radishes Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 My ex recently started seeing someone (three months after our 4 year relationship ended) and sadly, the girl feels very happy to share the news to everyone on facebook, from pictures of the two of them together, to him bringing her flowers. He treated quite poorly, and seeing as how my friends agree, I'm sure I'm not too far off from being accurate. I did hurt when I saw the flowers, because it was the gesture, the action of showing he cared or liked her, where he missed really doing any gestures for me. (I didn't even get flowers for our anniversary) So I'm a tad bit bothered. I'm trying my best to heal after finding this out. I still go about my life like I normally do, and I make sure to socialize and enjoy myself while I'm out. My question kind of comes down to this... I feel like the next step to me healing is for the new school semester to start (university), and meet new people, and hit the realization (by seeing more attractive people) that there are others out there for me, that would be way better for me. I mentioned this to my friend, but she said its not a smart move to continue looking for those distractions, since 3 months has already passed. I felt like it'll push him to the back of my mind and make me face the fact that he's not the only one. (He's my first love) Is that an okay/wise thing to do? Or is there a healthier way to approach it? Because my main goal is trying to accept and come to terms with it, so I can move on, otherwise I get stuck in this inner voice loophole that asks whether he'll treat her better, whether she's better, etc etc etc... ---------------------------------------------------- One more tad bit... In your opinion do you think he would mature and treat her better in this new relationship 3 months after our breakup? (He was the dumper, so I don't think he's rebounding... well I'll never know)
MyAngel Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I am not sure i fully understand, but I think distractions are the best thing! Get out there, try and live your life how you did before, go to Uni, socialize. Surely you don't want another 3 months of sadness... Change it up, distract your mind, change your thoughts. And it's hard to say if he has matured since meeting you. It's possible. 3 months is quite early and is quite possibly a rebound, who knows... Here's hoping you can heal and be happy soon xxx
Renard99 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 (edited) If by distraction you mean get back into dating then I say definitely not. You need to fully heal otherwise you won't be giving yourself fully to the new person. As long as you are having any thoughts about your ex, you're not really ready to date. You need to be able to look at your ex and feel indifference and know that you have fully come to terms with it, then you can consider dating. Even if you go into the 'distraction' as purely a bit of fun (i.e 'get over someone but getting under someone else') it will just feel hollow. I did it and whilst I felt great and was on a high in that exact moment, it then made the lows seem that much more low and it just wasn't helping my healing. If, on the other hand, by distraction you mean going out and just socialising then I thoroughly recommend that! The more you can fill your head with fun thoughts and quality memories with friends the less time you have to think about your ex. It certainly worked for me! And with regards to whether he'll mature and treat her better, he may do or he may not. He's maybe learnt some life lessons or he may simply be putting in early effort before falling back to his usual self........... either way, it's not your concern and frankly..... who cares whether he does or not. By the time he's shown his cards you will have hopefully moved on and be with someone who treats you well and with the respect you deserve. Edited January 8, 2013 by Renard99
Author radishes Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 I am not sure i fully understand, but I think distractions are the best thing! Get out there, try and live your life how you did before, go to Uni, socialize. Surely you don't want another 3 months of sadness... Change it up, distract your mind, change your thoughts. And it's hard to say if he has matured since meeting you. It's possible. 3 months is quite early and is quite possibly a rebound, who knows... Here's hoping you can heal and be happy soon xxx By distractions I meant all the things you listed above and also at the same time noticing that there are attractive people out there. (but not looking for a relationship/dating) Just new friends, guy friends, girl friends, activities, clubs, what not. It is good because I actually didn't have 3 months of sadness (luckily), and this feeling I had of him and the new girl, I gave it a couple of days, and those feelings are gone I've come to accept that nothing can be done, or needs to be done on my part, its unnecessary for me to spend time dwelling on it, and that I am perfectly fine without him and do very much deserve someone that won't neglect our relationship.
user6667 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 It is good because I actually didn't have 3 months of sadness (luckily), and this feeling I had of him and the new girl, I gave it a couple of days, and those feelings are gone I've come to accept that nothing can be done, or needs to be done on my part, its unnecessary for me to spend time dwelling on it, and that I am perfectly fine without him and do very much deserve someone that won't neglect our relationship. I don't think you need our help! You're handling this so well!
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