Don't Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 The NC was going good i guess and suddenly i decided to ask her if we can meet sometime this week or next week. Her reply was " to exchange our stuff" I said sure and I think we should stop this no contact game and talk like two mature people and understand each other. I really want to know what's going in your head.I cannot act like as if nothing happened and ignore you each day. Then she replied Well no contact isn't a game, it's the normal protocol when a relationship ends. At least for a while as we heal. I said ok I respect that anyway sorry about contacting you it was a bad idea i admit that. I don't know if i should give all of her greeting cards and stuff she gave me back since I don't wanna keep them in case I look at them later and get hurt or throw them in the garbage. Since she is the one who broke up she can deal with it. Should I return everything she gave me including greeting cards and some small gifts so there won't be any reminiscence of her in the house? Secondly a mutual friend of ours whom i met through her invited me to his bday party next weekend. I am assuming he doesn't know about the break up. Should I go to the party or this will make things awkward? If i go should i just smile and act as if nothing happened or don't even look at her face? Perhaps the best thing is to disappear and not to go to the places that we are both invited. I want her to realize that what a good company i was for 2 years and now i am gone.
denxnis Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Don't try to get her to feel bad by looking depressed/sad, she will honestly feel less attracted to you by doing so. When you exchange things keeps your words at a bare minimum, don't say **** about your feelings and don't show it either. When you walk away just say, "have a good one" and be done with it; DO NOT SHOW THAT YOU ARE SAD/UPSET!! Then do no contact for good. You will look like a man walking out of the relationship, you will keep whatever dignity you have left, and most importantly she will respect you. 2
LostOne1 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Don't try to get her to feel bad by looking depressed/sad, she will honestly feel less attracted to you by doing so. When you exchange things keeps your words at a bare minimum, don't say **** about your feelings and don't show it either. When you walk away just say, "have a good one" and be done with it; DO NOT SHOW THAT YOU ARE SAD/UPSET!! Then do no contact for good. You will look like a man walking out of the relationship, you will keep whatever dignity you have left, and most importantly she will respect you. I agree.. SHOW that you are okay and happy. As if breaking up is a good thing, and you have won the lottery. Just smile, be nice keep it low with the talk. Should be more of a go in be happy hand box.. take box say well have a good one.. turn around and walk about smiling. If you want to cry after or what ever do it AFTER your gone far away from her place. Show NO weakness and do it with some respect. Know that you are moving on and you won't break down or fall apart. We are telling you this.. because a lot of us DIDNT do this and we regret it. I know personally for me I became a total wussy begging and all. It did nothing for me. If I had just said have a good one and move on with NC. I'd have healed faster and maybe would've had a better chance at working it out from her end.
itsmyfault Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I also think you should hand all the cards and stuff back. Giving them back will be awful. let her throw them away. It also enforces that you are okay, and don't plan on being reminded of her at all. So she won't be able to imagine you sitting there crying into the cards. Denix put it right. Don't be a d*ck but be as blunt as possible and make out you are doing brilliantly, Break ups are mind games, What ever people say one of you will leave this meeting feeling like poo, Don't let it be you.
rys Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Secondly a mutual friend of ours whom i met through her invited me to his bday party next weekend. I am assuming he doesn't know about the break up. Should I go to the party or this will make things awkward? If i go should i just smile and act as if nothing happened or don't even look at her face? if the friend is a close friend, you may consider going. then avoid her. but if i were in your shoes, i wouldn't go. i'll just meet the friend on another day 1
fixing Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 DONT go to the party IMO. It will be VERY awkward m8. And, give everything back Except, i dont think its necessary to throw the gifts back at her. You just put those in a box and put them in the garage or somewhere out of sight. Then go no contact.
na49 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I said sure and I think we should stop this no contact game and talk like two mature people and understand each other. I really want to know what's going in your head.I cannot act like as if nothing happened and ignore you each day. It's so funny. I read that and just smiled. I thought the EXACT same thing right after my ex broke up with me. We were ignoring each other and I just couldn't understand how it could work like that? I meant the world to you at one point, and now I mean nothing? I hated not knowing what she was up to. I wanted her to know that I existed so I figured "talking it out" and "being civil" was the only way to go. WELP. I'm afraid it's not. Not when you still are getting over her. You shouldn't have shown your hand. You are more desirable when you don't look like a whiny b*tch. She doesn't feel sorry for you (I don't care what she tells you) She doesn't need to know that you're hurting. Let her wonder what you're doing. "does he miss me? does he still love me? is he crying in bed over me right now?" "has he met someone better looking than me?" "is he really over me? I'm over him but I don't want him to be over me! I'm God's gift to the world!" okay you get the point lol Throw everything away. She doesn't need it back. Holding on to it is just an excuse for you to have a reason to reach out to her. She doesn't want her cards back. What is she supposed to do with them? Just throw them away. Everything you gave her, is hers. Everything she gave you, is yours. Keep what you want, throw/give everything else away. As far as the party, go if you want to have fun. You don't have to not go to try and get a reaction from her and go out of your way to make her think of you. When she shows up, I'm pretty sure she's not going to be looking to see if you're there or not. She's going to be going to have a good time. You do the same if you feel comfortable, if you can't handle seeing her, then stay home. There will be plenty of other parties for you to go to I'm sure.
LostOne1 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 It's so funny. I read that and just smiled. I thought the EXACT same thing right after my ex broke up with me. We were ignoring each other and I just couldn't understand how it could work like that? I meant the world to you at one point, and now I mean nothing? I hated not knowing what she was up to. I wanted her to know that I existed so I figured "talking it out" and "being civil" was the only way to go. WELP. I'm afraid it's not. Not when you still are getting over her. You shouldn't have shown your hand. You are more desirable when you don't look like a whiny b*tch. She doesn't feel sorry for you (I don't care what she tells you) She doesn't need to know that you're hurting. Let her wonder what you're doing. "does he miss me? does he still love me? is he crying in bed over me right now?" "has he met someone better looking than me?" "is he really over me? I'm over him but I don't want him to be over me! I'm God's gift to the world!" okay you get the point lol Throw everything away. She doesn't need it back. Holding on to it is just an excuse for you to have a reason to reach out to her. She doesn't want her cards back. What is she supposed to do with them? Just throw them away. Everything you gave her, is hers. Everything she gave you, is yours. Keep what you want, throw/give everything else away. As far as the party, go if you want to have fun. You don't have to not go to try and get a reaction from her and go out of your way to make her think of you. When she shows up, I'm pretty sure she's not going to be looking to see if you're there or not. She's going to be going to have a good time. You do the same if you feel comfortable, if you can't handle seeing her, then stay home. There will be plenty of other parties for you to go to I'm sure. See I thought that way too. In my case NC seemed like a bad thing, because I believe part of the reason she BU was because she felt I was ignoring her. So NC seemed like it would show I am ignoring her even more after the BU. Almost like I don't care if I don't show I am fighting for her. So it was super confusing for me as to what to do. My heart told me to talk to her or just check up every few weeks to see where she is at. NC seemed to have pissed her off more. I went NC for a month then contacted her and she was furious. She finally calmed down and after that she seemed calm but frusterated or angry still.
Survivor12 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 DONT go to the party IMO. It will be VERY awkward m8. And, give everything back Except, i dont think its necessary to throw the gifts back at her. You just put those in a box and put them in the garage or somewhere out of sight. Then go no contact. This. Returning cards and gifts will come off as either being vindictive or pitiful. Box them up then either stash them or hand the box off to someone you can trust to keep it until you are ready to decide what to ultimately do with the stuff.
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