SJC2008 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Never been much of a fan of multi dating. IMO how can you get to know someone if you're dating multiple people? TBS I didn't have enough success online to multi date anyway. I came accross a good thread in another forum. To summarize, as long as you have good intentions and don't lead someone on there is nothing wrong with multi-dating! If someone asks and you're not ready to commit to being exclusive just say 'Until we have a discussion about being exclusive assume I'm dating other woman'. Any thoughts on this? Is multi dating that bad? Has anyone here gotten into an R here while multi dating?
MrCastle Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Multi dating is not bad. Just gives you options. For example, if one girl flakes or if I have a falling out with one, I'm not left at home crying and lonely. I just call up the next girl. Multi dating is a great way to prevent heart break, getting attached too soon, etc, as well as getting to experience different kinds of people and truly find what you're looking for. How do you know the one you're dating is the one you want to get serious with if you have no one to compare them to? 1
Author SJC2008 Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 Multi dating is not bad. Just gives you options. For example, if one girl flakes or if I have a falling out with one, I'm not left at home crying and lonely. I just call up the next girl. Multi dating is a great way to prevent heart break, getting attached too soon, etc, as well as getting to experience different kinds of people and truly find what you're looking for. How do you know the one you're dating is the one you want to get serious with if you have no one to compare them to? Good opinion but what are your intentions if you don't mind my asking? Are you dating to find an R or just casually dating?
MrCastle Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Good opinion but what are your intentions if you don't mind my asking? Are you dating to find an R or just casually dating? Casually dating. I have no intentions of getting into a R.
Author SJC2008 Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 I don't know if I'm cut out for multi dating. I don't want to fall for somene and then she's like "Well I'm gonna be with x". OTOH I could still be dating and having sex with the last woman and I'm mad about that! She was honest about wanting to date around and I should of picked up that she wanted to sew some oats after her last R and jumped on it but I messed that up!
nessaaa Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Multi dating is not bad. Just gives you options. For example, if one girl flakes or if I have a falling out with one, I'm not left at home crying and lonely. I just call up the next girl Multi dating is a great way to prevent heart break, getting attached too soon, etc, as well as getting to experience different kinds of people and truly find what you're looking for. How do you know the one you're dating is the one you want to get serious with if you have no one to compare them to? This is a good to do when in a relationship too
MrCastle Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I don't know if I'm cut out for multi dating. I don't want to fall for somene and then she's like "Well I'm gonna be with x". OTOH I could still be dating and having sex with the last woman and I'm mad about that! She was honest about wanting to date around and I should of picked up that she wanted to sew some oats after her last R and jumped on it but I messed that up! Truth be told, I don't know how many guys, if any, the women I'm seeing are hooking up with. They know they aren't the only one I'm seeing. I'm clear about that if they ask. It's understood we're free to see whoever we want. Whether or not they actually do that is beyond my knowledge. I don't ask who else they're seeing. I don't really care one way or the other, as long as I get mine.
phineas Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I don't call it multi-dating. I call it dating & being single. If i'm not in a relationship with her then why would I act as if I am? If i'm going out with someone you can bet she is attractive & you can be sure she has options. If she wants me to not see other women then she better give me a reason not to want to see other women. I don't understand why people over-complicate this stuff.
Samilia Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Never been much of a fan of multi dating. IMO how can you get to know someone if you're dating multiple people? TBS I didn't have enough success online to multi date anyway. I came accross a good thread in another forum. To summarize, as long as you have good intentions and don't lead someone on there is nothing wrong with multi-dating! If someone asks and you're not ready to commit to being exclusive just say 'Until we have a discussion about being exclusive assume I'm dating other woman'. Any thoughts on this? Is multi dating that bad? Has anyone here gotten into an R here while multi dating? Imo that's what dating is for, getting to know people, but one person at a time. I don't agree with multi dating, but some people do. I respect that. I just wouldn't agree to it if I was asked to.
phineas Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Imo that's what dating is for, getting to know people, but one person at a time. I don't agree with multi dating, but some people do. I respect that. I just wouldn't agree to it if I was asked to. I don't understand why people over-complicate this stuff. "Multi-dating" is a term i've only heard on LS & the people who use it the most use it in an offensive way. They go on one or two dates with someone & they expect them to be exclusive to them while they figure out if they want to commit to them & if they decide they don't want to commit & bail? sucks to be the other person I guess? Think about that. It sounds very insecure, selfish, & controlling to me.
sillyanswer Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Any thoughts on this? Is multi dating that bad? Has anyone here gotten into an R here while multi dating? I'd love to think that the girl I see on our first date only has eyes for me... but how conceited is that? Especially if she's never met me at that point. If I like her I'll be happy to try to win her over, though. First few dates are less about getting to know and more about figuring out if there's enough attraction to make it worth while getting to know. At least for me. Yes, I've got into a relationship where I started off multi-dating (and so was she). Somewhere after less than a handful of dates between us we stopped seeing anyone else, and we called it a relationship, rather than just 'dating', after about a dozen dates.
marcjb Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I don't agree with it. If you're dating more than one person it's not going to be nice when you've had sex with some other person, or one of the people you've been dating has had sex with another person while you're dating, and then you end up with that person for a long term relationship. Being with someone else while you've known your current SO is something that I don't like.
Author SJC2008 Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 I don't agree with it. If you're dating more than one person it's not going to be nice when you've had sex with some other person, or one of the people you've been dating has had sex with another person while you're dating, and then you end up with that person for a long term relationship. Being with someone else while you've known your current SO is something that I don't like. Sex is what throws a wrench into things IMO. If you're having sex and still dating other people that seems kind of sleazy to me. I guess it just depends on the persons views of sex. I slept with the last woman I dated on the 5th date and that would of been too soon to try to pin her into an R. There are legit arguments to both sides. One being unless we are exlusive it's neither one of ours business if we are dating others and it should be assumed we are dating others. The other side would be some people don't want to have sex outside of a relationship and aren't comfortable multi dating.
carhill Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 When I did it (multi-dated) back in my 30's, my general impression was that women did not like *me* doing it, but had no issues entertaining and enjoying the approaches of/dating multiple men, mainly because, or so I was told, they could 'control themselves'. Baby boomer generation. It happened so frequently that I presumed every woman I dated was dating someone else and, indeed, most were, including my exW at the time. Nowadays, I don't give it a second thought. I expect women to be dating and having sex with other men and am surprised if they aren't. Social conditioning.
DC4 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I don't understand why people over-complicate this stuff. I am so guilty of this. I have been told by two men they are not ready to be exclusive so fine, I date them both. I can't help but feel guilty about one of them. He is VERY newly divorced and obviously doesn't want to be like "ok baby it's just us." The issue is that I'm pretty sure he likes me a lot, I know he's not dating anyone else and I strongly feel he'd be hurt or at least disappointed to find out I followed his comments on "keeping it casual." Why do I feel guilty when I'm not doing anything wrong??
mysteryscape Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I wouldn't do it with anyone I had a real interest in exploring a romantic relationship with. At least I would not do it for very long. I read somewhere that about 90% of women on OKCupid who answer the question say they prefer to date only one person at a time when not (that's NOT) in a serious relationship.
sillyanswer Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I read somewhere that about 90% of women on OKCupid who answer the question say they prefer to date only one person at a time when not (that's NOT) in a serious relationship. Well they would say that, wouldn't they?
mysteryscape Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 other perhaps than it is what they prefer?
sillyanswer Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 other perhaps than it is what they prefer? They're answering the question for others to read, so the other motive is obviously because it's what they think others will prefer to read. You only have to read this this thread (although others are available!) to recognise that not everyone appreciates it when other people multi-date.
mysteryscape Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I don't think posting a dishonest answer to that is a good idea, just because you think it is what other people might want to read. Because that is one question where behaving differently than you claim may lead to trouble down the line. If someone posted that answer to that question, I would take the person seriously.
Casablanca Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 When I did it (multi-dated) back in my 30's, my general impression was that women did not like *me* doing it, but had no issues entertaining and enjoying the approaches of/dating multiple men, mainly because, or so I was told, they could 'control themselves'. Baby boomer generation. It happened so frequently that I presumed every woman I dated was dating someone else and, indeed, most were, including my exW at the time. Nowadays, I don't give it a second thought. I expect women to be dating and having sex with other men and am surprised if they aren't. Social conditioning. I use to work with a woman like this who had no problem talking to a couple guys but didnt want any of them to talk to another women
suladas Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 It's ok for a couple dates and as long as no sex or crazy make out sessions. If either of those is going on with more then one person, imo that's wrong and I would NEVER be with someone who thought that was ok. For me, I will plan multiple first dates but if I go on a first date and it's good and a second is planned I will not plan anymore dates until I see the other person again and see where it's going. I have no double standards on it though, I am ok with the girl doing what I do, but at the same time i'm not ok with them doing anything i'm not and will stop seeing them if they are. 2
NoMoreJerks Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I once met a guy online, who asked me out on a date. Then cancelled the day before. Explanation? He had been going out with this girl for some time, and they had met the day he cancelled on me -- he claimed they had realized they had feelings for each other...... I was like, whoa whoa, that's such a d*ck move on your part, not just towards me, but towards that girl. What kind of assh*le would look for a new girl (it would've been our first date), when he's at that advanced stage of dating with another girl, to the point where he has feelings for her? I mean, I am sure he didn't "realize" he had feelings for her overnight... at the very least, even if he weren't sure about how their discussion about their feelings was gonna go (if she reciprocated the feelings), he shouldn't have asked someone else on a date. That's such a pig move.... If I were that girl and I found out about his behaviour, I would end it on the spot...
FitChick Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Do people only make friends one at a time or are they allowed to get to know several people at the same time? 1
suladas Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Do people only make friends one at a time or are they allowed to get to know several people at the same time? Because that's exactly the same thing right? Or do you screen a bunch of friends and only keep one? Or are you a person who has relationships with multiple people at once? Very different situation.
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