todreaminblue Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Never been much of a fan of multi dating. IMO how can you get to know someone if you're dating multiple people? TBS I didn't have enough success online to multi date anyway. I came accross a good thread in another forum. To summarize, as long as you have good intentions and don't lead someone on there is nothing wrong with multi-dating! If someone asks and you're not ready to commit to being exclusive just say 'Until we have a discussion about being exclusive assume I'm dating other woman'. Any thoughts on this? Is multi dating that bad? Has anyone here gotten into an R here while multi dating? I look at this way ....i like to focus on one guy not what half a dozen guys are like .......i date one guy multiple times to see how it goes....if it doesnt work out if he decides eh doesnt want to date me after three dates then so be it...i have not had this happen ever, guys i normally date already like me and have made it clear.........so ill stick to my modus of operation which is give one date all of me and hope he does the same...if he wants to multi date and he says someone elses name while on a date with me hes out..in not into multi daters...i dont think it shows effort in getting to know someone for who they are it is more like a hunt for a relationship fi you are juggling dates comparing notes......and then discard and reject..........even if i wasnt too sure when i was dating someone i would give them that chance.....before dating another....i dont mix and match.....deb 1
Author SJC2008 Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 To me it could be a defense mechanism so you're not left alone? EX: I really like Jane but I'm not gonna dump Susan because if Jane won't be exclusive with me I'll have nobody to date". So if he winds up with susan he'll eventually GIG her anyway. I do see both sides of the argument though. Until we are exlusive neither one of us has the right to tell us who we can see/sleep with. I just don't want to date a woman that's sleeping with 3 guys at the same time. If I had enough options to sleep with 3 woman at one I don't know if I'd be comfortable doing so due to my religious upbringing. I har sex with the last woman on the 5th date and wasn't going to ask to be exclusive as it was too soon but I was uncomfortable about dating her more as I didn't want to keep dating her and get hurt if she chose someone else and she knew this so we ended things.
Maneater Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I think this just complicates everything and everyone gets hurts feelings bc it seems not everyone it completely upfront. 1
phineas Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I once met a guy online, who asked me out on a date. Then cancelled the day before. Explanation? He had been going out with this girl for some time, and they had met the day he cancelled on me -- he claimed they had realized they had feelings for each other...... I was like, whoa whoa, that's such a d*ck move on your part, not just towards me, but towards that girl. What kind of assh*le would look for a new girl (it would've been our first date), when he's at that advanced stage of dating with another girl, to the point where he has feelings for her? I mean, I am sure he didn't "realize" he had feelings for her overnight... at the very least, even if he weren't sure about how their discussion about their feelings was gonna go (if she reciprocated the feelings), he shouldn't have asked someone else on a date. That's such a pig move.... If I were that girl and I found out about his behaviour, I would end it on the spot... And you believe what a total stranger told you in order to flake on a date? Or you just want to believe what he said so you can rant about men some more? jeez. Like you never blew a guy off because you met someone you liked better.
soccerrprp Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Done it on a couple of occasions. Not so great. I'm serious about finding someone and pride myself in being a gentleman, so hard for me to say goodbye to one especially when both are great. So, don't do it anymore and won't. One at a time is my firm policy now. 2
NoMoreJerks Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 And you believe what a total stranger told you in order to flake on a date? Or you just want to believe what he said so you can rant about men some more? jeez. Like you never blew a guy off because you met someone you liked better. He disabled his profile a few days later. He told me he would, since he no longer was looking for anyone now that he was exclusive with this girl. I have never used lies as an excuse to blow off anyone. In fact, I have never blown off anyone /flaked on a date, even if I wasn't that interested in the guy to begin with. This guy I'm talking about, I wasn't even very interested in going on a date with him, but I would've gone anyway, instead of flaking out. And anyway, what kind of person would like and make himself into a pig who was looking for a new woman to date when he was almost on the verge of being exclusive with another woman, instead of just saying he had found someone else he was more interested in?
NoMoreJerks Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Or you just want to believe what he said so you can rant about men some more? Where did I rant about men in this thread? I wasn't even ranting about this guy.. I just found his behaviour amusing and pig-like, is all. You seem to be genuinely insecure if you think I made a comment about men in general by pointing out that this man is a pig.
mysteryscape Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 it seems that multidating is natural in OLD, and many people do it, yet many other people hate it. how do people of either persuasion handle this in OLD so that there are no bruised feelings/misunderstandings/suspicions? if multidating is the "default" for OLD -- I'm not sure it is -- how do the non-multidaters get around that? and how do the multidaters finesse things if they get sticky?
Casablanca Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 it seems that multidating is natural in OLD, and many people do it, yet many other people hate it. how do people of either persuasion handle this in OLD so that there are no bruised feelings/misunderstandings/suspicions? if multidating is the "default" for OLD -- I'm not sure it is -- how do the non-multidaters get around that? and how do the multidaters finesse things if they get sticky? I think OLD and multidating is so tied to each other, well it is at least one way as it is easy to multidate with OLD, even if you don't mean to. As a guy, I'm not going to just send 1 message, wait a day or two, and if no contact I'll send another one to another woman. I do a sweep, see the women who I think are attractive and that we have something in common with and write them a personalized message. I get probably about 40% response on first email. Percents drop down drastically after first response, sometimes them and sometimes I find I'm not interested. But odds are that you may want to meet more than one person. I've got a few emails in the bank that have been sent the last day or two to me, but I've ignored (thankfully they took awhile to respond, probably in my same shoes), as I've been talking to two women already, though I'm going to stop talking with one of them. The other we actually havent had a chance to meet until tonight. If it goes well then I wont respond, if it doesn't go well I'll respond. I don't like to talk with more than one at a time, but if I do it is for a short period of time. Too much to juggle for me, but I do think OLD intentionally or not naturally leads to more multidating
phineas Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 He disabled his profile a few days later. He told me he would, since he no longer was looking for anyone now that he was exclusive with this girl. I have never used lies as an excuse to blow off anyone. In fact, I have never blown off anyone /flaked on a date, even if I wasn't that interested in the guy to begin with. This guy I'm talking about, I wasn't even very interested in going on a date with him, but I would've gone anyway, instead of flaking out. And anyway, what kind of person would like and make himself into a pig who was looking for a new woman to date when he was almost on the verge of being exclusive with another woman, instead of just saying he had found someone else he was more interested in? Or he just blocked you. LOL! Where did I rant about men in this thread? I wasn't even ranting about this guy.. I just found his behaviour amusing and pig-like, is all. You seem to be genuinely insecure if you think I made a comment about men in general by pointing out that this man is a pig. Your user name plus past posts made by you railing on men. Also, calling someone a "pig" and other names in one long post is a rant.
lino Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 A multi dating and/or serial dating woman would get no more dates from me if I found out she was either of those things.
Recommended Posts