Alsuna Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 My boyfriend just broke up with me 4 days ago. We have been together for almost 7 years. We had a long distance relationship in the first 3 years, then he moved from his home country to my country, so he could study what he always wanted, and also so we could be together. We lived together for 3 years, and had our ups and downs, but I never doubted that we will grow old together. There were alarming signs, I just didn't wanted to notice them or take them serious: we had no sex in the last 2 years of our relationship, and the sex we had before wasn't the best either. It was his decision not to have sex, he is 37, and taking anti-depressants since he was 30. He blamed the pills for his lack of passion. During the time we have been together, he never had a job, he financed his studies with support from his home country, or with help from the parents. I was having a well payed job in the last 3 years, and most of the time I was paying the majority of the bills, any concert tickets, took him to Paris and Madrid, bought him expensive presents. However I never doubted his honest and true love, he helped me and supported me where he could. We were a great match on an intellectual level. When we stopped having sex, I started unconsciously blaming myself for it. Maybe he doesn't love me anymore, maybe he is not attracted to me anymore, I was thinking. I completely bottled myself up, gained a lot of weight, from the happy, outgoing, fun loving person, I turned into the grumpy fat hag I always despised on the side of my friends. How ironic. Half a year ago I moved to his home country to study(2000 km away), and to start a completely new career. He stayed in my home country in our old apartment. We thought it might do good for us to separate a bit, to get the passion back, and for me to get my self confidence back, and become overall happier. This was however never explicit said. I was starting off good here, got very good grades, started to work in my new chosen career part time. I can't however make enough to finance my stay here, which really stressed me out. He visited me then for the holidays and I felt from the first moment on, when I picked him up from the airport, that something is not right. He was very distant during the whole trip, we had fun, but I could see something is bothering him. I found it out what it was a day after he returned home. He wrote me an email saying, that he doesn't love me anymore, and we should break up. We had a video call a day after. As I still love him, his decision hit me very hard. I wished we could work things out still, but I had to accept, that it's never gonna happen. He doesn't want to. Now I'm here in this country, completely alone, without friends and family in the darkest time of the year, with the new semester starting, and I feel, that I just don't have the strength or power to continue. Returning home is not an option, as I want to get the degree. It also looks like, that the new career just simply doesn't fit me on the long run, so most probably I have to get back to my old one. All my dreams of the two of us living together in a fulfilling relationship, both of us working in our new career, make a living out of our passion is never gonna happen. The crisis in both my emotional life, career and economical situation really stops me from doing anything to tackle my problems. I know this is the time to focus on myself and work on becoming a better version of me, but there is no energy left for that. I have to fight myself through the upcoming 5 month with a broken heart, disillusioned, with a thesis to be written, and trying to get enough shifts so I can finance my stay here. Without the support of my family and friends, as they are so far away. Right now I don't know how this should be possible.
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