted_delilah Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Okay, I am speaking as a FBW and FOW. First and foremost, you really, REALLY must stop calling yourself stupid, thinking you are weak, thinking that getting an annulment is running, etc. You deserve better and don't need a man to have it. The fact that this guy was cheating while you were engaged, getting married, starting your lives together? DISGUSTING! Who does this?! He is never going to change, never. He has already gotten away with it and now knows he can keep up this crappy behaviour. What comes next is STDs, vengeful OWs who decide that the 'right thing to do is come clean' in hopes that you will kick him out, etc. When he cheats again, not if, you will be shoved right back into the black hole of unhappiness and self doubt, and that is just totally unacceptable. None of this is your fault, none. You can do better, both on your own and down the road, in a relationship with someone worthy of you. The longer you put off getting rid of this creep, the harder it will be. You CAN do this! I took my two kids and left, moved far away, selling everything I could in order to make that move possible. I have no family, no support, nothing, and I did it. If I can do that, you can give yourself the potential for the future you deserve. Believe in yourself and the rest will follow. And don't be so sure it's over; they always claim it is, while getting more and more sneaky and clever about hiding the affair. Which, in turn, makes it more exciting and more of a turn on.
bentnotbroken Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I completely agree, im hoping in time I will be strong enough to walk away. Its just so scary just now. I am so scared that everything has been taken from me; my future plans, my life with him. I worry I wont meet anyone else, i wont have a family - its just so uncertain. I think this is just because of the timining - throughout our engagement we were focused on the future and its all been taken away. In some ways I wished he had left me, then I wouldnt have a choice. Him being around begging, pleading with me to take him back is horrid and I just want to hurt him so much to get him to understand the pain I am feeling. Take from me....why wait until you have children to consider as well? It makes everything twice as hard. 2
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